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The Styleforum Herald Intelligencer Times

Tokyo Slim

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Today's headlines from The S.H.I.T.

The Food Network's Guy Fieri finds new ways to sell out:
Starts hair and skincare product line. Jersey Guido's rejoice.




Hollywood officially runs out of ideas,

will start shooting the remake of the James Bond movie Quantum Of Solace before the original has even left the theater. No word if Daniel Craig will reprise his role of James Bond in the new movie, which the studio is calling a "re-re-boot" of the recently re-booted franchise. The word of the street is, is that they are looking to cast someone old, asexually nonthreatening, seemingly incapable of physical violence, and therefore entirely dependent on ridiculous gadgets. Roger Moore's agent has declined to comment.



President elect, Barack Obama starts campaign to relocate US Capital to Chicago;

Claims that Chicago is the most "bipartisan city in America". Also, he doesn't feel like moving all his stuff.
 

Tokyo Slim

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U.S. doesn't get any cool new shit for the holidays. When you open your presents on Christmas, you won't find a new Stainless Steel finish Wii, or a fuel efficient Ford turbodiesel sports rocket that goes 0-60 in three seconds and gets 80MPG. Santa gives all the good stuff to Asians and Europeans. You also won't be getting a brand new cell phone that is elegant, full keyboard, touchscreen, excellent software, quad band, 3g, wi-fi, lightning fast, great sound quality, beautiful to look at, never drops calls, is nearly unbreakable, water and smudgeproof, has a miraculous new cameraphone that not only captures 10+ megapixel images that have been rated higher than the best DSLR's on the market, but can also resolve 3D holographic photos that you can share online. Oh, and the camera only costs $99 which INCLUDES an unlimited talk/text/and data plan (domestic and international!). And is ecologically friendly to produce, and is 100% recyclable. Why not? Because we live in the U.S. and we don't get cool shit like that here. Thats why.
 

Tokyo Slim

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College Football Rivalry Week - Nobody Outside Your State/s Care! Washington State v The University of Washington Only losers care. LSU v Ole Miss Only hicks care. Ole Miss v Mississippi State Only hicks who were not satisfied with the previous 'Ole Miss game care. Missouri v Kansas Only Nelly and Dorothy Gale care. Oregon St. v Oregon Only hippies care. Vanderbilt v Tennessee Only people who know where the hell Vanderbilt is care. USC v Notre Dame Only people wanting to witness a Trojan/Leprechaun sex act will care. Florida State v Florida. Only people sitting next to these chicks care.
 

Tokyo Slim

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Magic 8-Ball predicts economic crash, first Black President! When asked today whether the US economy will tank within the past year or so and whether we will have elected the first black President of the U.S. last month, the "Magic 8-Ball" says simply and succinctly "It Is Certain". This same magic 8-ball has been reliably proven to be 51% accurate in fortelling the past. which if you take that, and add it to the 100% certainty that the 8-Ball seems to feel in this instance, equals 151% accuracy! There you have it America. Prepare yourselves for these stunning predictions to come true. In the past.
 

Tokyo Slim

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¡ɐɔıɹǝɯɐ ssǝlq poƃ

˙ʎʇǝıɔos ɹıǝɥʇ ʇnoqɐ ɥɔnɯ os suıɐldxǝ ʇı ˙ǝɔɐds oʇuı ɟɟo ƃuıllɐɟ ɟo pǝıɟıɹɹǝʇ ˙ǝɟıl ǝɹıʇuǝ ɹnoʎ ɹoɟ ɥʇɹɐǝ ǝɥʇ ɟo ɯoʇʇoq ǝɥʇ oʇ uo ƃuɐɥ oʇ ƃuıʌɐɥ ǝuıƃɐɯı

¡uʍop ǝpısdn ɹǝʇndɯoɔ ɹıǝɥʇ dılɟ oʇ ǝʌɐɥ ʇ,uop ɐuıɥɔ uı ǝldoǝd ʇɐɥʇ os sıɥʇ ƃuıʇıɹʍ ɯɐ ı

¡punoɹ sı ɥʇɹɐǝ ǝɥʇ ʇɐɥʇ ɹǝʌoɔsıp sʇsıʇuǝıɔs
 

Tokyo Slim

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Tokyo Slim is unanimously voted Style Forum "Guy Who's Posts I Most like To Emulate" by readers! Perhaps you've noticed a trend in the streets lately? Young, up and coming posters with a familiar style, maybe with a "new" clever idea, a piece of news, a viral video, or etc... that you SWEAR you've seen before? Hmm... where could that be? Oh yes. Slim did that yesterday/last week/last month/last year/two years ago/infinity. Hating on the Mac? Back in the day, I was the only one. Really. Now look how popular it's become! Fellating a microphone thread? Scooped some major sites by a week on that one. Starting a product design thread? I was all over it. In fact, I might resurrect that soon. Even though the new thread is retreading some of the same territory. blah blah blah. He wins a lifetime supply of deja vu and the scorn of all for being petty enough to point out that he said/did/posted the same thing a while ago. Congratulations, Slim!​
 

Tokyo Slim

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In this uncertain economy, people are not willing to pay for a subscription to the S.H.I.T.
Much like the Seattle P.I. I am waiting for an investor to come take the S.H.I.T. off my hands.
 

DNW

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Originally Posted by Tokyo Slim
In this uncertain economy, people are not willing to pay for a subscription to the S.H.I.T.
Much like the Seattle P.I. I am waiting for an investor to come take the S.H.I.T. off my hands.


Why can't you be like other newspapers, operating in the red for years at a time?
 

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