How to politely discuss a FAULT in your S.O.?

You seem like a real douchebag. My only hope is that this fattie realizes this soon and dumps your ass before you get the chance.

Originally Posted by Dragon

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You RECENTLY met this girl, so she was already chubby when you started liking her, right? If it`s not like she was thin when you met, she could have been chubby most of her life (like the majority of girls).

Ys, I met her knowing she was overweight. I like hanging out with her knowing she's overweight. I like EVERYTHING about her, except...at the end of the day, I'd rather her keep her clothes on. We haven't had sex in a week, because the weight issue has been stuck in my head. I don't think the lack of sex will be an issue later in life, but being 21 right now, it would be nice to enjoy it, instead of just doing it to get your rocks off

Originally Posted by why

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You could always become a baller and buy her a personal trainer. Baller wives all need personal trainers like they need Louis Vuitton bags and Tiffany jewelry.
That's ironic, her mom almost married her personal trainer

Straightforward approach will probably lead to disaster - you may ignite a powder keg you didn't even know existed... doubt her response to being told she is overweight will be "oh, yes I drink too many margaritas". Unless you want a lot of tears and screaming, probably avoid.

I'd go w/ the joint activity bit. What about instead of going to a Mexican place where you know she'll down 2000 calories in margaritas, you cook @ your place? Working out together can also work.

Originally Posted by kwilkinson

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You seem like a real douchebag. My only hope is that this fattie realizes this soon and dumps your ass before you get the chance.

I don't think that's true. I mean, the OP can't necessarily control his feelings toward her weight. If he can get beyond that, then great. If not, c'est la vie. We all go into relationships with preconceived notions on the way things should be/people should look.

I will agree with you that he need not waste any more of her time if he knows he won't get past her weight, though.

Originally Posted by longskate88

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Ys, I met her knowing she was overweight. I like hanging out with her knowing she's overweight. I like EVERYTHING about her, except...at the end of the day, I'd rather her keep her clothes on. We haven't had sex in a week, because the weight issue has been stuck in my head. I don't think the lack of sex will be an issue later in life, but being 21 right now, it would be nice to enjoy it, instead of just doing it to get your rocks off

Maybe if you are good influence on her, she should automatically start losing more weight. No more drinking, no more eating junk, etc., etc. (for the both of you).

Thanks to both Spencer and Brad. We're both in college, and tight on money at times, so cooking at home would be a good plan. She's a GREAT cook too!

If I was a douche bag, I don't think I'd be having this problem right now, I would have just moved on right away. The fact is, everything about her is the perfect fit for me, expect the weight issue.

There may also be other issues complicating the sex that I didn't take into account. Condoms, for one (didn't need one with the old GF) and another minor physical difference in her vs. the old GF. She's got her positives though too, I just need to focus on those.

Above all, she's smart, well-traveled, motivated in general, a great cook, organized like me, has good taste in material things, supportive family and friends, and is adventurous. I've yet to meet another girl her age with the same traits.

I encourage my wife to workout, and make the sacrifices to ensure she has the time to do it (handling the kids, cooking breakfast) and the motivation (consistent compliments and gifts to include running shoes, running outfits). In addition, we eat as healthy as we can.

This works for me, as that we have discussed the importance of being around for each other for as long as we can. It's a daily battle, but well worth it!

Thank you Antonio, your dedication is inspirational. Does your wife ever question your motivation for the new exercise equipment? Thanks again for the new outlook on my issue.

If she's a great cook, take her to a farmer's market. Especially since it's the summer and there's tons of great, fresh and inexpensive fruits/veggies out there it should be a no brainer to make healthy meals. If you can find one 1-4 miles away, just walk there and you've woven exercise in as well.

ive never been able to maintain a long relationship with a thick girl. they tend to be able to clean the chrome off a towhitch but for some reason i cant enjoy sex when im watching the folds or having to hold the ass apart just to get in.

you have to be picky with the women upfront. maintain a strict personal workout regime and she soon should pickup on it. if she doesnt then you need to just figure out what means most to you. lights on during sex or lights off?

The one comforting thing I can say is that relationships are like mobiles in that they are finely balanced and that when one small part moves, the whole part moves. If you change something about yourself, you disrupt the status quo of the other person. All you can do, basically, is change yourself anyway. I'd suggest telling her that you're looking to get in better shape and it'd be great if she wanted to be your health partner. I'd look at:

-eating healthy meals while together and putting an emphasis on this.

-Making dates out of going to a farmer's market or such

-walking every night after dinner.

-cutting back on alcohol yourself. As you mention that this is a big one, this will be helpful. If you're not drinking, she will probably want to less anyway since it's no fun to be the only one drinking.

-drinking water over soft drinks, etc


I'd give this thing at least a month to try. At the end of the month, if she's made improvements, you're good. If she hasn't, you can have a conversation along the lines of "I'm really trying to be more healthy and look better and it seems like you're uninterested in that. It makes it hard for me to keep things going and I feel like we may have different priorities." This will give you a good way to end things or kick her ass into gear.

Originally Posted by Trojanman74

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ive never been able to maintain a long relationship with a thick girl. they tend to be able to clean the chrome off a towhitch but for some reason i cant enjoy sex when im watching the folds or having to hold the ass apart just to get in.

you have to be picky with the women upfront. maintain a strict personal workout regime and she soon should pickup on it. if she doesnt then you need to just figure out what means most to you. lights on during sex or lights off?

Haha She asked if I wanted to join her in the shower the other day, I was like "no thanks, I'll just leave early."

Too bad b/c the Ex has a perfect little tight, curvy body that I'm used to.

Damn.

I hope I'm not stepping over the line here, but just how big is she? Is she so big that you find her repulsive? If yes, a month of eating right and drinking less isn't likely to make her more attractive to you.