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Wedding planning update: Please help me convince my fiancee that my groomsmen do not have to be carb

Discussion in 'Classic Menswear' started by quaker13, Nov 15, 2012.

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  1. E TF

    E TF Senior member

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    Good idea. You could also find some footage of actual weddings like that of Kate and Wills last year. Plenty of well dressed guests, none of them matching.
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2012
  2. unbelragazzo

    unbelragazzo Senior member Dubiously Honored

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    The Prince of Jersey Shore, perhaps.


    Great post, Kaplan, thanks for those pics. Part of the problem is that dressed used to be more standardized. Men wore morning dress to weddings, and morning dress is already pretty closely proscribed. So to modern eyes, men might look like they worked out a group theme together, but that's just how everyone dressed for formal events back then. They aren't "matched" any more than a bunch of political candidates work out matching outfits before appearing on stage for a debate or some other political theater. It's just dark suit, white shirt, simple tie for everyone.

    I haven't done a study of it, but I would imagine that the main culprit for the craze towards matching outfits, even when going away from the traditional morning dress and into the abyss of fuchsia accessories, is the wedding planning industry. They make more commissions when they can convince the bride and groom to foist $2k or more worth of expenditures on crappy clothing upon their loved ones. Insisting that everyone match guarantees that clothing purchases must be made for the occasion. And they know just the perfect place to fill all of your gaudy clothing needs!
     
  3. bigasahouse

    bigasahouse Senior member

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    Manton had an excellent article on Wedding Attire that talked specifically about not having the groomsmen all match.

    It used to be found here:
    http://www.askandyaboutclothes.com/Tutorials/AntongiavanniWEDDINGATTIRE.htm

    The article also used to be here:
    http://www.thelondonlounge.net/gl/forum/viewtopic.php?t=6562

    It even was listed here at one point:
    http://www.styleforum.net/a/what-should-i-ask-my-groomsmen-to-wear


    All these links to the article are dead now. It's too bad because I was saving it for when my brother gets married. I had some great pictures as well of non-matching wedding parties. Anyone remember it or have a copy?


    Searching online, this is all I could find of an example of nonmatching groomsmen:

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2012
  4. quaker13

    quaker13 Senior member

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    You guys have been pretty helpful. Has anyone else noticed how this topic has clearly defined the more alpha vs. the more beta male posters on this forum. surely i am not the only one
     
  5. quaker13

    quaker13 Senior member

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    this "going along to get along, happy wife happy life" mentality is partly responsible for the increasing emasculation of the american male
     
  6. MASTERTAILOR

    MASTERTAILOR Member

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    Are the bridesmaids dresses matching? How many groomsmen? How many bridesmaids?
     
  7. quaker13

    quaker13 Senior member

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    3 bridesmaids 3 groomsmen. the chicks will all be wearing the same purple but different dresses(depending on body types)
     
  8. tgt465

    tgt465 Senior member

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    Use the Internet Archive to get copies of old web sites that have since disappeared:

    http://web.archive.org/web/20070206....com/Tutorials/AntongiavanniWEDDINGATTIRE.htm
     
  9. dbhdnhdbh

    dbhdnhdbh Senior member

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    Quote: As a reasonably happy, thoroughly emasculated, American male, I can say there are worse things. Like going through life alone.

    From the perspective of >30 years marriage to the same woman:

    When we got married I was still in grad school. I wore the only suit I had. The same one I wore to my interviews to get in grad school, and the same one I wore for my job interviews when I graduated. My best man had been in the working world for a few years, has always been a clothes horse, and I am sure he wore a much nicer suit. There was never any question that I would tell him how to dress for that or any other event. I like to think he would have ignored my uninformed suggestions if I had. My other male friends were either in my boat- no job, no money to spend on a special suit, or his boat- working but far from the means to get some crazy suit just for the wedding. They wore the suits they had, some nicer than others. They looked nice.

    Looking over old wedding photos a few years ago I realized that I still had my suit, so I wore it for our 30th anniversary. What can I say? It was a cheap suit I could afford at the time.

    My wife did the standard bride "been planning this for years" thing. I was amazed that she had any idea what to do, since I had none. So she and her mother handled everything, which was fine with me.

    If your friends are early enough in their careers you could try objecting on the grounds that you do not want to force your groomsmen to lay out money for suits they will never wear anywhere else. Note also that nice suits are expensive. These weird wedding outfits, since they are one-time items, are made to even lower standards than the cheapest suit someone in early career might otherwise buy. Neglecting the color schemes, they look like the thrown together junk they are. Take the approach that you want the groomsmen to look good, and that is unlikely to happen if they show up in purple "wedding" suits.

    In other words, propose that you do not want to inflict on your groomsmen the same waste of money to which she is consigning her bridesmaids. To claim that it is fair, some women do manage to look reasonably good in their costumes. In part this may be because women can wear a wider variety of colors and styles without looking ridiculous. Men cannot. Not my rules, but that is the way it is.

    Now, all the married men join in the phrase that keeps the marriage happy "Yes dear"
     
  10. New Shoes1

    New Shoes1 Senior member

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    Yes, "Alpha Male" was the first term that came to mind when I read your post on a clothing forum asking for advice on how to convince your fiancee to let you be the one to pick your friends' outfits for the wedding. [​IMG]
     
  11. VaderDave

    VaderDave Senior member

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    Burn.
     
  12. JubeiSpiegel

    JubeiSpiegel Senior member

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  13. facet

    facet Senior member

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    This is exactly what I was thinking that it's probably no more complicated than that. Just seeing an opportunity to make some money and being able to convince those who normally wouldn't know otherwise.


    lol.
     
  14. EBugatti

    EBugatti Senior member

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    Hey Quake-- my gf of 1.5 years (20 years my junior and smoking hot) has been begging me to marry her. She says I can show up in my underpants if I want as long as I go through with it. :satisfied:
     
  15. acridsheep

    acridsheep Senior member

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    ^ I am in a similar boat as you, though mine is only 8 years younger. I'm much more agreeable than some of the other alpha males in this thread, however, having agreed to limit the number of bridesmaids I allow to service me in the hours preceding any nuptials to no more than 3.

    The things we do for love.
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2012
  16. cptjeff

    cptjeff Senior member

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    I wouldn't do that at the wedding itself, but the rehearsal dinner would seem like it's fair game to me.
     
  17. quaker13

    quaker13 Senior member

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    touche'
     
  18. quaker13

    quaker13 Senior member

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    make sure you get that prenupt
     
  19. Claghorn

    Claghorn Senior member Dubiously Honored

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    Seems like this thread has been more of a gauge of our approach to gender roles and cynicism.

    So...her bridesmaids don't have matching dresses, just matching colors. And your groomsmen can't do the same? That, sir, is bullshit.

    This seems like a pretty persuasive argument

    I'm in the process of co-planning a fairly simple wedding. It's still a year off, but neither the bridesmaids nor the groomsmen are to be matching. I'm asking that my groomsmen wear suits in the gray range (I'm hoping some go for two and others for three button, and that some opt for a white pocket square while others don't have a ps),white shirts, and solid navy ties of their choice. I'll be wearing the same but with a more vivid blue tie.
     
    Last edited: Nov 27, 2012
  20. quaker13

    quaker13 Senior member

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    to be fair,

    she has been on board with different ties and or psquares from the start.
     

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