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The State of Black Tie: Your Observations

classicalthunde

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Agreed. Whatever my own solution might be to your dilemma, it wouldn’t involve wearing black tie to an afternoon wedding. Maybe throw the rig in the trunk of the car and look for somewhere to change for the evening events.

JMHO
Yea, I could even wrap my head around bending/breaking the rules if it was late afternoon Mass (like 3 or 3:30) and rolled straight into a cocktail hour at 5pm. But 3 hours is a lot of down time to be putzing around the city out of place in a tux...
 

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Etiquette question - I have a black tie optional wedding coming up later this month, the Mass is at 1pm (presumably until 2pm) and the cocktail hour/reception does not start until 5pm. The wedding is about 20 min away from our house, so we won't have a hotel room...and we're currently undecided if we're going to stay in the city and get into shenanigans in between ceremony and reception. Should I:

1: wear my tux to the daytime ceremony against 'evening wear' traditions, wear tux to the reception
2: wear suit to daytime ceremony, go home in between and change into my tux for the evening reception at the cost of some hassle and being seen as "extra" for a wardrobe change for not my own wedding

I feel like wearing a tuxedo during the day is a mortal sin rather than venial one, but on the other hand I don't have too many opportunities to wear my tux, so I'd like to break it out for this occasion...
I do not think it's "extra" to wear a formal suit during the day and switch it up in the evening with a dinner suit. With a 3hour window, that's a good amount of time to return with a fresh boost of energy for the reception. You'll have others wishing they had used their time more wisely too!
 
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Concordia

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Etiquette question - I have a black tie optional wedding coming up later this month, the Mass is at 1pm (presumably until 2pm) and the cocktail hour/reception does not start until 5pm. The wedding is about 20 min away from our house, so we won't have a hotel room...and we're currently undecided if we're going to stay in the city and get into shenanigans in between ceremony and reception. Should I:

1: wear my tux to the daytime ceremony against 'evening wear' traditions, wear tux to the reception
2: wear suit to daytime ceremony, go home in between and change into my tux for the evening reception at the cost of some hassle and being seen as "extra" for a wardrobe change for not my own wedding

I feel like wearing a tuxedo during the day is a mortal sin rather than venial one, but on the other hand I don't have too many opportunities to wear my tux, so I'd like to break it out for this occasion...
Unless Mass is expected to run for 4 hours, you've got plenty of time to change. Perhaps there will be a shared living room in a hotel suite for out-of-towners? If all goes well, you'll have time to wear your lounge suit to a baseball game before the sun goes down.
 

Thin White Duke

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Best to check with the groom or minister regarding the itinerary. I went to a left-footer wedding once that included full on communion for the entire crowd. Either it took several hours or it certainly felt like it did, end result being the same.
 
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upr_crust

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Etiquette question - I have a black tie optional wedding coming up later this month, the Mass is at 1pm (presumably until 2pm) and the cocktail hour/reception does not start until 5pm. The wedding is about 20 min away from our house, so we won't have a hotel room...and we're currently undecided if we're going to stay in the city and get into shenanigans in between ceremony and reception. Should I:

1: wear my tux to the daytime ceremony against 'evening wear' traditions, wear tux to the reception
2: wear suit to daytime ceremony, go home in between and change into my tux for the evening reception at the cost of some hassle and being seen as "extra" for a wardrobe change for not my own wedding

I feel like wearing a tuxedo during the day is a mortal sin rather than venial one, but on the other hand I don't have too many opportunities to wear my tux, so I'd like to break it out for this occasion...
I have experienced your conundrum first-hand, attending a black-tie optional wedding (a one-hour Mass) with a three hour time gap between the end of the ceremony, and the beginning of cocktail hour.

For the record, my husband and I opted for option #2, as the wedding and reception were both in Manhattan (wedding on the Upper East Side, reception at Chelsea Piers), and our apartment was logistically in between (Murray Hill). I can also tell you that we were the only guests who opted to change between ceremony and reception - the only other gentlemen in black tie were the wedding party, and the fathers of the bride and groom.

For this wedding, I also performed my duties as the Bow Tie Whisperer, tieing the groom's bow tie, and several of his groomsmen, millenials having little to no idea, in general, how to tie a bow tie. I was summoned to the wedding party's hotel several hours before the wedding to perform this task, a warm and humid day, and there are pictures of me, sweating in a polo shirt and shorts, tieing bow ties. Happily, the photos are only in the possession of the married couple.
 

Van Veen

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Etiquette question - I have a black tie optional wedding coming up later this month, the Mass is at 1pm (presumably until 2pm) and the cocktail hour/reception does not start until 5pm. The wedding is about 20 min away from our house, so we won't have a hotel room...and we're currently undecided if we're going to stay in the city and get into shenanigans in between ceremony and reception. Should I:

1: wear my tux to the daytime ceremony against 'evening wear' traditions, wear tux to the reception
2: wear suit to daytime ceremony, go home in between and change into my tux for the evening reception at the cost of some hassle and being seen as "extra" for a wardrobe change for not my own wedding

I feel like wearing a tuxedo during the day is a mortal sin rather than venial one, but on the other hand I don't have too many opportunities to wear my tux, so I'd like to break it out for this occasion...
Having done (1) in my younger days because I was afraid of being seen as "extra" as in (2), I would 100% encourage you to do (2). I was the only person in the church not in the wedding party wearing a tux, and I felt really out of place. OTOH I wonder if me wearing a tux at the church encouraged some of the other guests to change into their tuxes for the reception. (That's what I tell myself to make me feel better.) There were at least 5 guys who changed into tuxes for the reception, and this was not exactly a high society wedding (solidly upper middle class though).

A year or two ago I was in a similar situation. I learned from my mistake and changed between the ceremony and reception. No regrets. Either you should wear a business suit to both the ceremony and reception, or wear a suit to the wedding and change into a tux for the reception. Don't wear black tie to a daytime ceremony.
 
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JJ Katz

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Either you should wear a business suit to both the ceremony and reception, or wear a suit to the wedding and change into a tux for the reception. Don't wear black tie to a daytime ceremony.
If you wear your suit with a classic wedding tie and white shirt, you will look fine at night too (assuming that it’s not possible to change into black tie)
 

Thin White Duke

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If you wear your suit with a classic wedding tie and white shirt, you will look fine at night too (assuming that it’s not possible to change into black tie)
This is true of course, but legit reasons to wear black tie are so few and far between (at least in my world!) that given the opportunity to penguin up I personally would jump on it!
 

classicalthunde

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I do not think it's "extra" to wear a formal suit during the day and switch it up in the evening with a dinner suit. With a 3hour window, that's a good amount of time to return with a fresh boost of energy for the reception. You'll have other's wishing they used their time wisely too!
yea, I'm leaning towards number 2 as well...
Having done (1) in my younger days because I was afraid of being seen as "extra" as in (2), I would 100% encourage you to do (2). I was the only person in the church not in the wedding party wearing a tux, and I felt really out of place. OTOH I wonder if me wearing a tux at the church encouraged some of the other guests to change into their tuxes for the reception. (That's what I tell myself to make me feel better.) There were at least 5 guys who changed into tuxes for the reception, and this was not exactly a high society wedding (solidly upper middle class though).

A year or two ago I was in a similar situation. I learned from my mistake and changed between the ceremony and reception. No regrets. Either you should wear a business suit to both the ceremony and reception, or wear a suit to the wedding and change into a tux for the reception. Don't wear black tie to a daytime ceremony.
yea, I'm think my mind is set up on 2
 

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