FLMountainMan
White Hispanic
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- Aug 18, 2006
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I love dive bars. Is it bad that I've been to three of these and will hit up a fourth on Labor Day weekend?
20 Worst Bars In America
To some people this list will read as The Worst Bars In America, to others it may read as The Best Dive Bars In America, and yet to others it may read as We Don't Give A Damn As Long As They Sell Booze. These people somehow get through life drunk. However you decide to interpret this list, there is only one universal truth. These are the 20 Worst Bars In The U.S.A. (We suggest that you put on these 10 Songs That Make Us Want To Drink to get you in the mood.)
20. L & L Tavern in Chicago, IL
People go in there to watch "Jeopardy." The strange thing about that is "Jeopardy" airs at 3:30 in the afternoon in Chicago. Hold on. It gets stranger. It is rumored that serial killers John Wayne Gacy and Jeffery Dahmer used to frequent the establishment. If you decide to use the bathroom there, make sure you bring your drink with you, or your head may wind up in someone's freezer.
Yelp Quote: "Bonus points for giving a free drink to whoever gets the Final Jeopardy question correct in the afternoons."
19. Power House in Hollywood, CA
If failure has a smell, it's Power House. Located in the heart of Hollyweird, this place has cheap drinks, sticky floors and clientele that is always quick to tell a story about someone famous.
Yelp Quote: "Last time, there was a blacked-out-drunk cowboy introducing himself to every-last patron as, Downtown Larry. "
18. Ginny's Little Longhorn Saloon in Austin, TX
On Sundays they play "Chicken Sh*t Bingo." They put a chicken in a cage and the floor beneath it is a giant bingo card covered in feed. If the chicken sh*ts on five of your numbers, you win $100. Now that's our kind of gambling!
Yelp Quote: "I danced the two-step here with Bob Wills daughter once, for realz. This makes me a Texan even though I was borned in Nebraska."
17. Bow Wow's Cocktail Lounge in San Francisco, CA
If you didn't know any better, you'd think you were in a Vietnamese whorehouse. Look at the photos on the Yelp review. That's all we're saying.
Yelp Quote: "Mama Candy will show you her baseball bat from behind the bar."
16. McSorley's Old Ale House in New York
The place has been around since 1854 and has served everyone from Abraham Lincoln to John Lennon. There's only two things on the menu, McSorley's Dark and McSorley's Light. If you order one, they'll give you two. If you don't like it, you can get the Hell out! What's the bad news? They didn't start letting chicks in until the 1970s! The place still reeks of sausage fest. (Side note: We went to an actual sausage fest once, and there were tons of chicks there. Very weird.)
Yelp Quote: "Pros: no wait for the toilets. Cons: Impossible to move around and the hygiene of their mug washing technique."
15. Mac's Club Deuce Bar in Miami, FL
Besides being named after a poop, Mac's Club Deuce is sh*tty in other ways. For one, it's a great place to go to get sh*tty. It's open from 8am - 5am and happy hour goes from 8am -7pm.
Yelp Quote: "Friendly peeps, strange peeps, and a few good looking peeps. You will get a variety here."
14. Jacques Cabaret in Boston, MA
It's a full out drag queen review! Okay, that's not our scene, but there is an upside to a bar that has a bunch of ******** strutting down a catwalk. Real girls find that sort of thing hysterical. The place typically has a ratio of 4:1.
Yelp Quote: "Too bad I didn't come here for the rumored entertainment upstairs, and I'm willing to give that a chance."
13. The Big Easy Social & Pleasure Club in Houston, TX
With a name like that we thought it was a place to go to masturbate in public, but it isn't. We learned the hard way that they'll throw you out for that. Besides offering blues music, tarot card readings, and reiki healings, The Big Easy also offers some good religion. They hold an annual benefit every September to honor St. Adrian, the Patron Saint of Beer.
Yelp Quote: "Honestly folks, there's no place like this outside of Texas, so go and enjoy it, rather than taking it for granted."
12. Shanghai Tunnel in Portland, OR
This is a place where drunks would literally get "shanghaied." Young men would come in for a beer, someone would drug them and they would wake up on a ship bound for China. It's basically the 19th century male equivalent of being date raped.
Yelp Quote: "No hipsters in sight when we went there on a Monday."
11. Mastry's in St. Petersburg, FL
There are big ass marlins on the wall, and one of our favorite historical drunks, Babe Ruth, used to get drunk there. That's all that needs to be said.
Yelp Quote: "Sub-par dive bar ... is that possible?"
10. Jughead's in Phoenix, AZ
It is the downest and dirtiest of the down and dirty. This place smells like puked up urine. Chained link fences, broken bottles, and graffiti make it look like something out of "The Running Man."
Yelp Quote: "One thing I'll give them props for is Be Your Own F-in DJ Night. Great idea when people show up with random records and get to spin them."
9. Amy's Place in Honolulu, HI
Tucked away in a dirty alley, this place is often described by patrons as skanky but friendly. You have to love a friendly skank!
Yelp Quote: "Small kine parking lot with a working pay phone cuz this is the type of dive bar you might loose your cell phone from drunkiness."
8. Dungeon Bar in Sturgis, SD
It's a biker bar with all kinds of ladies undergarments hanging from the ceiling. It's a great place to go if you're ever in South Dakota and want to get kicked in the face.
Overhead by author: "If you gotta take a dump you best head somewhere else."
7. Cooter Brown's in New Orleans, LA
Its location minutes from Tulane University makes Cooter Brown's a great place to get a beer and chase some muffaletta.
Yelp Quote: " Be careful at night."
6. Sugar Mom's in Philadelphia, PA
They have a Foosball table, ping pong, pinball, old bumper cars etc. They sell booze too! Sign us up!
Yelp Quote: "There's Appreciation in the Men's Room, flying penises in the Ladies Room, and I accidentally peed on someone's iPhone. Accidentally."
5. Divebar in Las Vegas, NV
The name says it all, especially in a place like Vegas.
Yelp Quote: "More fun than a barrel full of drunk monkeys."
4. Gooski's in Pittsburgh, PA
This Steel City dive will take you back to a quaint time in American history when you could smoke a cigarette in a bar. Ah, the good old days.
Yelp Quote: "Oh Gooski's how I love you. I am married to the Park House but would cheat on it with you more often if you weren't in Polish Hill."
3. Red Hook Bait & Tackle in Brooklyn, NY
Animal heads painted like the Mona Lisa adorn the walls of this Brooklyn sh*thole, and eyes follow you wherever you go. It's a nice way to get creeped out while drinking, other than being hit on by a ******.
Yelp Quote: "Chock full of characters, not least of all the barkeep. (I get the strange feeling he might tickle you or something if you're not paying attention."
2. Magnolia Bar & Grill in Louisville, KY
At Mag Bar, as the locals call it, free popcorn is the only food you'll find, and drunken hillbillies are the only company you'll meet. Yee-haw!
Yelp Quote: "Best dive in Old Louisville. Old school Kentucky, no food just booze."
1. Newport Bar & Laundry in Chicago, IL
The servers are rude as Hell, and the prices aren't that cheap, but you can do laundry there! They actually have washers and dryers! Why didn't anyone think of that sooner?
Yelp Quote: "The Newport is a pretty funny place. It's my local pub and laundromat. Try and top drunk laundry."
