Worst *#%R( driver in the world

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Eason, Apr 13, 2010.

  1. Eason

    Eason Bicurious Racist

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    Sweet Jesus, I have to tell a story: A client of mine, and somewhat influential communist party administrator, invited me out for a walk on Smell Mountain last Saturday, he said he'd give me a ride, buy my dinner, and give me 200rmb for my trouble (no homo, NTTAWWT). I get into his car, and he starts driving. After about 5 minutes of waiting for him to go faster, I realize that actually, 10km/hr is his top speed, whether it's a side road or highway. As he's casually talking to me about work and asking me about other countries, scores of cars honk loudly and speed past him screaming "SHA BI!" quite audibly, which I pretended not to notice. This continues for about an hour, him causing traffic endangering other drivers until we get to Xiang Shan, and to Chinese drivers credit, nobody has murdered him yet like they would in America.

    After we finish our hike, while we're on the on-ramp to the 4th ring road, he suggests we find a restaurant, then points out one to our left. "Too bad it's too late." I foolishly say, not realizing that traffic laws to him are about a useful as a girl to a Catholic priest, and my client slams on the breaks. We're on the on ramp, so there's lots of cars behind us, but that doesn't discourage him. "Who are all these fucking cars?" he asks while he calmly backs up into traffic. As each of the 50 cars behind him pulls out of his lane to pass, it creates a 5 foot buffer for him to back up into before stopping again. Great! It only takes him 5 minutes of this to get back to the fork where he can turn off the ramp and go to the restaurant. Then, he blocks both lanes of the highway while he clumsily performs a 17-point turn and drives directly across the highway to the restaurant, mounts the curb, and probably parks on somebody's dog.

    I have never, ever, seen a shittier driver in my life. EVER. So I casually work it into our conversation, "Say, Communist Administrator with a lot of money who I pretend to like guy, how long have you been driving?"
    "Seven years!" he says with a proud grin, akin to a boy with downs syndrome who just finished his first 2-piece puzzle.

    I took a taxi home.
     


  2. Jumbie

    Jumbie Senior member

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    I can't get over that the guy has to pay you to go on a man date with him.
     


  3. Etienne

    Etienne Senior member

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    he said he'd give me a ride, buy my dinner, and give me 200rmb for my trouble (no homo, NTTAWWT).
    OK, if that's no homo, I think we'd all like to know what it was. Seems more interesting than the fact that he cannot drive.
     


  4. hossoso

    hossoso Coward and P*ssy

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    Doug, Doug, Doug... you could do worse. I hired a driver in Uruguay after I made bail that drove close to 90 mph on surface streets. I like a thrill but this was absolutely fucking terrifying. He thought he was good so long as he had two wheels on the road.
     


  5. TheIdler

    TheIdler Senior member

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    lulz
     


  6. Connemara

    Connemara [URL='http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jST2Sv63WQ']

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    The smells must have been utterly disgusting.
     


  7. HRoi

    HRoi Senior member

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    did you have to put out for the dinner and 200 rmb?
     


  8. Jumbie

    Jumbie Senior member

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    did you have to put out for the dinner and 200 rmb?

    Not for them.

    Those were just bonus.
     


  9. DBoon

    DBoon Senior member

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    so you're saying that a communist party administrator was exhibiting selfish, anti-common-good behavior?

    and that a chinese man was a bad driver?

    lies
     


  10. oneeightyseven

    oneeightyseven Almost Special

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    dude, you're in china..what did you expect?!?!?!
     


  11. Eason

    Eason Bicurious Racist

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    A lot of my friends have cars (which I detest anyway), none of them drive like that.
    so you're saying that a communist party administrator was exhibiting selfish, anti-common-good behavior? and that a chinese man was a bad driver? lies
    Dude bitched about the price of EVERYTHING, it was straight embaressing. Mutton was like 2$/lb and he's demanding to see their manager... Also just threw his trash right out of trunk onto the mountain. note: smell mountain = xiang shan, it should be called "fragrant mountain" but I prefer to translate it as "smell"
     


  12. GQgeek

    GQgeek Senior member

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    A lot of my friends have cars (which I detest anyway), none of them drive like that. Dude bitched about the price of EVERYTHING, it was straight embaressing. Mutton was like 2$/lb and he's demanding to see their manager... Also just threw his trash right out of trunk onto the mountain. note: smell mountain = xiang shan, it should be called "fragrant mountain" but I prefer to translate it as "smell"
    So, all considered, there won't be a second date?
     


  13. Eason

    Eason Bicurious Racist

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    No, GQgeek, there will not be a second date.
     


  14. J'aimelescravates

    J'aimelescravates Senior member

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    no homo but gay for pay?
    In all seriousness though that is a scary story and I am glad that neither you nor anyone else was injured by this guy
     


  15. LabelKing

    LabelKing Senior member

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    Did he have a special license plate?
     


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