Valuable advice to most Americans

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by dkzzzz, Sep 14, 2006.

  1. odoreater

    odoreater Senior member

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    I despise people who compulsively follow professional sports and talk all the time about them. It is the most plebian trait one can develop.

    You got picked last in gym class didn't you?

    [​IMG]
     
  2. seanchai

    seanchai Senior member

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    I despise people who compulsively follow professional sports and talk all the time about them. It is the most plebian trait one can develop.

    I thought this was about Americans? I knew we had the best professional sports in the world, but I didn't know we had the ONLY ones... [​IMG]
     
  3. muelleran

    muelleran Senior member

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    First let me point out that there are two things I really hate: Gross generalizations about other peoples and the damn Dutch.

    Americans I kindly ask to refrain from the following:

    When riding on the train and talking on your cell phone remember that people who sit ten meters away from you don't care what you are talking about and might even be bothered by the noise you are giving off. To the Gentleman from this afternoon: Thanks for sharing all about the "presssure cell" you were trying to purcase - One of these days I am going to cut (one of) you into little pieces.

    Don't assume that American culture will take over the world: Don't say things like: Well, in Switzerland they don't have Halloween YET.

    Don't expect Europeans to be dressed in some sort of Swiss or German clothes and then take the fact that they are not as proof that they took over American culture. Don't say things like: all kids in Germany are dressed like Americans, they all wear Addidas and Puma.

    Stop wearing shorts in town. Don't tell us that we can do it too if we complain about it.

    Henry Ford did not invent the automobile.
     
  4. Tokyo Slim

    Tokyo Slim In Time Out

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    They dont have Halloween in Switzerland yet?

    I'll bring that up at the next "American World Domination meeting". I'm not sure anyone was aware of that.
     
  5. lawyerdad

    lawyerdad Senior member

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    Don't assume that American culture will take over the world: Don't say things like: Well, in Switzerland they don't have Halloween YET.

    [​IMG] I LOVE that. God Bless Friggin' America. I'm going to start using variations of that around non-American friends every chance I get. Maybe I can drop one of those on hapless European tourists before I direct them to the wrong freeway onramp . . .
     
  6. designprofessor

    designprofessor Senior member

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    Valuable advice to Americans:

    Keep bathing more than foreigners.
    Americans are loud, but I feel that for the most part our
    armpits are less potent.
     
  7. redcaimen

    redcaimen Bigtime

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    Don't assume that American culture will take over the world: Don't say things like: Well, in Switzerland they don't have Halloween YET.


    We dont really have Halloween in the States anymore. It used to be a big deal, but a big deal limited to those under 13 or 14. Now adults view it as something they should be participating in and have pretty much ruined it.
     
  8. Kent Wang

    Kent Wang Affiliate Vendor Dubiously Honored Affiliate Vendor

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    I don't know about you but Halloween is the biggest party date in my social circles, even bigger than New Years Eve. Everyone loves costumes.
     
  9. odoreater

    odoreater Senior member

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    A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting. "Entschuldigung, können Sie Deutsch sprechen?" He asks. The two Americans just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez-vous français?" The two continue to stare. "Parlate italiano?" No response. "Hablan Ustedes espagnol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.

    The first American turns to the second and says: "You know, maybe we should learn a foreign language..."

    "Why?" says the other, "that guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."

    [​IMG]
     
  10. A Harris

    A Harris Senior member Dubiously Honored

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    I first saw this when some English friends of mine visited us back in 2001. I am still laughing at them [​IMG]
     
  11. Aureus

    Aureus Senior member

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    1. When in restaurant do not try to out-yell the music that usually blaring through speakers.

    2. When conversing in a crowded bar/restaurant, talk at a normal volume or sit closer. Stop yelling you platitudes over entire city block.

    3. When laughing try to laugh like a human and not like a horse. Reduce volume 10 fold. This advice is equally important to men and women.

    4. Stop whistling in public places!!!

    5. Chew with your mouth closed and without sounds!

    6. Cover your mouth with your hand when yawning.

    7. Once in a while eat your lunch with fork and knife instead of your both hands.

    8. Talk less often about sports or new cars.


    Feel free to add.


    [​IMG]
     
  12. itsmeJT

    itsmeJT Active Member

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    1. When in restaurant do not try to out-yell the music that usually blaring through speakers.

    2. When conversing in a crowded bar/restaurant, talk at a normal volume or sit closer. Stop yelling you platitudes over entire city block.

    3. When laughing try to laugh like a human and not like a horse. Reduce volume 10 fold. This advice is equally important to men and women.

    4. Stop whistling in public places!!!

    5. Chew with your mouth closed and without sounds!

    6. Cover your mouth with your hand when yawning.

    7. Once in a while eat your lunch with fork and knife instead of your both hands.

    8. Talk less often about sports or new cars.


    Feel free to add.


    agree on all points
     
  13. Nantucket Red

    Nantucket Red "Mr. Fashionista"

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    Heaven forfend we act like plebes!
    Scorning fun and interesting things because one considers such plebian pleasures to be unworthy of one's exalted status is the most large-piece-of-lumber-up-the-ass traits one can develop.


    Oh, come on . . . a 6x8 isn't all that big.
     
  14. acidboy

    acidboy Senior member

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    They dont have Halloween in Switzerland yet?

    I'll bring that up at the next "American World Domination meeting". I'm not sure anyone was aware of that.


    does it also have an online forum?
     
  15. hopkins_student

    hopkins_student Senior member

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    One of these days I am going to cut (one of) you into little pieces.

    What does this mean?
     

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