To all the successful, experienced members - Was it all worth it?

[Piobaire]



/\ To that I can only add/\ ; to those of you still in your 20s ....you guys have something to look forward too...,30s are the best years of men's life, provided you have not encumbered yourself with wife and kids.
40s are ****! Your health is going to go sideways your athletic abilities and even the way you feel in the morning are all going to suck. So enjoy your 30s with freedom , money and if you lucky with interesting occupation and hobbies, unless of course you have decided to devote best years of your life to changing diapers.

Sounds like you have low T. I'm on the far side of 40 and that really does not describe me well.

 

[HORNS]

Totally. yolo.

 

[bings]



,30s are the best years of men's life, provided you have not encumbered yourself with wife and kids....unless of course you have decided to devote best years of your life to changing diapers.

this is USUALLY the case but you can get around it. you simply need to bring so much to the table that you can straight face "you stay home and raise the kids and have dinner ready when i come home... oh and you are not allowed to get fatter or in any way not hot... in fact, you need to get increasingly hotter despite the kids and diapers etc."

if you're bringin the heat this CAN happen and it friggin should.

if a man's earnings continue to increase and he keeps himself fit and healthy then i don't see why a woman should be allowed to do any less unless she wants him to trade her in for a younger model.

i've gone too far here and i know that.

 

[redboat]

I think you will find that wealth will make you comfortable and give you options...but it will not make you happy[FONT=Helvetica Neue, HelveticaNeue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]. The status that wealth imparts is very superficial and unsatisfying.[/FONT]

I've found that happiness (or maybe just contentment) is much, much more about good health, good relationships with family and friends and community, and fulfilling activities. It's easy to take things like these for granted, but without them, life tends to fall somewhere on the scale between total misery and depressingly empty.

So was "it worth it?" Well, if you started out poor, you will probably need to work for most of your life anyway, so you might as well do something that is interesting and that pays reasonably well.

But trying to climb the corporate ladder to the highest levels will ultimately demand giving up almost everything. So I would say balance is more important than a complete focus on career. If you find that your career is forcing you to compromise your health, a good family life, and outside activities, then it may be time to think again. And unless you are in a glamour career like the performance arts or professional sports, most employers will be pretty flexible in terms of giving you what you need for life balance - good people are hard and expensive to find, so if they like you, ask for what you need.

 

[LooksGood]

no need for pm'ing brooooooooo.

some of this is environmental.

if you work where you are expected to put work in front of family then stop working there if the balance matters to you. I spent better than a half decade in a work culture where the strength of my marriage and family was an important reflection of character and was a key factor that put me on to the executive team before 30. My wife hasn't worked in 5+ years staying at home with our kids but the company was run by men who did the same and appreciated a traditional value-set. it was also an environment where my being a non-smoker/drinker was valued similarly.

the vices you have or imperfections... find a way to demonstrate how they bring value or support your overall character when challenged on them. don't commit to change things you don't want to actually change in your life.

you also have to create or install an element of 'right place, right time'. There are at least 10,000 businesses in North America that are having succession planning issues and need to find the next generation of leaders. PE firms, boards of directors etc. etc. will be pushing any company whose senior leaders are 60+ to develop people inside or go find young talent. Take advantage of this. guys that are 28-35 who have a few years of good experience are ripe for these types of programs.

truth is, most people our age have no clue how to run their own lives let alone be allowed to make decisions in a company that impacts the lives of others. However, if you are not awesome then you're going to have to resign yourself to doing things that yield not-awesome results.

put some big victories under your belt and on your resume... if you only have an undergraduate degree then that will likely hold you back too. education shouldn't ever stop until you want to stop moving up.

be so awesome that other companies want to poach you... leverage that into a better package at your current job or hold out until you get the right offer and jump ship but never be disrespectful or drop the ball at your current role even if leaving is inevitable. your next employer will be flexible when you tell them 'i won't compromise my current role to negotiate my future with you and I can commit to behaving likewise when the next company tries to recruit me away from you

"

Thanks. I met with one of the chief officers at my company today and it went well, though he didn't take action to place me in another role yet. I think his overall message was:

1. I'm impressed
2. This company needs smart, passionate people like you
3. I want you to stay as an engineer for now

So while it was not the best outcome, at least:

1. I left a good impression
2. If a position/role comes up, I'll be on the shortlist.

 

[Piobaire]



Thanks.  I met with one of the chief officers at my company today and it went well, though he didn't take action to place me in another role yet.  I think his overall message was:

1.  I'm impressed
2.  This company needs smart, passionate people like you
3.  I want you to stay as an engineer for now

So while it was not the best outcome, at least:

1.  I left a good impression
2.  If a position/role comes up, I'll be on the shortlist.

This just does not read true.

 

[redboat]

this is USUALLY the case but you can get around it. you simply need to bring so much to the table that you can straight face "you stay home and raise the kids and have dinner ready when i come home... oh and you are not allowed to get fatter or in any way not hot... in fact, you need to get increasingly hotter despite the kids and diapers etc."

if you're bringin the heat this CAN happen and it friggin should.

if a man's earnings continue to increase and he keeps himself fit and healthy then i don't see why a woman should be allowed to do any less unless she wants him to trade her in for a younger model.

i've gone too far here and i know that.

I'm glad you know. This post lacks humanity and insight in the extreme. If a marriage consists of one person "not allowing" the other basic life happiness, then divorce or misery will follow.

 

[globetrotter]



Sounds like you have low T. I'm on the far side of 40 and that really does not describe me well.

+1. forties are treating me well. true, I have to adjust my expectations, I can't lift as much as I could at 29 (but I also don't spend 12 hours a week surrounded my smelly men) or run as much as I could at 19 (and, again, I don't live in a tent surrounded my smelly men) but I feel great and keep pretty fit, and I have a lot more sex and amd more comfortable and eat better and dress better etc etc etc

 

[HRoi]



Thanks.  I met with one of the chief officers at my company today and it went well, though he didn't take action to place me in another role yet.  I think his overall message was:

1.  I'm impressed
2.  This company needs smart, passionate people like you
3.  I want you to stay as an engineer for now

Sorry but this is classic corporate runaround language if that's what he said

 

[bings]



I'm glad you know. This post lacks humanity and insight in the extreme. If a marriage consists of one person "not allowing" the other basic life happiness, then divorce or misery will follow. 

or you're wrong and i'm right.

i guess we'll see.

 

[redboat]

or your wrong and i'm right.

i guess we'll see.

OK, let me know how it works out for you.

 

[redboat]

Thanks. I met with one of the chief officers at my company today and it went well, though he didn't take action to place me in another role yet. I think his overall message was:

1. I'm impressed
2. This company needs smart, passionate people like you
3. I want you to stay as an engineer for now

So while it was not the best outcome, at least:

1. I left a good impression
2. If a position/role comes up, I'll be on the shortlist.

Well, you certainly can keep your job as an engineer. You may or may not be on the "shortlist" for any other positions.

Some advice if you really want to advance your career: rather than focusing on "moving up", look for ways you can take additional responsibilities. Make yourself a key player in as many realms as possible, not through an official promotion, but by energetically looking for larger roles - even campaigning for them. This means identifying things that need to be done in the organization that no one else is doing; often it is easy to grab these since most people are lazy and don't want the extra responsibility.

This strategy can put you in a position as an indispensable player in the organization, and give you tremedous leverage when it comes time to negotiate raises and promotions. And it can happen in just a few years if you keep focused. And even if your current organization does not recognize your value, the skills gained will enable to go for positions in other firms that do recognize it.

 

[yjeezle]



1.  I left a good impression
2.  If a position/role comes up, I'll be on the shortlist.

You got the runaround here.

My advice is to take a week long vacation (or however long you need).

Also consider:
1) Imagine yourself being successful in 5 years, then 10 years. Is what you're doing right now going to get you there? Are you happy with your result?
Then flip the above scenario.
2) Your chief officer doesn't know/doesn't care about your career and how fast you're advancing through your career.
You need to ask your direct manager what you need to do as feedback.
3) Just because you work long and hard doesn't mean that you're good at your job. That's the hard truth.

 

[Piobaire]



2) Your chief officer doesn't know/doesn't care about your career and how fast you're advancing through your career.
You need to ask your direct manager what you need to do as feedback.

Key point here on how to piss off your direct supervisor: go above him/her and try to impress someone several rungs up the org chart.

 

[redboat]

Key point here on how to piss off your direct supervisor: go above him/her and try to impress someone several rungs up the org chart.

True, getting along with everyone is important. But waiting for your supervisor to tell you "what you need to do" won't work either. If you are in a hurry and ambitious, you will want to be their boss soon, and they are not going to tell you how to do that, because they probably don't know, and of course they have their own agenda.

You will need to find ways to make yourself widely indispensable by grabbing responsibilities as they become available. Three notional examples to give the general idea:

1) You've heard a new proposal/technology marketing effort is starting soon and key roles have not been assigned. Think about a key role you would like to occupy (and think you could do a good job with) and start campaigning for the job.

2) Senior management is flying in to get a brief on your local organization's ongoing projects and technologies. Volunteer with your local organization to build a briefing summarizing those projects and technologies you are familiar with, and volunteer to give it to senior management when they visit.

3) The yearly research budget needs planning but everyone is busy: volunteer to organize and implement the planning process, defining research goals, budgets, schedules, and connecting it to the hoped-for business results.

These may not be directly relevant to your current organization, but hopefully help illuminate the idea.