What to wear?

[Mr. Moo]

Interesting... I think I'll talk to my friend and get his take on the issue. I have a feeling the chalkstripe wouldn't work, and I don't have and don't plan on buying another suit between now and Sunday. So that leaves odd jackets and pants, and I have a feeling black pants and the houndstooth jacket will be the way to go... but I will ask.

 

[edmorel]

chalkstripe for me says business, not festive nor somber. This is a great reminder for people starting/building up their wardrobe. I solid navy or dark grey suit is a great suit to have if you only have 1-2 suits. They can see you through pretty much everything.

 

[sjg22]

I would say that the occasion calls for a suit and that the chalk stripe would work fine, so long as it is suitably dark. Paired with a white shirt and dark tie in a traditional pattern, you will not look out of place. Undoubtedly you are putting more thought into your attire than nearly every other attendee and so keep that in mind.

Also, as the unveiling of the headstone I would assume will take place outdoors, I would say that you should wear a dark overcoat (I'm assuming where you are is a tad cool now), which would cover up the majority of your suit anyway.

Don't overthink the room.

 

[cold war painter]

I know black suits aren't looked upon favourably here but I think it's worth having at least one in the wardrobe for the sole reason that in the event one has to attend an unexpected funeral, the last thing one wants to think about is going shopping.

Which is not to say a navy or charcoal suit wouldn't work for this occasion.

 

[TheFoo]

In my estimation, there are exceedingly few social groups in which it would matter precisely what kind of suit you wear to such an event.

Just don't wear Hopsack. Unless you want to look like a laconic postal worker from a destitute African village.

 

[itsstillmatt]

Originally Posted by Mr. Moo

I have been asked by a very close friend to attend the unveiling of a headstone at a cemetery this Sunday. I believe this is 1 year after the death of their relative and, in my mind, this is a sort of celebration of their life and the unveiling of the headstone is a tribute. In other words, it is not a grim affair.

The problem is that I don't own a black suit, black sport coat or black shoes. I have black pants and a black shirt. I have a navy chalk-stripe suit and a black/grey chunky hounds tooth sport coat. I have dark brown shoes and many different shirts/ties.

What should I wear? A small part of me wants to put on black pants, a black shirt and the grey/black sport coat, but I don't want to look like a waiter. Then again, I don't want to offend anyone, and seeing as how this is a Russian/Jewish event, I am 99% sure most men will wear black regardless of whether it's a happy event or not (Russians love black for everything).

Thanks guys!

I saw a Russian/Jewish unveiling a couple of years ago. It was going on a few hundred yards from the site of my father's. It seemed like everybody was in a dark suit and no tie, and they were whooping it up. The headstones were crazy, nothing like the rest of the cemetery.

 

[Mr. Moo]

Originally Posted by iammatt

I saw a Russian/Jewish unveiling a couple of years ago. It was going on a few hundred yards from the site of my father's. It seemed like everybody was in a dark suit and no tie, and they were whooping it up. The headstones were crazy, nothing like the rest of the cemetery.

Sounds about right. I am heavily leaning towards all black/grey and no tie, possibly white pocket square. It's not my family by blood, and being asked to be there is an honor (they needed 10 men and were short 1), so I just want to play this as safe and respectful as possible.

 

[Tamburlaine]

It's a funeral - it's about remembering the person, not a fashion parade. Although, undoubtedly, being well-dressed comes into the equation, playing it safe is never a bad move in these circumstances. There are plenty of other occasions to dress otherwise...

 

[Mr. Moo]

Originally Posted by Tamburlaine

It's a funeral - it's about remembering the person, not a fashion parade. Although, undoubtedly, being well-dressed comes into the equation, playing it safe is never a bad move in these circumstances. There are plenty of other occasions to dress otherwise...
I am happy you chose my thread as your first post, but you are half mistaken. It is not a funeral; it is a headstone unveiling. However, I am starting to think that in my culture they are more or less one in the same.

 

[forsbergacct2000]

I'm a bit incredulous at all the thought that goes into what is worn at funerals. It's really not a fashion show. Wear something dark and conservative, a suit if preferable.

If you've been around long enough to have 4000+ posts, you already know that anyway.

If you really want to wear chalk stripes to this event, do it. Most people would probably not choose that.

 

[itsstillmatt]

Guys, an unveiling is not a funeral, it is something completely different. On top of that, and no offense to Russian Jews, but Russian Jewish ceremonies are not like the rest of ours. Like I said above, people whoop it up at these things. They party. It is as much celebration as mourning, actually, more celebration than mourning. FWIW, I've always worn a sportjacket and tie to these things. I wouldn't to a funeral, but this is not a funeral.

 

[apropos]

Originally Posted by Night Owl

you have black shorts dont you
Grow the **** up.

A dark charcoal paired with a white shirt seems like a safe option.

 

[radicaldog]

How about black trousers, white solid shirt, grey houndstooth jacket, matte grey solid tie (lighter than the coat)? Instead of the checked coat you could wear the flannel sportscoat you wore in the infamous shorts photo -- I'd say it would be more appropriate. Either way: not very formal, but sober, stealthy, and respectful.

Brown shoes will look terrible with black trousers though -- do you have burgundy/oxblood/cordovan shoes? Or a pair of grey flannels? In the latter case you should probably wear a blue tie (extreme monochrome is showy).

Black shirt and no tie is also an option, though a far riskier one. And one I wouldn't really consider, but probably that's just me.

A navy suit would probably be fine, but the stripes would make you look like you just popped out of your office.

 

[comrade]

Originally Posted by Mr. Moo

I have been asked by a very close friend to attend the unveiling of a headstone at a cemetery this Sunday. I believe this is 1 year after the death of their relative and, in my mind, this is a sort of celebration of their life and the unveiling of the headstone is a tribute. In other words, it is not a grim affair.

The problem is that I don't own a black suit, black sport coat or black shoes. I have black pants and a black shirt. I have a navy chalk-stripe suit and a black/grey chunky hounds tooth sport coat. I have dark brown shoes and many different shirts/ties.

What should I wear? A small part of me wants to put on black pants, a black shirt and the grey/black sport coat, but I don't want to look like a waiter. Then again, I don't want to offend anyone, and seeing as how this is a Russian/Jewish event, I am 99% sure most men will wear black regardless of whether it's a happy event or not (Russians love black for everything).

Thanks guys!

I really don't know what the fuss is about. Most people who attend unveilings have attended
the departed's funeral a year before. You evidently do not fit into this category. Otherwise,
you would have already known what this crowd wore. I am sure you will choose something
that will make you one of the best dressed. In any case, my experience attending
such events in the Bay Area, especially Silicon Valley, is that very few men in attendance
are appropriately dressed. Last January I attended the funeral of my wife's friend and colleague,
who died suddenly and tragically. Surely a grim affair. Nevertheless, of the fifty or so men
at the event, there were maybe two neckties. Even her husband and adult son were tieless.
No surprisingly, a noticeable few could not restrain themselves from fiddling with their
i-phones during the eulogies.

 

[modern_leifeng]

Originally Posted by Mr. Moo

Sounds about right. I am heavily leaning towards all black/grey and no tie, possibly white pocket square. It's not my family by blood, and being asked to be there is an honor (they needed 10 men and were short 1), so I just want to play this as safe and respectful as possible.

I would think the chalk stripe with a black shirt and no tie might be okay and would fit in, as long as the suit is a darker grey.