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Where Have the Good Men Gone

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by Kyoung05, Feb 23, 2011.

  1. deadly7

    deadly7 Senior member

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    I don't text much so I didn't bother with one of those big plans that includes free texting. A text costs me 5 cents.
    Sheeeeit. A text costs me 20c extra.
     
  2. mkarim

    mkarim Senior member

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    The problem is, good men aren't born, they are made. And women today, have no patience to wait for a good man to become a good man. That, is the real problem. They want quick fixes or finished products, but by the time a man is a finished product, he can usually do better than you.

    Many seem to be attracted to a fixer-upper, whom they can "save".

    Also, many women's idea of a "good man" is quite strange. That's a whole new threak!
     
  3. christinedaae

    christinedaae Senior member

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    Many seem to be attracted to a fixer-upper, whom they can "save". Also, many women's idea of a "good man" is quite strange. That's a whole new threak!
    it's a tad bit more complicated than that. I know WHY they do it, but it still doesn't make it smart. Here is the woman's delimia, especially in todays society. Basically, there are certain traits, in a man that a woman loves. Dominant, self confident, sexual, etc.. Women well tell you "oh I hate an arrogant man" please, women eat that shit up. women loves a man who knows he a catch. Not necessarily in him saying it, but by his actions. Dont' sit on the damn phone with women all the time, have a lie outside of woman, let a woman know by your actions that look, I can take it or leave it so you better be on your best behavior. This is what is appealing to the fixer uper type guy. He has these traits. The problem is, the men she SHOULD be dating, dont' have these qualities. for the most part. Most men beg, whine, cry, follow, worship, that's not sexy to women. There is a good reason for this too. Most people ahve two choices. Party or be successful. Really smart, successful people, sacrifice alot when it comes to socializing, and aren't as caught up as their peers. I or instance, basically spent my late teens and half my twenties, locked in an office. My dad is my saving grace when it comes to women if not for him i'd be clueless. Instead of fixing up the guy that has potential to give her the lifestyle she wants, she chose to fix up the guy who has the traits she likes in a man, simply becuase she think he's sexier. Basically, when a woman is in her early 20's, instead of looking where she should look for a man, if she is looking for a man with a future, she looks at parties, through friends, online, at clubs, at the mall, wherver. The men she wants to be married to when she's 35, are studying and working their ass off at 25, not any of those places, but this is the last place she is going to look. Very rare is it a woman that understands this concept. I never had a problem actually attracting women, my problem was in my business, I had a problem keeping them becuase, I would not give them time, etc al, I was "no fun". I worked all the time, and made no bones about t hem not being my number one priority. That and when I was really in the mist of rujning my business I put on a tad bit of weight, simply becuase of living so reclusely. AS my dad always told me, women will come and go, there is no going out of business sale on @$%^@ And while digging deeper once you start to really understand the dynamics of it all.. I don't blame women for being more attracted to guys who are not passive, etc. Say you have a woman here, she's smoking hot. 24 years old, coke bottle body, college grad, decent job. She has 2 guys that she knows. One guy, basically is like look, you are fine as hell and I want to have sex with you, alot lol. But with that said, you are going to have to show me what you can do for me to settle down with me, you being hot isn't enough. You take another guy, the "good guy" if you will, he will sit on the phone and talk the the girl all night long (listen to her talk about how much of a jerk the other guy is), take her to te movies while the other guy refuses to pay for dates for a girl he isn't dating, take her out to eat, the whole grin. you call that a good guy, in reality, they both want the same thing. he might not come out and say it, that's becuase he's too scared to say it, that he wants to bend her over the nearest table and get busy lol. The thing is, she knows this, she's not stupid, but by not being honest about how he feels, he's come off as non sexual and non sexual guys, don't get sex. you can be, dominant, without being broke or a jerk or a "bad boy". That's why I am pretty successful, I'm actually quite a nice guy, I can talk to anyone, I get along with everyone, I'm not an asshole or a jerk, but I make no bones about what I want, and I don't take shit either. You can hold a woman to certain standards, and be a cool dude at the same time and that's how you as the sheen would say "win" Oh and don't even get me freaking started on women inside my race (I'm black) not as a collective hole but way more times then not, man, wow. I find all women attractive, at least all races... man, black women, just are down right impossible. You have to somehow, be successful yet at the same time, be hood enough to kick it with the fellas. Being educated/not stupid is somewhat frowned upon, you don't know how many time's I've heard "you think you are just too damn smart don't you" or something along those lines, but yet, you need to drive a luxury car at the same time lol. I've actually had girls turn me down becuase I was not "black enough".. and I'm not talking about hood rats either, then, wonder when they are in their 30's they don't have a man.
     
  4. Bill Smith

    Bill Smith Senior member

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    Christinedaae,

    Bit of life advice, get thee to a gym sooner than later and get on an exercise program. I started working out again 11 years ago at age 32 when I looked in the mirror one morning wearing only my boxers and saw my dad staring back, not cool (started at 238 lbs now maintaining around 195lb on average). If not for looking good but for preventative maintenance, most independent business owners I know are quite keen on working out to 1) relieve stress 2) reduce health costs and 3) networking opportunities. Life is too short to suffer a heart attack, stroke or a preventable cancer in your forties.

    Maybe it's time to move the business to greener pastures?
     
  5. mkarim

    mkarim Senior member

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    The men she wants to be married to when she's 35, are studying and working their ass off at 25, not any of those places, but this is the last place she is going to look. Very rare is it a woman that understands this concept.
    This is very true.

    Being educated/not stupid is somewhat frowned upon, you don't know how many time's I've heard "you think you are just too damn smart don't you" or something along those lines
    This seems to be the case across society, unfortunately. Success seems to be frowned upon as "boring, you-have-no-life, work-work-work-all-the-time" and sometimes even "loser!". It's amazing how many people don't realize that some people can find work actually EXCITING, INTERESTING, CHALLENGING, CREATIVE, etc. Sheesh! So they are not work-work-work-all-the-time, they are actually fun-fun-fun-all-the-time, if they actually love what they do!

    If I tell people that, according to Warren Buffett, "If you love what you do, you don't have to work a day in your life", I get blank stares. Enjoy work? Fascinating concept!!! :)
     
  6. Desi

    Desi Senior member

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    Nor would I. However, we can hope that people who wait longer to marry will be more likely to get it right the first time, so long as they achieve some personal growth in their single years. (And by "personal growth," I don't mean either upping one's WoW score or partying on Viagra and Red Bull.)
    hey hey....hey hey hey!![​IMG] That is not how World of Warcraft is played.
     
  7. christinedaae

    christinedaae Senior member

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    Christinedaae,

    Bit of life advice, get thee to a gym sooner than later and get on an exercise program. I started working out again 11 years ago at age 32 when I looked in the mirror one morning wearing only my boxers and saw my dad staring back, not cool (started at 238 lbs now maintaining around 195lb on average). If not for looking good but for preventative maintenance, most independent business owners I know are quite keen on working out to 1) relieve stress 2) reduce health costs and 3) networking opportunities. Life is too short to suffer a heart attack, stroke or a preventable cancer in your forties.

    Maybe it's time to move the business to greener pastures?


    I am a gym rat, i work out 8 out of 10 days (my workout program breaks it up into 10 day splits).. just when I was just starting the business, I didn't' have the time, as stated, i had to make some sacrifices.
     
  8. cretaceous_cretin

    cretaceous_cretin Senior member

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    I agree with a good amount of the article, and also agree that many aspects of it apply to women, as others have said. I, however, don't see myself as a pre-adult even though I'm in my 20's. They lifestyle and attitudes associated with the pre-adult male in this article don't describe me at all.

    I think the real onus for writing articles like this is the author's frustration and disappointment with her own life. I feel sorry for the woman, because I'm sure she's been trying, but I know a bunch of genuinely nice guys in their 20's. It shouldn't be that hard to find one, especially if you're well-educated with a great career, etc.


    Women don't want nice guys - they seem to be drawn to the "bad boy" persona, and then complain when it doesn't work out the way they wanted. My $0.02 (may not even be worth that).
     
  9. mkarim

    mkarim Senior member

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    Women don't want nice guys - they seem to be drawn to the "bad boy" persona, and then complain when it doesn't work out the way they wanted. My $0.02 (may not even be worth that).

    +1000.

    Then they go bqck to another bad boy.
     
  10. horndog

    horndog Senior member

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    Women don't want "bad boys" in any long term sense, and guys that say that are losers. Women want nice guys with a spine who challenge them and can put them in their place from time to time, not invertebrate babies that ask permission for everything.
     
  11. intent

    intent Senior member

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    Women don't want "bad boys" in any long term sense, and guys that say that are losers. Women want nice guys with a spine who challenge them and can put them in their place from time to time, not invertebrate babies that ask permission for everything.
    +1. It's all about the confidence. What I don't understand are girls who are attracted to men who have no plans, or are severe hippies, etc.
     
  12. texas_jack

    texas_jack Senior member

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    Women don't want "bad boys" in any long term sense, and guys that say that are losers. Women want nice guys with a spine who challenge them and can put them in their place from time to time, not invertebrate babies that ask permission for everything.

    Some women actually do want "bad boys" but most grow out of it by their mid late 20s. However, all women do want someone with spine.
     
  13. mkarim

    mkarim Senior member

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    +1. It's all about the confidence.

    What I don't understand are girls who are attracted to men who have no plans, or are severe hippies, etc.


    No plans, no career, no ambition, going nowhere in life, with alcohol and/or drug issues, high school dropouts, etc. Women seem to be drawn to those :)
     
  14. christinedaae

    christinedaae Senior member

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    Because, you are looking at something and seeing it's faults, and not looking at it's value.

    It's like if i were in a club and i was looking at a 5'10 redhead (i get weak in the knees for redheads), 120 pounds, athletic, just model material. to me it's like "duh " i want to hit that, to another girl she might be like "why would you want to date that tramp, you know she did this or did that". I don't give a damn lol.

    In other words, you guys are looking at guys, like guys look at guys, and not how women look at guys. women are ALOT more emotional than then men are, and base alot of their decisions off how things make them feel, versus rationality. That is not meant as a slight in the least bit, we are just freaking different, it is what it is. Women care more than anything, how you make them FEEL, not what you can do for them, what kinda life you can provide. I mean dont' get it twisted, all that is great, and defiantly helps, but it's nto what makes a woman tick. While I do good for myself in life,t hat in itself is not what turns women on. however, the fact that I know, i do good for myself, and I keep myself gives me the confidence, to treat women a certain way, which in turn, DOES turn women on.

    All of those things, having a career, havng a lie, good credit, are going to KEEP a woman , but they don't do jack shit, as far as actually attracting them. The bait on the end of the hook is how you make a woman feel.

    Understanding this difference, is the difference between lucking into a good looking woman who is prudent enough to know what she has, and agrees to marry you, but she always has the frame of the relationship and you end up being a miserable prick, but can't leave because you don't think you can do as good, and, knowing that you are going to be fine with the opposite sex regardless of what any one woman does. I always tell people man, getting women or getting laid is not the end game. I can take you to a strip club an get you laid. I want to control that area in my life. I want to date women i want to date, and i want to do it on my terms. To do that, you need to focus on how you make a woman feel more than anything. When you date women, and you are not on your terms, anymore, that's when it gets bad. That's when you rush into bad marriages because she's pressuring you, that's when you start having kids you really don't want, that's when you let your GF/Wife run up the credit cards to appease her, that's when you start buying cars and houses you don't want or need, that's when she convinces you that it's perfectly normal to not have as much sex as when we first started dating.
     
  15. horndog

    horndog Senior member

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    +1. It's all about the confidence.

    What I don't understand are girls who are attracted to men who have no plans, or are severe hippies, etc.


    Well, some girls have serious self-image and self-esteem issues where they at their core believe they're only deserving of low life men. These types of women are hopeless themselves, perhaps incapable of healthy relationships in any way. This goes even for women who are intelligent, professionally successful, seemingly well-balanced. Beneath those surfaces often lie a woman with real fucking baggage and father issues.

    Those are the outliers though and they cross both genders. I just find laughable the boring, spineless, or petty men who generalize all women to this category and blame them for themselves being boring, spineless, or petty.
     
  16. horndog

    horndog Senior member

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    Also, in general, girls that have fucked up preferences for men don't have a lot of value, and not worthy of the concern and heartache that produce these discussions.
     
  17. christinedaae

    christinedaae Senior member

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    Well, some girls have serious self-image and self-esteem issues where they at their core believe they're only deserving of low life men. These types of women are hopeless themselves, perhaps incapable of healthy relationships in any way. This goes even for women who are intelligent, professionally successful, seemingly well-balanced. Beneath those surfaces often lie a woman with real fucking baggage and father issues.

    Those are the outliers though and they cross both genders. I just find laughable the boring, spineless, or petty men who generalize all women to this category and blame them for themselves being boring, spineless, or petty.

    It goes back to hill's code of ethics (I use every tool I can get lol)


    I don't care, what she did, how fucked up her parents are, who abused her, what her expectations are, you aren't going to fix her. But you can fix yourself, and you did do something wrong. Every relationship I had, there is something I could improve on.

    When i was 17 (and this actually hurt, bad, when it happened), I dated a girl I actually really really liked. We dated for 8 months. She was a virgin at the time and while I love sex, I was getting it pretty regardless even then, I can respect a woman's virginity, and I told her that I didn't want to take it in the back seat of a car. I was going to do it right. I was waiting utnil prom night. It was February at the time.

    Well, as it turns out, that's exactly what she wanted. She went to a party, and had sex with like 4 dudes that night. That hurt. I mean HURT. It hurt me so bad I went to school the next day and had to leave after first period, I was a mess. But you know what, I never blamed her.l I learned, that even a cactus has to be watered every once in a while.


    (she has 4 kids now for what it's worth)
     
  18. christinedaae

    christinedaae Senior member

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    Well, some girls have serious self-image and self-esteem issues where they at their core believe they're only deserving of low life men. These types of women are hopeless themselves, perhaps incapable of healthy relationships in any way. This goes even for women who are intelligent, professionally successful, seemingly well-balanced. Beneath those surfaces often lie a woman with real fucking baggage and father issues.

    Those are the outliers though and they cross both genders. I just find laughable the boring, spineless, or petty men who generalize all women to this category and blame them for themselves being boring, spineless, or petty.

    It goes back to hill's code of ethics (I use every tool I can get lol)


    I don't care, what she did, how fucked up her parents are, who abused her, what her expectations are, you aren't going to fix her. But you can fix yourself, and you did do something wrong. Every relationship I had, there is something I could improve on.

    When i was 17 (and this actually hurt, bad, when it happened), I dated a girl I actually really really liked. We dated for 8 months. She was a virgin at the time and while I love sex, I was getting it pretty regardless even then, I can respect a woman's virginity, and I told her that I didn't want to take it in the back seat of a car. I was going to do it right. I was waiting utnil prom night. It was February at the time.

    Well, as it turns out, that's exactly what she wanted. She went to a party, and had sex with like 4 dudes that night. That hurt. I mean HURT. It hurt me so bad I went to school the next day and had to leave after first period, I was a mess. But you know what, I never blamed her.l I learned, that even a cactus has to be watered every once in a while.


    (she has 4 kids now for what it's worth)


    exactly. The girl that left me for the drunk that works at ihop.. seriously, if these are your decision making skills, just tip your hat and wish her the best of luck, and mean it, don't wish any ill will on the girl, she made her decision and move on. I'm not going to hound on how stupid she is or how much better I am, it is what it is. And I learned a lesson there, I have to qualify my women better (She was a redhead and i just skipped the rest of the qualifying process lol). At the end of the day I had no one to blame but me, I knew better. She was an ex stripper, even though she now had a college degree, she was 30 and was still living with her mom. Those are red flags that I ignored in the persuit of you know what, and i have me to blame, not her.
     
  19. Dylan1471

    Dylan1471 Active Member

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    I think all the good men have gone on Styleforum lol. We are a point in our lives late 20's and above where the concept of actually dressing like an "adult" with confidence and class outweigh the idea of hooking up with the barfly with all her emotional baggage. Hey listen, everybody has a crappy childhood one way or another...get over it and move on. Learn from the past and grow a pair all you slackers, hippie, and trust fund brats. Just my .02.
     
  20. christinedaae

    christinedaae Senior member

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    I think all the good men have gone on Styleforum lol. We are a point in our lives late 20's and above where the concept of actually dressing like an "adult" with confidence and class outweigh the idea of hooking up with the barfly with all her emotional baggage. Hey listen, everybody has a crappy childhood one way or another...get over it and move on. Learn from the past and grow a pair all you slackers, hippie, and trust fund brats. Just my .02.

    Circumstances do not make the man, they reveal him to himself - James Allen.

    Everyone has some shit they went through. My dad, is a womanizing man who left my mom to chase tail. was a good dad but still, he wasn't there all the tim and my mom is a religious nutcase. I am a recovered drug addict, though you'd never in 100 years guess if you saw me. Everyone has issues. Strong people use them as fuel to their fire, weak people use them as excuses not to do anything in life.
     

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