You know you're a tryhard when...

[Waldo Jeffers]

I think there are two dimensions of tryhard

One- you’re trying to signal you’re better than everyone else

Two- you’re trying to convince yourself you’re someone other than yourself

This is why it’s received as an affront.

it’s about an inauthentic claim toward superiority

So any time you try to affect a look and don’t totally own it, you are at risk of tryhard. People don’t try to affect looks that are less cool versions of themselves

it’s a binary thing— you are either that thing you present yourself as, or you are not.

it’s about being an imposter.

I am susceptible to this. Many people fantasize about being cooler than they are.

it’s actually ok to not be cool. Being yourself is cool. If you try to force yourself into an appearance of someone else, that is tryhard

 

[thedose]

When it comes to dress, there are some things you can't learn on Style Forum, you can only know them from having lived them.

@RSS Your sig^ is the answer to the question posed within this thread IMO.

Also, I will say it again: Enjoying what you wear > Caring about what someone in sweatpants on the internet thinks

 

[JJ Katz]

interesting discussion and some good points.
It appears that there are two issues: (1) whether being a "tryhard" is self-evidently bad or not and (2) what constitutes being a "try-hard".
Question (2) seems to me like another permutation of the vexata questio of "standing out".
If so, I think that as many posters have suggested it is dependent on the time/p[ace/people.

Personally, I'm an unabashed "tryhard" in the sense that I care about clothes and earnestly admit it.
But I completely understand why some people would wish to avoid that.

 

[Andy57]

By accident. In ye old days of the Trans Europe Express, we'd make extensive rail trips -- booking private compartments -- around Europe. Each day would go as follows: Wake up, take train, stop for a nice lunch, take train, stop for nice dinner and sleep ... repeat. At perhaps one or two points along the way we'd stop for an actual rest of several days. Once we ended up in Milan during Pitti. Oh my. We gave it a day and hopped a train again and were on our way.

I met and married a travel executive ... what can I say.

Pitti is in Florence, not Milan.

I asked the question because there is always so much bullshit spouted about Pitti by people who have never been. If you have any interest in menswear at all, Pitti is a wonderful few days. Like at any gathering of people with the same set of interests, it is a true pleasure to have discussions and conversations with knowledgable, engaging people. I've met some of the folks on this forum in person at Pitti and they, and others, have become real friends. And even the folks you deride as peacocks are simply trying to make a living and every one of them I've spoken to in person has been pleasant. I can't wait to go back in January.

 

[RSS]

Pitti is in Florence, not Milan.

As in Pitti Palace. That makes sense. Guess I was associating it with the fashion week in Milan which is near the same time. All I remember is that 40 years back we had to get out of where we were as getting into a good hotel and restaurant was very difficult because of something called Pitti. My memory has obviously misplaced where it occurred. After 100+ trips to Europe, that's not hard to do. These train trips would take us all over Europe and I've been in both Milan and Florence on many occasions. Once we accidently ended up in Venice on Mardi Gras.

As to speaking of Pitti, the above is the only time I've uttered a word about it. I don't claim to know anything about it or have anything against it ... or for it for that matter. I've never said a bad word about it or those attending. I have NEVER derided anyone here as a peacock. Obviously I know little to nothing about Pitti ... but you are wrong in your accusation. You have wrongly inferred far more than I implied.

Glad you have met people there who are now friends, that's wonderful. I've met a number of SF folk as well. I still recall a lunch -- back in the early days -- with Will, Iammatt, and Manton. Our politics were at odds but we had men's tailoring in common. And there was a nice visit to Hilditch and Key in Paris with Alden and RJman.

 

[Andy57]

As in Pitti Palace. That makes sense. All I remember is that 40 years back we had to get out of where we were as getting into a good hotel and restaurant was very difficult because of something called Pitti. My memory has obviously misplaced where it occurred. After 100+ trips to Europe, that's not hard to do. These train trips would take us all over Europe and I've been in both Milan and Florence on many occasions. Once we accidently ended up in Venice on Mardi Gras.

As to speaking of Pitti, the above is the only time I've uttered a word about it. I don't claim to know anything about it or have anything against it ... or for it for that matter. I've never said a bad word about it or those attending. I have NEVER derided anyone here as a peacock. Obviously I know little to nothing about Pitti ... but you are wrong in your accusation. You have wrongly inferred far more than I implied.

Glad you have met people there who are now friends, that's wonderful. I've met a number of SF folk as well. I still recall a lunch -- back in the early days -- with Will, Iammatt, and Manton. Our politics were at odds but we had men's tailoring in common. And there was a nice visit to Hilditch and Key in Paris with Alden and RJman.

My apologies. My comment about the stuff folks spout about Pitti was not directed at you. I should have attached multiple quotes instead of replying to just your post. My only direct comment about your post was that Pitti was not help in Milan. It's not even held in the Pitti Palace, oddly enough.

Venice during Mardi Gras must have been quite the experience!

 

[RSS]

Venice during Mardi Gras must have been quite the experience!

We enjoyed the day. I have since been back with a reservation. I grew up in New Orleans but Carnival in Venice is so much more elaborate and wonderful.

My apologies.

Accepted.

 

[Goodlander]

Of course US suburbs are a nightmare for anybody

I think there are two dimensions of tryhard

One- you’re trying to signal you’re better than everyone else

Two- you’re trying to convince yourself you’re someone other than yourself

This is why it’s received as an affront.

it’s about an inauthentic claim toward superiority

So any time you try to affect a look and don’t totally own it, you are at risk of tryhard. People don’t try to affect looks that are less cool versions of themselves

it’s a binary thing— you are either that thing you present yourself as, or you are not.

it’s about being an imposter.

I am susceptible to this. Many people fantasize about being cooler than they are.

it’s actually ok to not be cool. Being yourself is cool. If you try to force yourself into an appearance of someone else, that is tryhard

Perfect-or, should I say well-put and adroit, perfect is not the point. Thank you!

 

[Joe K]

I would label myself a “try hard” if I wore something that was totally out of character for me or felt like overdressing. For me, if I’m effortlessly throwing an outfit together and I’m comfortable wearing it then I don’t care what other people think, even if that’s overdressing for them.

Someone mentioned dating women - I think that attitude carries over as well. Be yourself - if that’s a confident personality then it’s a plus. Don’t try to impress anyone with a fake version of yourself and you’ll live a happier life.

 

[Jack Karney]

Trying hard or trying too hard?
Better to try hard than not try at all and look like you don’t care. Some funny comments in here about what constitutes trying hard.
The people I admire are the ones who wear what they want without giving a **** what the taste makers think.

 

[DapperPhilly]

In régard to Pitti. I've never been and likely will never go, however the many pics I have seen are of clothing
that is drool worthy on my part.
Some absolutely to die for clothes that unlike the nonsense seen on runways, I would most definitely wear.....without trying very hard at all.
I dress for me. I dress to look good. I like nice clothes. I am also comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt.

I think this "try hard" topic like so many, is completely subjective. Perhaps we are too "try hard" in our attempts to dissect
the topic.

 

[Nyarlathotep]

 

[SJTM]

Recently began dating a woman who has excellent (meaning not overdone but effortless) style. We decided to go out last Friday to a white tablecloth restaurant in our area. It is located on a street closed to traffic to allow the many restaurants to have generous outdoor seating. With over 30 bars and restaurants of all variety, it is a very popular spot, especially for millennials. The weather was perfect. She looked beautiful in what I would deem a casually elegant outfit. I wore a POW linen sportcoat and dark wash jeans and a white linen pocket square (barely poking out). Not less than three different 20 something hostesses that we passed remarked about our attire, as if we were heading to a formal function - "WOW - your so dressed up!" was a typical comment. We were not even dining there, just strolling by. To be sure - 95% of all the patrons were in t shirts and jeans if not more casual.

Are we "tryhards"? I don't think so. We just enjoy looking nice for each other and making our "Date Night" a little special. I do not really care what others think, but I did respond politely to one hostess that she should make her man dress up for her on occasion. She agreed.

It was overall a perfect evening.

 

[Phileas Fogg]

Are we "tryhards"? I don't think so. We just enjoy looking nice for each other and making our "Date Night" a little special.

that the two of you did it for each other is all that matters. There’s no need to explain your decisions to anyone else.

 

[volcanotristate]

Had dinner at the River Cafe last week. Pretty sure , how we dressed, garnered us a great window seat but more than dress, how we comported ourselves with the staff and servers. Treat people well and with kindness and most will return the sentiment.