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mgm9128

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Gosh, I really liked this one lady I’ve been cooking for, but last week she gave me some of her brisket with homemade BBQ sauce to taste, and when I opened the container the smell almost made me puke, and now I think less of her as a human being.
 

Piobaire

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Was in Trader Joe’s earlier just buying pistachios (the only reason I go to Trader Joe’s) and got a legitimate death stare by an old lady as I was checking out because I wasn’t wearing a mask. But since my vastly superior Italian genetics overpower the frail and demonic white Anglo-Saxons I’m surrounded by, no one ever dares to tell me to put a mask on, and I just continue on my way unflustered.
I'd tell you to fuck right off and then knock you so hard your kids would be born dizzy. True fucking story. My rage about you selfish fucks knows no bounds at this point and I'm very sure if I didn't keep it in check I could kill.
 

mgm9128

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Marriage and the nuclear family is a conspiracy perpetuated by Procter & Gamble to sell you unnecessary paper towel products.
 

mgm9128

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A sexuality focused solely on the genital region is not a true sexuality. It’s like putting mustard on one small section of a hot dog and disregarding the rest; it is incomplete.
 

mgm9128

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I should probably copyright some of this amazing advice.
 

mgm9128

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Bros, you need to take some LSD and watch the second Indiana Jones movie in the dark with all your clothes off.
 

mgm9128

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I think I’d like to write a self help book that only I read.
 

mgm9128

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If you spend some time peeling artichokes, your hands become impregnated by a bitter compound from the leaves. Consequently, if you pick up any piece of food with your hands and then taste it, it will taste bitter. You may forget your hands have been tainted and attribute the bitter flavor to the food itself…this is exactly like perception…if your mind has been tainted/programmed/corrupted you see the world as such, not because the world actually is, but just because your eyes have dirt in them.
 

mgm9128

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I was just peeling the skin off some boiled dates and wondering to myself this must be what Thai women feel like who massage weird, fat Western men’s balls.
 

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