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Malcom Gladwell's new book Talking to Strangers
Malcom Gladwell's new book Talking to Strangers is a fantastic resource for this conversation. He basically says that people are really good at judging others when their intentions and their body language or appearance sync, but **** when they don't. That's why many people are so judgey at those who dress like slobs and cuss but are generally intelligent and caring people- their outward appearance and their intentional behaviour are necessarily out of synch. Bernie Madoff got away with what he did for so long because he was able to convince others that he was beyond reproach because he looked and acted the part.
It's almost impossible not to judge, but dammit we'll make the effort.
the simplest approach is to assess expectations and give the people what they expect to see
so you are a doctor— wear a white coat, etc
this is going to be a short lived thread, but thank you.
When you step out into modern society ... Whether it's a mix of aesthetics or just your general Gap kind of clothing, what do you assume about those people? That they're all criminals?
How do you look upon your own family members who are probably not wearing three-piece suits every day?
Something amusing that I learned today: it was once considered coarse to openly smile. An excerpt from Colin Jones' book "The Smile Revolution: In Eighteenth-Century Paris." Not putting it behind a quote tag because of the layout. But below is the excerpt:
If you look at 17c (English) etiquette books there are administrations to keep your mouth shut and if you smile to keep your lips together. Your first thought might be that this was when everyone was a Puritan, but this is also the century of The Cavaliers and the Court of Charles II. This may have been a do as I say but not as I do kinda thing, and perhaps people went around beaming smiles, but I doubt it.I think that statement is historically an exaggeration. It was considered impolite to have your mouth hanging open, not least because after sugar became plentiful in Europe many/most people had badly rotted teeth.
It is still, today, rude to speak with your mouth full of food or chew with your mouth open. It does not make you a criminal, just coarse (to us 'classists', that is).
If you look at 17c (English) etiquette books there are administrations to keep your mouth shut and if you smile to keep your lips together. Your first thought might be that this was when everyone was a Puritan, but this is also the century of The Cavaliers and the Court of Charles II. This may have been a do as I say but not as I do kinda thing, and perhaps people went around beaming smiles, but I doubt it.
I figured no one smiled in old-time photos because they were tired from blacksmithing or doing up all the buttons on their boots or tuberculosis.
To speak more specifically to respectability/clothing-- who (in this discussion) wouldn't find themselves making some character judgements of someone wearing a MAGA hat and a Confederate flag shirt at the coffee shop.
Certain behaviors say things like, "I live in a society and respect the strangers who may be affected by my public behavior", and certain behaviors say things like, "I don't give a **** if everyone sees me reach into my sweatpants and scratch my balls right here in the grocery store because I'm a proud male with no apparent stake in society".
I feel pretty comfortable assessing a stranger based on his/her public behavior and even clothing if I understand that they're deliberately using those things to broadcast a message.
What of contemporary American standards of etiquette do you think people will find especially quaint and senseless in like, 2070?