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nootje

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The whale penis joke has already been topped by Aristotle Onassis. No point in pursuing that angle.
 

mgm9128

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I’ve been delivering food to this one dude for the past couple weeks and notice when I give him reheating instructions at the door he listens but just blankly stares into the distance without ever making eye contact...whatever, maybe he’s autistic, maybe he’s medicated, maybe it’s Maybelline...but yesterday I brought a pizza and told him I put some ramps on it that I picked in the forest, and he immediately snapped that he loved ramps and actually looked me in the eye and I could see light
 

mgm9128

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Opted out of my Hamptons cooking obligations because I made the executive decision that I didn’t want to spend my summer living with a bunch of horny, Godless reeetards.
 

mgm9128

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This what you call “expression” of no control
3D549CAE-A85C-4578-B101-A57916AAFCE4.jpeg
 

mgm9128

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The Pope is kicking a rainbow colored beach ball around the garden of the Vatican and the Papal order is eating kumquats from the tree, watching on with side splitting laughter.
 

mgm9128

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What the woman truly wants is not what you’ve become, but what you’ve stopped yourself from becoming.
 

mgm9128

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Does anyone else know how to hop through transdimensional portals like this?
 

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