You're Overdressed!

Discussion in 'Classic Menswear' started by SkinnyGoomba, Jul 1, 2009.

  1. Mark from Plano

    Mark from Plano Lifestyle change - no homo

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    I was at a black tie dinner the other night and one guy was there in an untucked hawaiian camp shirt. Folks at the dinner were WAY to polite to call the guy out for being underdressed. In fact, most people went out of their way to make him feel comfortable. It's what human beings do. Arrogant, insecure assholes behave differently.
     


  2. mcmurphy

    mcmurphy Member

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    This kind of attitude is terrible. He's not elitist for giving a shit. He showed up to a party, he didn't walk in and scream out 'You're supposed to dress like ME!' If someone adheres to the bare minimum standards for themselves, it doesn't make the others elitist, it makes that person lazy/ignorant/shy/whatever their reason is for choosing the bare minimum.

    If SkinnyGoomba were humble about his dress, why can't others enjoy the sight of a well-dressed man instead of clawing at him to drag him back down to their own level? It's akin to the no less puerile way of clamoring 'Mom! Billy has more cereal than me!'


    To use your analogy, the problem wasn't that SkinnyGoomba had more cereal, it's that he was eating a steak for breakfast. Yes, I might want a steak, too, but that doesn't make me jealous for pointing out that it's inappropriate. If he had dressed stylishly AND appropriately, the peanut gallery would have had nothing but compliments.

    And a humble man would have laughed at himself in this situation instead of making it worse, looking like an idiot and running to his internet friends for validation. It's like when a kid gets picked on at school and his mother tells him "Don't worry, baby, you're better than all of them anyway."
     


  3. kev777

    kev777 Senior member

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    I was at a black tie dinner the other night and one guy was there in an untucked hawaiian camp shirt. Folks at the dinner were WAY to polite to call the guy out for being underdressed. In fact, most people went out of their way to make him feel comfortable. It's what human beings do. Arrogant, insecure assholes behave differently.

    A good point well made .............
     


  4. nahneun

    nahneun Uncle Nephew

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    That only works if there's a specified dress code, or if the level of formality expected is pretty obvious (eg a barbecue). For something like an engagement party, the expected level of formality can evidently vary a lot and is hard to predict without a dress code, so it would be wrong to call someone out for being either underdressed (unless they actually look indecent, I suppose) or overdressed (unless they're wearing something that's obviously over the top, such as court dress).

    Just like there are different kinds of weddings, there are different kinds of engagement parties. If you are invited to such an event, you should at least have the courtesy to find out beforehand what the hosts want instead of coming in with a suit when everyone else is in very casual clothing. Or better yet, know the host enough to anticipate how he will be arranging the party and dress appropriately.
     


  5. kannoos

    kannoos Senior member

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    To use your analogy, the problem wasn't that SkinnyGoomba had more cereal, it's that he was eating a steak for breakfast. Yes, I might want a steak, too, but that doesn't make me jealous for pointing out that it's inappropriate. If he had dressed stylishly AND appropriately, the peanut gallery would have had nothing but compliments.

    And a humble man would have laughed at himself in this situation instead of making it worse, looking like an idiot and running to his internet friends for validation. It's like when a kid gets picked on at school and his mother tells him "Don't worry, baby, you're better than all of them anyway."


    But does SkinnyGoomba deserve this treatment just because he was unable to read the host's mind and dressed as he thought was appropriate, expecting everyone else to be dressed similarly?
     


  6. blackbowtie

    blackbowtie Senior member

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    I was at a black tie dinner the other night and one guy was there in an untucked hawaiian camp shirt. Folks at the dinner were WAY to polite to call the guy out for being underdressed.

    EXACTLY. Why is it that it's inappropriate, impolite and arrogant to call people out for being underdressed, but it is perfectly acceptable, nay, expected even, it seems, to call people out for overdressing? What works for the gander should work for the geese, no?

    If I can have the good manners not to tell people that they are underdressed, why can't people return the courtesy? Chances are, if you are underdressed or overdressed for an event, you would know it. No need to have everyone come up to you and tell you.
     


  7. Nouveau Pauvre

    Nouveau Pauvre Senior member

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    I start undressing and ask if there's baby oil around.
    You go to SoCal2NYC's parties?
     


  8. nahneun

    nahneun Uncle Nephew

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    EXACTLY. Why is it that it's inappropriate, impolite and arrogant to call people out for being underdressed, but it is perfectly acceptable, nay, expected even, it seems, to call people out for overdressing? What works for the gander should work for the geese, no? If I can have the good manners not to tell people that they are underdressed, why can't people return the courtesy? Chances are, if you are underdressed or overdressed for an event, you would know it. No need to have everyone come up to you and tell you.
    No one said it was appropriate, but to suck it up and deal with it. Obviously, an underdressed guy will feel a lot worse at a formal event than an overdressed guy at an informal event. Also, people will act differently under different circumstances because of societal pressures. In a more casual scenario, like the one SkinnyGoomba suggested, it is more likely that someone will call him out on it than at a formal black-tie event where courtesy and etiquette are expected.
     


  9. Mark from Plano

    Mark from Plano Lifestyle change - no homo

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    No one said it was appropriate, but to suck it up and deal with it. Obviously, an underdressed guy will feel a lot worse at a formal event than an overdressed guy at an informal event.

    Why is that obvious?
     


  10. kev777

    kev777 Senior member

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    Just like there are different kinds of weddings, there are different kinds of engagement parties. If you are invited to such an event, you should at least have the courtesy to find out beforehand what the hosts want instead of coming in with a suit when everyone else is in very casual clothing. Or better yet, know the host enough to anticipate how he will be arranging the party and dress appropriately.

    What a load of drivel............ surely to god wearing a suit an tie to an outside catered function isnt overdressed for gods sake !!!!

    Skinny youve had the misfortune to be balled at by a shithead of a guest at a function , thats life my friend rise above it and move on mate. If that made you feel uncomfortable maybe losing the jacket was appropriate other than that dont let the bastards grind you down an wear your clothes with pride my friend !!

    Back to that quote that really is the most arrogant nonsense ive read in quite some time .....
     


  11. nahneun

    nahneun Uncle Nephew

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    Why is that obvious?

    Societal pressures.
     


  12. TC (Houston)

    TC (Houston) Senior member

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    If I'm a guest in someone's home or to someone's event, I tend to dress as they would likely expect guests to dress, so as not to make them uncomfortable. If we are going to a restaurant or to some other public place, then I would wear what I deemed appropriate for that venue even if it tends to be more dressed up than what the other guests would be wearing.
     


  13. nahneun

    nahneun Uncle Nephew

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    What a load of drivel............ surely to god wearing a suit an tie to an outside catered function isnt overdressed for gods sake !!!! Skinny youve had the misfortune to be balled at by a shithead of a guest at a function , thats life my friend rise above it and move on mate. If that made you feel uncomfortable maybe losing the jacket was appropriate other than that dont let the bastards grind you down an wear your clothes with pride my friend !! Back to that quote that really is the most arrogant nonsense ive read in quite some time .....
    If I'm a guest in someone's home or to someone's event, I tend to dress as they would likely expect guests to dress, so as not to make them uncomfortable. If we are going to a restaurant or to some other public place, then I would wear what I deemed appropriate for that venue even if it tends to be more dressed up than what the other guests would be wearing.
    ^ +1
     


  14. blackbowtie

    blackbowtie Senior member

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    Obviously, an underdressed guy will feel a lot worse at a formal event than an overdressed guy at an informal event.

    I would actually contest this statement. Embarassment and awkwardness that emerge from both situations can be of equal measure. In fact, may be more if you are overdressed as everyone quite openly draw attention to it as in Skinny's case. The guy in the Hawaiian shirt at the black-tie event may have felt bad, but at least no one was giving him a hard time for it.
     


  15. nahneun

    nahneun Uncle Nephew

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    I would actually contest this statement. Embarassment and awkwardness that emerge from both situations can be of equal measure. In fact, may be more if you are overdressed as everyone quite openly draw attention to it as in Skinny's case. The guy in the Hawaiian shirt at the black-tie event may have felt bad, but at least no one was giving him a hard time for it.
    I see your point and think it's quite valid, but I feel like getting all the extra attention from NOT being called out on it will generally make someone feel guiltier specifically because they were trying to make him feel comfortable without pointing out the obvious problem. Though no one openly draws attention to it, I feel that a Hawaiian shirt in a black-tie event will surely draw more attention than a suit at a casual party. At least with a suit, you can take off your jacket and loosen your tie to make it seem more casual. Though I don't agree that calling SkinnyGoomba "overdressed" was appropriate, I feel that his response was similarly inappropriate. If he noticed that no one else was dressed up at the event, he could have simply told the truth, dressed down his suit by doing the aforementioned, and no one will feel bitter or awkward.
     


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