One good turn deserves another, so in the name of equal time (from a former waiter): US Restaurant Customers' Worst Behavior: Snapping fingers desperately to get server's attention while they are taking another customer's order. Grabbing server by the arm or apron stings as they walk by, particularly while they are carrying hot soup or cocktails. Calling female servers "Honey" "Sweetie" or "Toots," or calling male servers "Buddy" or "Champ." Ordering something that doesn't vaguely resemble anything on the menu. Ordering Prime Rib or Ahi tuna well-done. Ordering a Turkey burger medium-rare. Asking questions about the food or wine that you already know the answers to, just to show off to your trampy date. Making a big show out of sampling the cheap wine you ordered, acting as if you were an expert; making comments like, "Nice oaky undertone" or "I sense a hint of cherry" about a bottle of what is essentially fermented Kool-aid. (Dude, anyone can take a damn wine class at The Learning Annex, you aren't special-if you really knew wine you wouldn't have ordered the cheap shit.) Lingering over an hour after the meal has been finished as the bill has been paid and the restaurant is closing for the night, even as you see busboys stacking tables and chairs all around you. Not showing up for your reservation, or better yet showing up an hour late for your reservation and still expecting the next table available. Asking to have the music or air conditioning turned up or down, as if you were the only person in the restaurant. Expecting the waiter to wait for you to finish your cell phone call to take your order. For extra effect, grab a hold of their arm and don't let go indicating that you will be done with your phone call "in just a sec." Making comments like, "There goes you tip." Showing up to a busy restaurant across the street from a performing arts center twenty minutes before the curtain and attempting to order and eat a three-course meal (including a well-done sirloin) before your show. Shoving your chair out far away from the table, thus blocking the path for the restaurant's staff. Asking if you can order from the children's menu. Going to a hip, urban restaurant and asking for Ranch or Thousand Island dressing on your baby greens salad. Bringing a Vegan friend to a classic steakhouse and complain about the lack of dining choices. Accusing the sever of giving you a regular instead of decaf cappuccino. Claiming you can "taste the caffeine." Asking the server for a cocktail that is not in any bartender's guide and only made in one bar back in Hooterville where you are from. Expect the bartender to be able to figure it out just from you saying, "I think it has rum in it." Putting your used plates and glasses on the clean table next to yours. Lying through your teeth and exaggerating to the manager about a slight incident in hopes of getting a free dessert-never mind if it causes the server to lose their job. Insisting on a table for six for your party of three at a peak time. Showing up at a busy restaurant with a party of 15 without a reservation and wondering why you can't be seated immediately. While at a banquet or reception with a pre-set menu and mass-serving of hundreds of people asking for a special meal (just for you) in the middle of the chaos. Going to a four-star restaurant with the hottest chef in town and asking for one of the signature, work of culinary art masterpieces with "sauce on side" "truffle oil on side" "no frissee" and "can he sautÃ it in regular oil instead of olive oil" and "Make sure the smoked salmon isn't too fatty." And let us not forget: Experiencing flawless, personable, professional service and still leaving a shitty tip.