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Your favorite Jokes?

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by Soph, Oct 1, 2006.

  1. Toiletduck

    Toiletduck Senior member

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    hahahaha what the heck,
     


  2. Dakota rube

    Dakota rube Senior member

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    A very nervous priest was on his first airplane flight. He took to solving a crossword puzzle to take his mind off the plane ride.
    He turned to the women in the seat next to him and said "Might you be a fan of the crosswords?"
    "Certainly" she replied.
    The priest asked "Do you know a four letter word referring to a female that ends in U-N-T?"
    "Sure father that would be A-U-N-T", said the woman.
    "Ahh, aunt!" said the priest. "Do you have an eraser?"
     


  3. Mr. Checks

    Mr. Checks Senior member

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    Father Callahan goes to visit the widow McCaffrey, who is too old to go to Mass.

    As she prattles on and on, hour after hour, he becomes very hungry. He notices some peanuts in a bowl on the table, and proceeds to nibble away until he has eaten the whole bowl as she bores him to death.

    When she's finally through, he gets up to leave and says "I'm so sorry but it seems that I've eaten the entire bowl and now you won't have any snacks."

    She says:

    "That's all right Father, I lost my dentures so all I can do is suck the chocolate off of them anyway..."
     


  4. Montresor

    Montresor Active Member

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    A very nervous priest was on his first airplane flight. He took to solving a crossword puzzle to take his mind off the plane ride.
    He turned to the women in the seat next to him and said "Might you be a fan of the crosswords?"
    "Certainly" she replied.
    The priest asked "Do you know a four letter word referring to a female that ends in U-N-T?"
    "Sure father that would be A-U-N-T", said the woman.
    "Ahh, aunt!" said the priest. "Do you have an eraser?"



    And on this note, I highly recommend the "Beloved Aunt" episode of Larry David's "Curb Your Enthusiasm." Transcendent comedy.
     


  5. Fabienne

    Fabienne Senior member

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    I just received this one from a friend:

    Un uomo torna a casa alle 7 del mattino e trova la moglie sveglia che
    lo aspetta:
    - Abbiamo fatto le ore piccole Superman?
    - Sai amore, ieri c'era l'incontro d'affari con i iapponesi...
    - E avete discusso fino alle 7 del mattino Superman?
    - Fammi finire amore, dopo aver concluso vittoriosamente l'affare alle
    11 di sera, li abbiamo invitati a cena...
    - Ed è durata fino alle 7 del mattino questa cena, Superman?
    - No amore, abbiamo cenato per un paio d'ore ma poi, visto che erano
    ospiti li abbiamo portati in un locale a farli divertire un po'.
    - Sì Superman mai i locali chiudono alle 3 massimo alle 3 e mezza...
    Sono le 7.
    - Amore non mi fai mai finire, dopo abbiamo pensato di fargli vedere
    la città by night.
    - Fino alle 7 del mattino, Superman?
    - No amore, ma siamo passati dalla strada delle prostitute e alcuni volevano divertirsi. Se dicevamo di no, avrebbero potuto cambiare idea.
    - Quanto tempo sono stati con le prostitute, Superman? Tutta la notte?
    - No amore, dopo li abbiamo accompagnati
    all'aeroporto perchè il loro aereo partiva alle 6.
    - Va bene Superman ma all'aeroporto dovevate essere un'ora prima. Tra le
    5 e le 7 c'è una bella differenza.
    - Amore dopo siamo andati al bar a fare prima colazione e poi è iniziato
    il traffico del mattino. Perciò ho fatto tardi. E tu perchÃ[​IMG] mi chiami
    Superman?
    - PerchÃ[​IMG] solo tu e Superman mettete le mutande sopra i pantaloni.
     


  6. Dakota rube

    Dakota rube Senior member

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    Damn you and your multi-lingualism Fabienne. Translate please.
     


  7. Britalian

    Britalian Senior member

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    Basically, hubby gets home early in the a.m. and wife keeps asking what he's been up to: had dinner, see city by night, friend to airport, didn't do anything with hookers on street, breakfast in cafe etc. This is why so late getting in. WHy you call me superman, though? Because only you and superman wear underwear on top of trousers.
     


  8. Soph

    Soph Senior member

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    Anybody ever heard the Superman/WonderWoman joke?
     


  9. modsquad

    modsquad Senior member

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    Anybody ever heard the Superman/WonderWoman joke?


    I know one involving Superman and Wonder Woman, although I don't know if it's the joke you are thinking of. Are you trying to remember the joke or do you just want to know who knows it so we can all think about it at the same time and laugh?

    I'll tell it if you want.
     


  10. Soph

    Soph Senior member

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    I know one involving Superman and Wonder Woman, although I don't know if it's the joke you are thinking of. Are you trying to remember the joke or do you just want to know who knows it so we can all think about it at the same time and laugh?

    I'll tell it if you want.


    I know the one that involves the invisible man.
     


  11. Stazy

    Stazy Senior member

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    What's the point of talking about the jokes you know? Post them!
     


  12. Soph

    Soph Senior member

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    Well see, Superman is patroling the city and nothing is happening, so he starting getting super horny. So his thoughts go to WonderWoman who's in town at a local penthouse, he decides to swoop over and take a peek with his Xray vision. What he sees he can't believe, Wonderwoman is naked and spread eagle...Superman takes action and swoops down to help wonderwoman out. He finishes and swoops out with a smile on his face.

    The next day Superman sees WonderWoman over at the hall of justice. Supes confidently slides over and says to wonder woman. How was last night, baby?

    WonderWoman replies, I wouldn't know. Maybe you should ask the invisible man.[​IMG]
     


  13. modsquad

    modsquad Senior member

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    I know the one that involves the invisible man.

    That's the one I meant.
     


  14. DeSica

    DeSica Senior member

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    man comes home to nagging wife who immediately demands sex by saying

    "Gimme ten inches and make it hurt!"

    so hubby bangs her twice and hits her in the head with the television.
     


  15. sinnic

    sinnic New Member

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    This one can get you in trouble: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None, because they can't change anything! [​IMG]
     


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