• I'm happy to introduce the Styleforum Happy Hour, our brand new podcast featuring lively discussion about menswear and the fashion industry. In the inaugural edition, a discussion of what's going on in retail today. Please check it out on the Journal. All episodes will be also be available soon on your favorite podcast platform.

  • STYLE. COMMUNITY. GREAT CLOTHING.

    Bored of counting likes on social networks? At Styleforum, you’ll find rousing discussions that go beyond strings of emojis.

    Click Here to join Styleforum's thousands of style enthusiasts today!

The rebound

Stazy

Distinguished Member
Joined
Sep 6, 2006
Messages
7,194
Reaction score
439
...
 

Piobaire

Not left of center?
Joined
Dec 5, 2006
Messages
59,961
Reaction score
22,580
Why do you want to avoid it? Rebound Guy gets to have the sex she would not do with her BF and then she leaves you in two months.
 

Huntsman

Distinguished Member
Joined
Jul 3, 2004
Messages
7,776
Reaction score
543
Well, if you are her rebound guy, there's probably little you can do.

If she's actually interested in you, then there's some room for your actions to make a difference: Respect her space, let your understanding of her situation become a little extra tenderness that you show her, understand that if she lashes out or there are issues over what may seem trivialites, they may have more to do with the past than with you -- so be slow to be angered or offended, and talk about things in a calmer frame of mind. And though I suppose it doesn't work for everyone, I would actually talk with her about her needs going forward wrt the progress of your relationship.

But the most important thing to remember is that it isn't a 'what to do with a girl in this situation' it is a 'what to do with this particular person in this situation.'

IOW, most of the stuff people can suggest -- even what I suggested is just guesswork.

~ H
 

GQgeek

Stylish Dinosaur
Joined
Mar 4, 2002
Messages
17,933
Reaction score
84
Originally Posted by Piobaire
Why do you want to avoid it? Rebound Guy gets to have the sex she would not do with her BF and then she leaves you in two months.

because stazy is a loverboy and he says she's the hottest girl he's ever dated, so naturally he's thinking marriage already.

Anyway, i don't think there's much you can do. Definitely DON'T go professing your true love to her any time soon; keep it light. Aside from that bit of commonsense, it depends on her more than anything else and there are too many variables to go making predictions. I'd say you have a better chance of keeping her if you're well matched physically/intellectually/financially. Bottom line is don't get too attached...
 

Stazy

Distinguished Member
Joined
Sep 6, 2006
Messages
7,194
Reaction score
439
...
 

Huntsman

Distinguished Member
Joined
Jul 3, 2004
Messages
7,776
Reaction score
543
Originally Posted by Stazy
I don't really "like" dating. If I'm going to be in a relationship with someone I at least want there to be long term potential. I guess I'm old fashioned in that regard...
I feel the same. I would say that we are in the minority. It is a more difficult path to embark on a relationship in that way -- you have to keep the effects of your actions on a possible future in mind. Its much easier to be casual, and let everything fall to the will of the wisp; if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, and who cares? I can't live that way though.
Originally Posted by Stazy
Well spoken as always.
Thank you. ~ H
 

Automated Response

Senior Member
Joined
Aug 3, 2009
Messages
139
Reaction score
0
Originally Posted by Huntsman
It is a more difficult path to embark on a relationship in that way -- you have to keep the effects of your actions on a possible future in mind. Its much easier to be casual, and let everything fall to the will of the wisp; if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, and who cares? I can't live that way though.

~ H

Wow.


I may have to remember this for the rest of my life, as it encapsulates the way I feel about such things. Quoted for wisdom and truth...
 

SField

Distinguished Member
Joined
Oct 19, 2008
Messages
6,278
Reaction score
24
Originally Posted by Huntsman
I feel the same. I would say that we are in the minority. It is a more difficult path to embark on a relationship in that way -- you have to keep the effects of your actions on a possible future in mind. Its much easier to be casual, and let everything fall to the will of the wisp; if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, and who cares? I can't live that way though.

~ H


Advice I'd received at a younger age but did not really follow until much later.
 

coldnyt1

Well-Known Member
Joined
Feb 13, 2009
Messages
50
Reaction score
1
Originally Posted by Stazy
So I'm going on a date tomorrow with a girl who just got out of a 4 year relationship 1.5 months ago. My limited understanding of the situation suggests that her BF dumped her out of nowhere. She was madly in love with him.

Is there anything I can do to avoid just being the rebound guy?


just relax and be yourself... avoid any discussion about the past..... goodluck
 

Stazy

Distinguished Member
Joined
Sep 6, 2006
Messages
7,194
Reaction score
439
...
 

acecow

Distinguished Member
Joined
Dec 18, 2009
Messages
4,135
Reaction score
682
Originally Posted by Stazy
I don't really "like" dating. If I'm going to be in a relationship with someone I at least want there to be long term potential. I guess I'm old fashioned in that regard...
Don't do it. On second thought, do it.
 

Svenn

Distinguished Member
Joined
Oct 15, 2008
Messages
1,716
Reaction score
53
Originally Posted by Stazy
My limited understanding of the situation suggests that her BF dumped her out of nowhere. She was madly in love with him.

I'm assuming the basis for that last statement was what she told you? First off, she wouldn't've have told you that shit if she was concerned about your feelings, secondly the subjective experience of one partner after a breakup is probably the most inaccurate evaluation of the situation imaginable- it could very well be true she was not in love with him at all and there was long precedent to the breakup... the dumpee always was 'madly in love' with the dumper, that's how it works, but it's most likely not true.

She made you feel insecure, enough to where you posted this thread... I would do the best of your ability to remain secure in yourself, keep it light as GQgeek said, and don't allow yourself to come off as needy or weak. I might cautiously suggest, if she keeps talking this BS about her former guy, nicely break up with her over it and if she call back you know she's interested in you, if she doesn't then she showed her true colors and you were indeed just a rebound. It's a risky step but it's worked for me.
 

marg

Senior Member
Joined
Jan 10, 2011
Messages
417
Reaction score
8
Originally Posted by Svenn
She made you feel insecure, enough to where you posted this thread... I would do the best of your ability to remain secure in yourself, keep it light as GQgeek said, and don't allow yourself to come off as needy or weak.

don't let your dopey thoughts get in the way of being yourself and enjoying your time with her. you're already letting the situation mess with your head, and it hasn't even happened yet. if your balls are shrinking now, how will they perform when you need them?

you never know what the future may bring so try not to fuck yourself up over the "what ifs"
 

Featured Sponsor

What's your favorite pair of shoes to wear with jeans? (Choose two)

  • Boots (Chelsea, Chukkas, Balmorals, etc.)

  • Loafers

  • Work boots (Red Wing, Wolverine, etc.)

  • Monk strap shoes

  • Oxford / Derby shoes

  • Sneakers


Results are only viewable after voting.

Related Threads

Forum statistics

Threads
427,180
Messages
9,193,877
Members
193,090
Latest member
Christian milly

Styleforum is proudly sponsored by

Top