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Where Have the Good Men Gone

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by Kyoung05, Feb 23, 2011.

  1. Bill Smith

    Bill Smith Senior member

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    I completely agree. Unfortunately, it usually doesn't happen. At this point, I'm happy when a woman simply doesn't respond to an email or something. It's much better than being strung along.
    You know what that's good enough for me. I have a story for this thread. There's this woman, very attractive, my age (early 40s) and I have known her since we were in middle school. We run into each other at a local gala, I was a finalist for the local art awards for photography, she and I hung out for the evening, at the end I asked her if she wanted to go out for a hike. She said yes. I replied, fine I'll email you to finalize things. Well when that weekend came up, I emailed this woman I have known for basically 30 years to firm things up, no reply. Ok I guess that answered that question, she was not that into me, fair enough, I got busy with other things in my life. Cue a month later I was a global conference for my professional association and a mutual friend came up to me in the hallway at the Sheridan Hotel in downtown Toronto. "Bill, ------ told me to tell you, she did not replay back because she was on an Alaskan cruise". Let me repeat, I am at a global professional association conference with almost 2000 people in attendence, the chances of running into me to pass on a message are pretty slim. My reply, "Um, ok, thanks for telling me." As I walked back to Union Station, it hit me, "What a gall, ----- could not have been bothered to hit reply and come up with something even obtuse, how high school could you get?" But as the old infomercial guys used to say, "But wait, there's more." Two months later at a local jazz festival I run into ----- on the street and she then proceeded to pull out,"I'm sorry about that weekend, I was on a cruise." Talk about beating an already dead horse. My inner voice was screaming,"Sweetie, there's a reason why you're still single, it's you!" Of course I was polite, accepted her lame story and moved so I can catch Cuban Canadian pianist Hilario Duran's set.
     
  2. mkarim

    mkarim Senior member

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    My inner voice was screaming,"Sweetie, there's a reason why you're still single, it's you!"

    The winner :)
     
  3. Neo_Version 7

    Neo_Version 7 Senior member

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    She probably was on a cruise..
     
  4. Bill Smith

    Bill Smith Senior member

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    She probably was on a cruise..

    She was, I saw the photos on her FB wall. Hitting the reply button really is not hard to send at the very least a polite rejection (or even a lame one for that matter) as opposed to getting a mutual friend to do your dirty work, that just loses my respect.
     
  5. pstoller

    pstoller Senior member

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    I touched myself while reading "Gender Trouble," and fantasized about a world where outmoded gender stereotypes and struggling authors with no marketable skills except for a comp. lit. degree and 'keen social insight' eventually go the way of Rosie the Riveter.

    I'm not sure I'm reading you right: are you characterizing Judith Butler as a "struggling author with no marketable skills except for a comp. lit. degree and 'keen social insight?'" Or does she represent a contrast to said struggling authors?
     
  6. freeAgent

    freeAgent Senior member

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    You know what that's good enough for me.

    I have a story for this thread. There's this woman, very attractive, my age (early 40s) and I have known her since we were in middle school. We run into each other at a local gala, I was a finalist for the local art awards for photography, she and I hung out for the evening, at the end I asked her if she wanted to go out for a hike. She said yes. I replied, fine I'll email you to finalize things.

    Well when that weekend came up, I emailed this woman I have known for basically 30 years to firm things up, no reply. Ok I guess that answered that question, she was not that into me, fair enough, I got busy with other things in my life.

    Cue a month later I was a global conference for my professional association and a mutual friend came up to me in the hallway at the Sheridan Hotel in downtown Toronto.

    "Bill, ------ told me to tell you, she did not replay back because she was on an Alaskan cruise".

    Let me repeat, I am at a global professional association conference with almost 2000 people in attendence, the chances of running into me to pass on a message are pretty slim.

    My reply, "Um, ok, thanks for telling me."

    As I walked back to Union Station, it hit me, "What a gall, ----- could not have been bothered to hit reply and come up with something even obtuse, how high school could you get?"

    But as the old infomercial guys used to say, "But wait, there's more."

    Two months later at a local jazz festival I run into ----- on the street and she then proceeded to pull out,"I'm sorry about that weekend, I was on a cruise."

    Talk about beating an already dead horse. My inner voice was screaming,"Sweetie, there's a reason why you're still single, it's you!"

    Of course I was polite, accepted her lame story and moved so I can catch Cuban Canadian pianist Hilario Duran's set.


    I assume this woman is relatively successful in her professional life. It's strange how there doesn't always seem to be much correlation between personal and professional success, even though a lot of the basics are pretty similar.
     
  7. Bill Smith

    Bill Smith Senior member

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    I assume this woman is relatively successful in her professional life. It's strange how there doesn't always seem to be much correlation between personal and professional success, even though a lot of the basics are pretty similar.

    This woman is doing ok in an inside sales gig, decent group of friends, lots of personal interests, content with life. As for the correlation between personal and professional success, you nailed it.

    I didn't think I'd wind up being a bachelor in my early forties, it just sort of turned out that way. My younger brother on the other hand, been married for 10 years with two beautiful kids, go figure.
     
  8. Humperdink

    Humperdink Senior member

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    I'm not sure I'm reading you right: are you characterizing Judith Butler as a "struggling author with no marketable skills except for a comp. lit. degree and 'keen social insight?'" Or does she represent a contrast to said struggling authors?

    I was referring to the author of the piece in the OP. No clear?
     
  9. pstoller

    pstoller Senior member

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    I was referring to the author of the piece in the OP. No clear?

    It's clear now, thanks.
     
  10. Reggs

    Reggs Senior member

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    Ever since the OP article was posted, there has been a wild fire of responding articles in the news. It's really struck a nerve.
     
  11. intent

    intent Senior member

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    Ever since the OP article was posted, there has been a wild fire of responding articles in the news. It's really struck a nerve.
    Exactly as the writer intended.
     
  12. Bill Smith

    Bill Smith Senior member

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    Ever since the OP article was posted, there has been a wild fire of responding articles in the news. It's really struck a nerve.

    That's understating the case.
     
  13. christinedaae

    christinedaae Senior member

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    Let me lay down to you the way of hte world.

    Think of it, as a , what the hell is that thing you get on as a kid, oh a see saw. When you are a 20 year old guy, you are at the very top of that see saw and the woman is at the bottom. A 20 year old woman that is good looking has the world by the balls. Men want her, she has her choice of men.

    In the grand scheme of things, this is all genetic, a woman is suppose to use this time to find a good man, as this is her peak time. But women, blow off the men that they should not be blowing off in favor for the men that they should not be hooking up with, in order to get cheap thrills or just stupid decisions.

    Next thing you know, a woamn wakes up one morning and she's 29 years old and while, sitll attractive, she finds out a harsh reality. she is now, competing with 20 year olds, for the same men. The same men that would fawn at the thought of her, she's not an option, and probably not even a top one. Instead of facing personal responsibility, they become scornful.


    I have seen it time and time again. My own mother, bless her heart, is extremely intelligent, 3 degrees, makes real good money, over 100k, and from what I have been told is pretty good looking, but by the time she realized my dad, lol, was never going to keep his dick in his pants, nothing he ever even attempted to try to do, she was 31 with a child and single, competing with 20 year old childless women. she did not get remarrried into the week after I turned 21 and was well out the house.

    the good men are there, women just don't pay them any attention. Take myself, I'm not perfect, but I'm good looking, i'm 27, I make well into 6 figures from a business I started 5 years ago, no debt (At all), no kids, no ex, i stay in shape, I can dress, I read, I play the piano and violin, I like art, I love history. But you know what, I'm the same guy in all, that I was 4 years ago, and 4 years ago, I was not making the money I am now, I was in debt, but I was the same person, but women didn't bother to want to stick around to find out the type of person I was, I remember one girl actually broke up with me to date an alcoholic that worked at i hop. I lost very little sleep over it, I knew where I was going. Unlike some however, I was willing to put in the time, the hard work and make scarifies, some things that women just did not nor did not want to understand. Their loss. I could have been "had" at a time for a very low premium lol. There was one girl in particular I was head over heels for, she just "didn't feel it", now she always calls me and wants to go out and shit lol. yeah okay.

    But now, that I am young, and i have the world by the balls, why SHOULD I settle down, becuase you say I should lol? Women trying to shame men into being committed when they have no one to blame but themselves.


    There is a girl that honestly I kinda liked. I could have seen myself settling down with her. While I have dated better looking women, she wasn't ugly at all and we clicked. I got her and she got me. We dated for a while in a LTR. I live in little rock, she lives in Lexington KY. I would fly up to see her every month and she told me, looks you need to move here or I'm breaking up with you. I told her look, I plan to move there, (and I did), but you are going to have to be patient because I run a business, I just can't up and leave. She's 2 years older than me by the way, 29, and single. She would tell me I was "all talk" and was "tired of waiting on me to do something" She did break up with me, we still talk and she makes it known she would like to get back with me, I've more than moved on, she had her chance. Had she stuck it out for another 6 months.

    women are their own worst enemies and right now I'm having the time of my life.


    The problem is, good men aren't born, they are made. And women today, have no patience to wait for a good man to become a good man. That, is the real problem. They want quick fixes or finished products, but by the time a man is a finished product, he can usually do better than you. Had crystal (the 29 year old) waited I'd be living in lexington in the new house I bought, with a ring on her finger, and would have been happy doing so.

    I'm not saying I'm never going to settle down but it's going to take a HELL of a woman to get me to not be single.
     
  14. Bill Smith

    Bill Smith Senior member

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    The good men are there, women just don't pay them any attention.......

    ....I could have been "had" at a time for a very low premium lol. There was one girl in particular I was head over heels for, she just "didn't feel it", now she always calls me and wants to go out and shit lol. yeah okay.


    I think you nailed it. I am stuck in the friend zone with a few women I know, that honestly I would be really good relationship/husband material if it weren't for that massive relationship blind spot they hold onto.

    I'm at a point I just smile, shrug my shoulders and just keep living. It sounds terribly Buddhist of me but I don't hold onto the anger and bitterness with this whole situation. Takes up way too much personal energy and I have a busy enough life as it is.
     
  15. christinedaae

    christinedaae Senior member

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    I don't do alot of women friends, these women liked me, but, I scarified alot of things for my business. I did not go out alot, I worked my ass off, 70 - 80 hour weeks all the time. Women don't like that. I did not drive a new flashy car, i put the money into my business. I remember crystal in particular, she's into horses like I am, I talked about buying a broodmare, even came close to doing it, but i decided I best wait, and put the money in my business. she didn't like that at all, she wanted her damn horse. In 10 years I will be able to buy a fucking stable of horses, had she just been freaking patient most 22-25 year old women, dont' want to hear this crap. You don't know how many times I was told to "live a little" or "lighten up" or "have some fun". OH i'm having fun now. Women, from my experience, have unrealistic expectations of life. They want to be able to have fun and kick it, have someone daring and likes to party, yet still want a "good", "financially secure" man, not realizing that utnil they are in their 30's you more times than not, can't have both, and by then, it's too late, they have chosen wrong, time and time again. To get you a "good man" you are going to have to give up some stuff for the greater good. Just like the men who become good men, had to give up somethings to achieve what they want to do. you think i don't like drinking and partying? No I just like being successful more.

    Then when you do get in a position where you are catch worthy, most women price themselves out the market. I went to hawaii a month ago, this girl I am somewhat seeing, got pissy that I didn't' offer to take her with me. Mind you, I have been somewhat seeing her for 2 months. Because we have had sex for 2 months you think you have earned the right to fly for free and live it up off my dime on an all expense paid trip to hawaii lol? beh bye.
     
  16. Bill Smith

    Bill Smith Senior member

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    christinedaae, You're further ahead than most people your age and it sounds like the women in your world are still mentally teenagers regardless of the fact chronologically they are in their late 20s. It gets a little more depressing when in my case you see the same kind of women in their late thirties/early forties after the first sometimes second divorce. One thing got drilled into my head a long time ago, life/the cosmos/ the higher being you choose to worship will send you lessons, first you have to figure out what they are and learn from them. Ignore said lessons, you are doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over again until you finally get it. Of course there will be more lessons. Most men and women out there are too thick to figure this out. If you are really smart, you learn from other people's relationship f**k ups as well as your own. This whole issue reminds of me the Cave analogy from Plato's Republic and that comes from the stew of pop culture (movies, magazines, how to books, TV shows), peer pressure (don't underestimate) and cultural/family expecations we have been marinating for the past couple of decades. I think the damage has been done from the Boomers on down to the Millenials and I think both men and women have to grow up if we want to get out of this relationship mess we're in. That being said I have a couple of dates this week, maybe there's a happy ending after all...
     
  17. mkarim

    mkarim Senior member

    Messages:
    4,645
    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2008
    Let me lay down to you the way of hte world.

    Think of it, as a , what the hell is that thing you get on as a kid, oh a see saw. When you are a 20 year old guy, you are at the very top of that see saw and the woman is at the bottom. A 20 year old woman that is good looking has the world by the balls. Men want her, she has her choice of men.

    In the grand scheme of things, this is all genetic, a woman is suppose to use this time to find a good man, as this is her peak time. But women, blow off the men that they should not be blowing off in favor for the men that they should not be hooking up with, in order to get cheap thrills or just stupid decisions.

    Next thing you know, a woamn wakes up one morning and she's 29 years old and while, sitll attractive, she finds out a harsh reality. she is now, competing with 20 year olds, for the same men. The same men that would fawn at the thought of her, she's not an option, and probably not even a top one. Instead of facing personal responsibility, they become scornful.


    I have seen it time and time again. My own mother, bless her heart, is extremely intelligent, 3 degrees, makes real good money, over 100k, and from what I have been told is pretty good looking, but by the time she realized my dad, lol, was never going to keep his dick in his pants, nothing he ever even attempted to try to do, she was 31 with a child and single, competing with 20 year old childless women. she did not get remarrried into the week after I turned 21 and was well out the house.

    the good men are there, women just don't pay them any attention. Take myself, I'm not perfect, but I'm good looking, i'm 27, I make well into 6 figures from a business I started 5 years ago, no debt (At all), no kids, no ex, i stay in shape, I can dress, I read, I play the piano and violin, I like art, I love history. But you know what, I'm the same guy in all, that I was 4 years ago, and 4 years ago, I was not making the money I am now, I was in debt, but I was the same person, but women didn't bother to want to stick around to find out the type of person I was, I remember one girl actually broke up with me to date an alcoholic that worked at i hop. I lost very little sleep over it, I knew where I was going. Unlike some however, I was willing to put in the time, the hard work and make scarifies, some things that women just did not nor did not want to understand. Their loss. I could have been "had" at a time for a very low premium lol. There was one girl in particular I was head over heels for, she just "didn't feel it", now she always calls me and wants to go out and shit lol. yeah okay.

    But now, that I am young, and i have the world by the balls, why SHOULD I settle down, becuase you say I should lol? Women trying to shame men into being committed when they have no one to blame but themselves.


    There is a girl that honestly I kinda liked. I could have seen myself settling down with her. While I have dated better looking women, she wasn't ugly at all and we clicked. I got her and she got me. We dated for a while in a LTR. I live in little rock, she lives in Lexington KY. I would fly up to see her every month and she told me, looks you need to move here or I'm breaking up with you. I told her look, I plan to move there, (and I did), but you are going to have to be patient because I run a business, I just can't up and leave. She's 2 years older than me by the way, 29, and single. She would tell me I was "all talk" and was "tired of waiting on me to do something" She did break up with me, we still talk and she makes it known she would like to get back with me, I've more than moved on, she had her chance. Had she stuck it out for another 6 months.

    women are their own worst enemies and right now I'm having the time of my life.


    The problem is, good men aren't born, they are made. And women today, have no patience to wait for a good man to become a good man. That, is the real problem. They want quick fixes or finished products, but by the time a man is a finished product, he can usually do better than you. Had crystal (the 29 year old) waited I'd be living in lexington in the new house I bought, with a ring on her finger, and would have been happy doing so.

    I'm not saying I'm never going to settle down but it's going to take a HELL of a woman to get me to not be single.


    This is the most truthful, intelligent and to-the-point post I've read in a long time. Its pretty much the story of my life! I see so many guys who give up their goals and ambitions just to become the types of guys women look for. In essence they are initially quite good, intelligent, educated etc but end up becoming the "bad boys" and the fixer-uppers that women run after. Sad.

    Thanks for posting.
     
  18. GQgeek

    GQgeek Senior member

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    She was, I saw the photos on her FB wall. Hitting the reply button really is not hard to send at the very least a polite rejection (or even a lame one for that matter) as opposed to getting a mutual friend to do your dirty work, that just loses my respect.

    +1

    How hard is it to send a text or reply to a text in a timely fashion? People carry their phones everywhere and almost anyone with a decent job has a smartphone. It literally takes 30 seconds.
     
  19. Neo_Version 7

    Neo_Version 7 Senior member

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    Maybe she didn't have a good plan?
     
  20. GQgeek

    GQgeek Senior member

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    Maybe she didn't have a good plan?

    I don't text much so I didn't bother with one of those big plans that includes free texting. A text costs me 5 cents.
     

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