Discussion in 'General Chat' started by patrickBOOTH, Jul 11, 2011.
This is amazing. You truly have a way with words.
for some reason that story reminded me of a time when I was 8 or 9 years old. I was at some youth thing at church and we were watching a movie (probably about Jesus). The room was fairly big, and a lot of kids were there. Like most larger classrooms, this one had the TV set up at one side of the room (the front), while bathrooms were on the other side (the back). While the movie was on, I felt a rumble and knew what was up. I entered the bathroom, which was empty, and took a seat. I remember giving a good push as apparently a big push was necessary, but what I thought was a solid actually turned out to be a gas, and the noise it made upon exit was earth shattering. So much for Moses parting water. Because it was so loud I became mortified and actually exited the restroom slowly and peered out from the door to see if anybody was looking back at me. Nobody was, praise the lord, and I rejoined society peacefully.
Looking back years later, I actually crack up at the thought of watching a movie about Jesus and all of a sudden being disrupted by somebody's ass exploding in a bathroom at the other side of the room
I remember in 4th grade I started laughing so hard I uncontrollably started farting. The girl that I had a crush on pointed at me and started laughing. I tried to rub my shoe on the leg or the desk or something to try to re-create the sound so people would think it was my shoe, but no dice.
That pretty much sums up my life.
A similar theme so thought this might raise a smile - enjoy
when I was in 6th grade, I had my legs perched up at the side of the desk and let out a squeaker on accident. A table of girls right next to me did the "oh gomestar farted!", and all faced I grabbed a sheet of paper, folded it, and pretended like I was doing the paper squeak thing and that was the noise they heard. They didn't buy it, and 30 seconds later "oh my god it smells".
And now I at least a few times a year thinking about it.
And one time I was working in a wine store and the other guys working there were as equally enthusiastic as I was about farting. On a dare, I sat at the main tasting table and let out a tiny bit of the one I had loaded. It sounded hilarious, problem was I couldn't stop laughing, and because of that I let out the whole motherfucker right then and there. God, so uncouth.
oh, and when I was 5 or 6, I always let out huge ones at the dinner table just to piss my mother off. Finally she got fed up "god damn it gomestar, you go to the bathroom to do that!!". So next dinner, I loaded one and abruptly jumped from the dinner table and ran over to the bathroom (which was just a few feet from the kitchen table). I then proceeded to sit on the bathroom counter solely so I could get some noise leverage, and let them out as lound as I could before immediately returning to the dinner table. Needless to say I was also yelled at for doing that and my "but you told me to go in to the bathroom to do that and so I did!!" excuse did not work. My dad laughs at it these days.
My mother always freaks out if somebody farts at the dinner table. I still ignore her.
oh, and in elementary school my class went on a field trip. I had been having rotten farts all day but kept them to myself. The class was on a school bus, and one of my good friends made an obvious joke along the lines of "that lunch was so bad, it makes me want to far .... ohhhh too late!", at which point I unleashed a silent one that suffocated the entire back half of the bus. Peole were fanning books in his direction and he was all "but I really didn't I swear!!!". It was hilarious for me.
just found this thread!
chris(?) has some literary chops - reminds me of a benign vanity,
my friend was in the gents (either airport or club) washing his hands when he heard a terrible racket coming from a stall - out-of-control flatulence mixed w/ maniacal giggling/laughter. just as he was leaving the stall opend & jack nicholson came out w/ a shiteating grin on his face....
I just witnessed a guy with his face fully lathered up sahving with a bic razor in the bathroom at work. What is wrong with people?
Do women read the paper on the John? Whenever I am walking into the bathroom holding a newspaper and I pass a woman I feel like she is secretly judging me.
A long time ago before they added onsite locker room with showers, I walked into the bathroom after lunch and there were two guys in tighty whiteys standing at sinks giving themselves spongebaths.
We have a germ-guy, who in addition to utterly bizarre in-BR behavior, does not wash his hands until after has exited the BR (he goes to the kitchen pantry). He waits until someone else opens the door, either coming or going, and then scoots out w/o touching anything. If no one goes in or out and he has to wait more than a couple of minutes, he will THEN cursorily wash his hands in the BR in order to carefully remove a paper towel that he uses as an insulating wrap so that he may open the door himself, and then makes a beeline for the kitchen where an especially vigorous washing takes place.
I think that many women see it as "gross" when someone openly enters a public workplace BR w/ reading material. A FS (frequent sh!tter) I used to work with was always tearing out articles from the paper, then folding and pocketing them. When I asked if he kept clippings on particular subjects he replied that they were for 'the can' and that it "puts chicks off" if they see you walk in w/ a paper or mag.
When my wife was in medical school, they had a couple classes on BMs, and bathroom behavior was discussed. She said that men were much more likely to read in the bathroom and on average took a longer time for BMs.
This threak is so funny.
There's a guy in my office who does one of the weirdest things I've ever encountered. When he is on the john he will use what truly must be half a roll of toilet paper. It sounds like he is rubbing sandpaper on his ass...it's a repeated fast rubbing noise. Does this for 5 minutes, accompanied by several flushes.
I don't know what the fuck he is doing.
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