The parenting thread

[globetrotter]

one of my twins is very heavy, basically fat. she doesn't eat sweets, really, we don't keep candy or cookies in the house, she eats healthy, but a lot of healthy food. and, no matter what the **** you want to say about it, she puts on fat a lot easier than my other kids do.

anyway, she's also the smartest of them, and she is very very determined. I just bought her 2 biographies of teddy roosavelt, I think that I am going to make him her patron saint. for those of you who don't know, he was a sickly child and his father told him that to succeed in life he'd have to build up his body, and he become, probably, the fittest president (maybe after George Washington and Andrew Jackson). anyway, my idea is to have her read the books, then have a talk with her about how she just got the bad luck to have a body that is more prone to putting on weight, and that she will have to work the rest of her life at keeping fit, like her daddy. lets see how that goes

 

[why]

So she eats a lot but just puts on weight easier?

 

[globetrotter]

Yeah, it's not so simple. Twins, one was born 30% bigger than the other. Not just 'fat' but bigger boned, wider shoulder etc. they basically eat the same things (although the smaller eats more vegetables and carbs te bigger more protein). They both nursed the same amount of time. They've kept up the 30% difference. They eat candy at holoween and then maybe 20 or 30 times a year they'll have a lollipop or hard candy someplace. We don't keep candy in the house. We don't keep cookies or cake or chips in the house. They never have pop or cool aid or anything like that. 0% milk or water to drink.

So, yes, where the one twin will have a cup of brown rice and one all beef no fat hotdog, the other twin will have half a cup of brown rice and two all beef fat free hotdogs. But I'm not going to have my 6 year old go hungry in order to have her look thiner. If she wants two hot dogs she can eat two hot dogs. I'm approaching this from the position of limiting junk food and crap, and excersise, not causing my kids to be anorexic

 

[why]

Well, I guess it depends on what you define as 'junk food and crap'. I don't want to tell you how to raise your children (and agree with not forcing weight aesthetics on a 6 year-old), but I think it's important to consider that a lot of habits -- especially good eating habits -- are learned early. That, and whether or not you have her conform to weight standards in society doesn't have any bearing on what others (especially her peers) will do.

Also, her higher birth weight means next to nothing.

Food for thought.

 

[globetrotter]

Yes, but by pretty much every standard she has excellent eating habits- she eats mostly lean protein and raw fruit and vegetables, almost no carbs and more than half her carbs are whole grain. Almost nothing fried. No fast food. Very little ice cream or sweets. No soda. She doesn't snack in front of the tv or binge eat or anything like that. She just gets hungry and wants to eat a good solid meal, basically.

She's also pretty active, she can walk miles, she swims and plays a number of ball games.

And all of that goes for the other kids, who are thinner, too.

 

[why]

Ehhh...sounds like she's basically on a fad diet.

I don't see what's wrong with eating carbohydrates, nor why they need to be whole grain.

 

[globetrotter]

Fad diet? You did catch she's 6, right? She eats what the whole family eats.

 

[why]

Yes, I realize that. It has nothing to do with what I said though.

 

[Numbernine]



one of my twins is very heavy, basically fat. she doesn't eat sweets, really, we don't keep candy or cookies in the house, she eats healthy, but a lot of healthy food. and, no matter what the **** you want to say about it, she puts on fat a lot easier than my other kids do.

anyway, she's also the smartest of them, and she is very very determined. I just bought her 2 biographies of teddy roosavelt, I think that I am going to make him her patron saint. for those of you who don't know, he was a sickly child and his father told him that to succeed in life he'd have to build up his body, and he become, probably, the fittest president (maybe after George Washington and Andrew Jackson). anyway, my idea is to have her read the books, then have a talk with her about how she just got the bad luck to have a body that is more prone to putting on weight, and that she will have to work the rest of her life at keeping fit, like her daddy. lets see how that goes

GT I gotta tell you this is a bit strange I have almost the exact situation with my 13 yo also a twin smarter of the two . Her brother eats almost twice as much and if he has any body fat its between his ears . She and I both share this life challenge but I discovered years ago that the key for me was activity . If Im active I can literally eat whatever I like no problem . If I am inactive I get fat again
regardless . Operating from that perspective I get much better results by focusing on exercise and just eating sensibly .
Naturally I am trying to impart this wisdom but then kids are kids and things are never as easy as they might seem

 

[globetrotter]

Thanks - that was my way of looking at it, too. As long as I do hours of excersise a week, I'm a happy man and I figure the important thing is to teach her that.

 

[acidboy]

zach, does your twins have a sport? I've always tried putting acidkid #1 into sports, and I've encouraged her try out new stuff (wushu and fencing comes to mind) when she was just 5. she also had weight issues, and she certainly can pack the pounds fast (must be the wife's genes LOL). luckily the community we're in has a badminton court and an old college acquaintance who used to be part of the national team coaches kids there regularly. she got to like the sport, specially since she also got to make new friends there, and has been regularly playing for more than a year now. I'm quite surprised she can also do longer runs nowadays, and she can easily beat me in the game (although I haven't played that sport since I got married). I also had 5y.o. acidkid #2 join the program, and it certainly has helped her with focusing on what she's doing. one thing I regret looking back was not having a sport when I was a kid, and I realize growing up it does help in childhood development.

 

[lasbar]

It is the old chesnut genes v lifestyle.

My twins are quite small and thin.

They are very active and do gymnastics...

I do think genes are playing an active part in certain cases.

 

[globetrotter]



zach, does your twins have a sport? I've always tried putting acidkid #1 into sports, and I've encouraged her try out new stuff (wushu and fencing comes to mind) when she was just 5. she also had weight issues, and she certainly can pack the pounds fast (must be the wife's genes LOL). luckily the community we're in has a badminton court and an old college acquaintance who used to be part of the national team coaches kids there regularly. she got to like the sport, specially since she also got to make new friends there, and has been regularly playing for more than a year now. I'm quite surprised she can also do longer runs nowadays, and she can easily beat me in the game (although I haven't played that sport since I got married). I also had 5y.o. acidkid #2 join the program, and it certainly has helped her with focusing on what she's doing. one thing I regret looking back was not having a sport when I was a kid, and I realize growing up it does help in childhood development.

she swims like a motherfucker - she's on a team with kids 2 years older than her, and she can hold her own. I think that I will start her on judo in the fall, I have a feeling that she will be really good at it, and I will start the other twin on boxing, as she's a southpaw and I think that she would be good at it. the girls have also done 2 years of baseball and 2 of lacrosse and 3 of soccer. and a couple of years of ballet, the big one will continue with ballet now, and the little one is taking up "circus arts"

 

[lawyerdad]



they have a different name every year it seems. There are a few different kinds as well

Yeah, they start that stuff ridiculously early. Here in CA they are known as "ERBs".

Thanks. The game was Dual Master and it was some card pack that looks like a book. The "attention" issue may be related to his twin sisters who are just 2 years old. My wife and I are focusing a lot on them recently. He doesn't show it but he may be feeling jealous. He also is at an age where he is getting more independent to go out and play with his friends instead of spending his free time with us so he may have mixed feelings about that.

I completely agree with your advice to make sure he knows he isn't a bad person, just that he did a bad thing. And to ensure he knows that he is well loved. Which he certainly is.
Thanks Zack, I appreciate that as you know the little thief of which I speak.

Totally agree with everything you say...and it is a very good point about it being two separate issues, I hadn't considered that but it is very correct and I will discuss it with him using that framework. I had thought that he was understanding about the value of money but it seems I need to spend some more time to instill the concepts.
Yea...he knows he is in the **** now. I am actually out of town for a few days but I spoke to him by telephone about it last night...I haven't heard him cry like that in years. I laid on a combined guilt trip, brow-beating and outpouring of unconditional love. And I plan to do it again tonight.

Appreciate all the comments, Gents!

Tough one. Sounds like you are handling it really well, though.

Yeah, it's not so simple. Twins, one was born 30% bigger than the other. Not just 'fat' but bigger boned, wider shoulder etc. they basically eat the same things (although the smaller eats more vegetables and carbs te bigger more protein). They both nursed the same amount of time. They've kept up the 30% difference. They eat candy at holoween and then maybe 20 or 30 times a year they'll have a lollipop or hard candy someplace. We don't keep candy in the house. We don't keep cookies or cake or chips in the house. They never have pop or cool aid or anything like that. 0% milk or water to drink.

So, yes, where the one twin will have a cup of brown rice and one all beef no fat hotdog, the other twin will have half a cup of brown rice and two all beef fat free hotdogs. But I'm not going to have my 6 year old go hungry in order to have her look thiner. If she wants two hot dogs she can eat two hot dogs. I'm approaching this from the position of limiting junk food and crap, and excersise, not causing my kids to be anorexic

Ditto above. My two cents is that you have exactly the right approach trying to give the kids a grounding in healthy eating and exercise as opposed to singling out the bigger one in ways that could make her feel there is something "wrong" with her. I have seen people take the latter approach with perfectly normal (if heavyset) kids, and it pisses me off (especially because it's often just the parents projecting their own issues onto the kids.) dessert for everyone else but mot the stocky 7 year old, crap like that. If at some point when she is older she decides she wants to exercise some control over her body through healthy diet, an exercise routine, etc., she will have a good foundation for doing so.

 

[acidboy]

"CIRCUS ARTS"??