WAS I TAKEN?

[beargonefishing]

I once dated a woman who claimed she was an alien. From the Pleiades...

If she was hot enough, I would have believed her.

 

[FlyingHorker]

We need updates OP!

Did you eat your suit yet?

 

[beargonefishing]

Just throw the suit off the top of a building. If it falls at free fall speed, it's legit. If it falls faster than free fall speed, the government perpetrate 9/11.

 

[gte872h]

Count ....... thank you.

OP, if you do the burn test, eat one natural fiber, then poop it out. Then eat one synthetic fiber and poop it out. Now eat the mystery fiber and poop it out. Use the other two poops as your controls, and see which poop smoke the mystery poop smoke most closely resembles.

All of this is very sound advice.

Now this next part may sound a little weird, but if you’d like to know it’s pure wool with 100% certainly; you will have to ingest a little amount of poop. You may find this completely absurd but the chemical properties of wool change as it makes it way through your intestines. You will be able taste the difference. Only a mad person would eat their own poop so I’m not suggesting this at all. Think of it like a wine tasting where you have already sampled many wines and need to drive afterwards. The toilet bowl would be your spit cup in this scenario. I’m embarrassed to admit I have done this in the past and there’s really no way of saying that it is a pleasant experience, because it is not pleasant at all. But you will know if it is 100% wool with absolute 100% certainty.

 

[beargonefishing]

Seriously, you guys aren't taking this seriously. He should burn the jacket. If the smoke is black, there's a 50% chance the jacket may or may not be wool. If the smoke is less black, the jacket is probably on fire. If the test is inclusive, buy and bun another.

If the second test is also inclusive, have the maker send you pictures of the fabric swatch with the mill's name. Next, contact the mill and directly order a few hundred feet of the same fabric. Frankly, it's wasteful to burn a fully make jacket when you can just burn the fabric directly to determine it's constitution.

 

[varsityreds0123]

There is such a thing as taking a joke too far.

 

[usctrojans31]

Seriously, you guys aren't taking this seriously. He should burn the jacket. If the smoke is black, there's a 50% chance the jacket may or may not be wool. If the smoke is less black, the jacket is probably on fire. If the test is inclusive, buy and bun another.

If the second test is also inclusive, have the maker send you pictures of the fabric swatch with the mill's name. Next, contact the mill and directly order a few hundred feet of the same fabric. Frankly, it's wasteful to burn a fully make jacket when you can just burn the fabric directly to determine it's constitution.

Yeah but if the smoke is white, people will think there is a new pope, so your move.

 

[norMD]

Friday night gave us advice of eating ones own ****. I wonder what crap saturday night has in store...

 

[RJman]

I once dated a woman who claimed she was an alien. From the Pleiades...

disappointed no one has mentioned knowing a guy who claimed to have colonized Uranus...

 

[FlyingMonkey]

If she was hot enough, I would have believed her.

Put it this way, it almost made me believe in those old sci-fi stories where all the aliens are extremely well-endowed women....

There are quite a few of them around as it happens, and all equally loopy: https://www.spiritualunite.com/articles/pleiadian-lightworker/

disappointed no one has mentioned knowing a guy who claimed to have colonized Uranus...

This thread is already coprophilic enough...

 

[gte872h]

The pleiadian lightworker discussion is what I was getting at with my advice before. I’m suggesting OP’s root chakra is in a state of imbalance.

How does the saying go? You must look within to.... I will let the enlightened Mariah Carey finish this out.

[EDIT FOR CLARITY]

What better way to look within than digging through your own ****?

 

[gte872h]

Or maybe I need to find a new guru? My guru just told me literally can also mean figuratively. This is embarrassing!