Discussion in 'General Chat' started by newyorker, Apr 25, 2005.
I do it because I enjoy it - pure and simple.
Well, that is the best reason. Forget my over-analyzing sillinesses.
Same reason a dog licks his ba....
never mind. Sorry. Excuse me please.
When I'm posting here or perusing the archives, it's because I have nothing better to do. Sorry.
Here's my 2 cents, understanding that I'm new to all this:
I'm trying to dress well because it makes me feel good. Better clothes are, well, better, in the absolute sense. My AE shoes are "better" than my Sears-brand, period (no relativism here, that's why the Pope's socks cost $200, he appreciates absolutes).
I know they're better, I can feel the difference; therefore, I walk taller and that, in turn, provides its own benefit. People notice, people judge you on your clothes, etc.
In sum, though, and more directly to your thread, the origin of what makes me feel better need only be known to me, but the outcome of that self-awareness is obvious to anyone who knows me.
We dress so this doesn't come back to haunt us: (Sorry for the cross-post.)
Style is a type of intelligence or creativity and as such is qualitatively different from skin care or buffing up. Clothes say something about your stance vis-a-vis the world and that stance may be attractive to this or that other person. But the bone structure of Brad Pitt or Wesley Snipes will get you tons more women than any suit, that's for sure. Given a choice between taste and looks, pick looks every time.
I'll go one better - confidence (and even a little arrogance) will get you more female attention than just looks ever could. Â If you walk around with the attitude that you're not all that attractive, trust me, women will notice. Â Conversely, they will very quickly notice the opposite as well. Â
Dont worry about what vanity cards you think have been dealt to you, when you go out, act (and more importantly - BELIEVE) like you are the man. Â Not like a boisterous fool, but a confident gentleman. Â Trust me, Brad Pitts bone structure wont mean all that much to you anymore....
Which brings us full circle.
Confidence is probably the single biggest asset to have for general success in life. (Brains, probably a close second, but brains w/o confidence gets you nowhere, while confidence w/o brains could get you elected - but I digress).
Where can confidence come from? Well to the extent it comes from your appearance, it can come from your looks and your clothes. How much comes from each is up for debate (and likely changes based on the individual). THIS forum, however, is dedicated to discussion of just the clothes aspect. Some people like to look their best, some people lack the confidence (or just the information) to make their own clothing decisions, and still others are simply generous with their knowledge. The bottom line is, however, that each person can and does decide for themselves whether and how these forums help them to be confident, etc.
In short, realize that these are style forums, not "life" forums, and that, despite what looking on this or any other enthusiast site may suggest, clothes (or computers, or whatever) are not the be-all end-all of life. Just a potentially interesting component of it.
are there any 'life forums' out there?
But the bone structure of Brad Pitt or Wesley Snipes will get you tons more women than any suit, that's for sure.
I'll go one better - confidence (and even a little arrogance) will get you more female attention than just looks ever could. Â If you walk around with the attitude that you're not all that attractive, trust me, women will notice. Â Conversely, they will very quickly notice the opposite as well. Â Dont worry about what vanity cards you think have been dealt to you, when you go out, act (and more importantly - BELIEVE) like you are the man. Â Not like a boisterous fool, but a confident gentleman. Â Trust me, Brad Pitts bone structure wont mean all that much to you anymore....
Spare me from the type of women attracted by those very confident men glorified in the States. Well...I am spared from them...and I don't even have to do anything. Meeting people who exude confidence is always a bore... This reminds me of Igby Goes Down. Not a wonderful movie, but it illustrates the point. The snooty, ambitious, brother wearing boring prepgear gets the girl. The aimless boho brother is on the road again, presumably heading toward a life of depression and hallucinogens. The movie highlights the fact that... THE AGE OF COOL IS OVER. THE AGE OF THE SQUARES HAS BEGUN.....
being aimless ain't too cool, in my book. i've been there (heck i AM there much of the time) and it's just depressing.
Have no idea why this thread hasn't been moved, but Lydia, the stereotype of the cool, aimless boho a la James Dean is just as cliched and stupid as that of the square, type A amibitious dude.
Confidence doesn't derive from driving a SL whatever (I know jack about cars) or from being a rebel. It can't be faked or propped up by material things.
On a more practical note, one of the coolest guys I've ever met (or if he was faking it, it was impossible to tell) told me that if I really wanted to make an impression, you've got one chance - literally at the door.
Never enter as part of a pack. Enter alone, or with a girl, if absolutely necessary. Everyone's eyes (at a party, board room meeting, etc...) immediately goes to the door, and you don't want to share the spotlight. Take just a split second to appraise the room, don't move at all, but don't be big and dramatic about it and swivel your head or eyes around, or you'll look like a fool. Then walk in, and go about your business.
It was a stupid thing to say. I didn't mean to suggest that Igby was cooler than his brother. I would prefer to be like his brother, and I don't feel comfortable around those boho types anyway. When I thought about the cliched A-type male though, I was just reminded of the Orc sticking the spear into the human in Lord of The Rings. I had to make some kind of reference to it. Hardly appropriate, but it was a beautiful image - in the movie at least. The point about coming in alone is a memorable one. It is an good way to maximize your "punch". It could be applied to other settings, of course.
I didn't mean to come down on the side of depression either. I'm just a little bit tired of hearing the merits of confidence, and the importance of projecting it. I have to think of a better way of debunking it, though.
I kinda find this funny, and I dont mean anything by it (not a tit for tat), but in my experience the women Ive know who have claimed "they dont care about confidence" for the most part have gone for THE most arrogant guys.
I can only speak from experience, and years of empirical data has shown me that ladies are attracted to confidence over almost all things - over money, over looks, over clothes. The only thing I can think of that rivals confidence is power and/or fame, which adds a whole other dimension in itself.
I truly do not think one can overstate its impact, and not only on the singles circuit.
edit - Lydia - dont confuse confidence with being a "alpha male" or conceited. Actually, I find these guys to be really lacking of it and shroud it with foolish actions. Eg, if you are truly confident, you can poke fun at yourself because you are secure. Most "alpha males" cannot do this because they lack this security.
Ok - enough psychbabble.....
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