Quick Funeral Help

I need quick advice for an emergency funeral for a close family member.

Quick, as in...im leaving in the morning.

I will have to wear my black suit on the plane, basically because I dont want it to get destroyed, and can't risk the luggage getting screwed around with because of the TSA.

1.Should I wear a different shirt and with or without tie at this travel time? I dont really need it to be obvious that im going to a funeral while im at the airport bar.

2. At the event.....Black shirt? White shirt? I have time to buy a solid black tie on the way to the airport. If I bother to wear my white FC shirt, it will just be with black silk knots.

3. Monk Strap plain toes or AE balmoral wingtips? This are my only black shoes im willing to be seen in.

There is a separate memorial service the following day, what do i wear to this? I think there is one event at the funeral home "a visitation" and the following day a memorial at the church... would a dark grey pant and black shirt be appropriate for the visitation? Ill probably be able to bring doubles for shirts and just play it by ear.

I'm just not thinking very clearly at the moment, and the bulk of my wardrobe isn't exactly somber.

any help, thanks, im going to try to sleep for a few hours.

First off, my condolences to your loss.

quick answers:
1. if you sweat a lot or might run the risk of staining or ruining your shirt, or have the time to change when you arrive to your destination, wear a different shirt. BTW, wouldn't you rather bring a cabin luggage for this?

2. White shirt. And you don't have to waste your money on a black tie, if you have a somber looking tie there. Doesn't have to be black.

3. Any is fine, I don't think there'll be a "sartorial inquisition" there.

Your last question: just bring along another jacket. Doesn't have to be black.

Originally Posted by Beta

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I need quick advice for an emergency funeral for a close family member...
You have my deepest sympathies. I happen to have had recent experience with this. I recommend: The suit you described. The AE PA's or other black, captoe shoes. Balmorals are better but Derbies would not be noticed. White shirt ONLY, point collar, button cuffs. Black four-in-hand tie. No ps, jewelry, or anything else that may attract attention. Wear a suit to both sessions.

i would wear a black tie. i would also wear the wing tips.

sorry for your loss. best of luck.

Condolences.

I'd wear the wing tips, black or somber tie, and a suit to all occasions. Even if it's the same suit, I'd change the tie from one somber tie to another.

Thanks guys, I know its not the sartorial inquisition, but im certainly not going to be some asshole wearing boat shoes and a blazer. Im gonna go pick up a tie or two...blue paisley isn't gonna cut it.

good call on the watch as well, better leave the nice one home.

I would not worry about the black tie. Just any conservative tie will do. In fact, too much black could almost be theatrical in today's setting. However, if you want a solid black tie, you should get one. That way, you won't be distracted by not having one.

Remember, the focus is family, friends and comfort, not your clothing.

Thanks again guys, I was able to snag a black tie this AM, so I will be ok for both occasions now and can get concentrated on the things that really matter.

There is some good advice above. My feeling is that colors should be muted, but do not need to be all black. If you wear your suit on the plane, be careful not to spill anything on it (think turbulence). Remember to bring some clean handkerchiefs or tissues with you. You may need them yourself or to provide to others.

Best of luck. Stay strong.

I'll jump in on this thread...

I may have to attend a funeral soon (relative of a friend...not sure if I'm gonna go).

I don't own a black suit (thanks a lot, SF!) and all I have at this point is a solid navy suit and solid gray. Any advice as to which of these is best?

Originally Posted by embowafa

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I'll jump in on this thread...

I may have to attend a funeral soon (relative of a friend...not sure if I'm gonna go).

I don't own a black suit (thanks a lot, SF!) and all I have at this point is a solid navy suit and solid gray. Any advice as to which of these is best?

Either are fine, especially if the gray is dark. Personally I'd go gray.

embowafa, I'd also wear gray, especially if it's dark gray or charcoal, with a black tie. I wouldn't hesitate to wear a navy suit if the gray doesn't work.

Rather morbidly, I own a number of 'funeral' ties, and even a black armband.

Thankfully I have not had to use them recently.

Personally I think solid gray suit, white shirt and a black tie is fine.

I do wear a pocket hankie, either plain white or plain black.

Originally Posted by Orsini

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You have my deepest sympathies.

I happen to have had recent experience with this. I recommend:

The suit you described.
The AE PA's or other black, captoe shoes. Balmorals are better but Derbies would not be noticed.
White shirt ONLY, point collar, button cuffs.
Black four-in-hand tie.
No ps, jewelry, or anything else that may attract attention.
Wear a suit to both sessions.

In my opinion, French Cuffs with silk knots are OK, as it is a formal, though subdued occasion.

I can't see why only a four-in-hand knot is acceptable. Wear whatever knot you use on a regular basis, or what worls best with the shirt collar. Unless you are wearing a Double-Windsor made from a seven-fold tie with a knot the size of a grapefruit, I cannot imagine why any knot should be deemed inappropriate.

Originally Posted by Nonk

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Rather morbidly, I own a number of 'funeral' ties, and even a black armband...


I do wear a pocket hankie, either plain white or plain black.

I have a couple of nice funeral ties that I found on deep discount over the past few months. Fortunately, I haven't had to wear them, yet.

The last funeral I attended was a little more than a year ago. I wore a navy suit and tie, but also included a white linen ps in a barely visible tv fold.