the biggest nerd ever needs help,, PLEASE

[rockwind1]

I joined on behalf of my 19 y/o son. fashion-wise, I'm beyond saving at this point. I'm still rocking my spandex and Teva sandals with white mid-calf socks, but that is not why I am here.

my son is, as Derek would say "ridiculously good looking". 6' 1", about 150-60 ish lbs. nice wavy hair. he has very long arms and legs. they are longer than normal but it isn't something that jumps out. it's just hard to find him pants that fit, that is for sure. he is a 31x34/36 in pants,, and those are baggy.

as a freshman, he just started at a very upscale upstate new york college. he is in the dorms. he is super shy. it's a co-ed dorm. when we moved him in, i was behind him quite a ways in the hall, and i saw some girls laughing at him behind his back. they did not see me. it was heartbreaking of course but I see their point. there is really no one in the family that can help him fashion wise. he only likes certain clothes that "feel" nice. he wears a goofy fly-fishing hat that i bought him for hiking,, and he wears transition lens glasses. he walks around in blacking north face trekking shoes and REI conversion traveling pants, (these pants have the zipper half way down the thigh to remove the lower pants and convert them to shorts (which he never does). he just likes the way they feel. he has like 3 Lululemon shirts, because he likes the way they feel.

he actually had several girls in high school that he hung out with, they drove him around, he helped them with coding. so I know girls like him. he has not made any new friends in college yet. between his weird hat, transition lens, and conversion pants as he walks cluelessly around the campus, I am beginning to worry he might be the target of meme's and ridicule,,, and he wouldn't even notice. he is a complete coding/cybersecurity computer nerd.

1. can someone help me out getting him some very nice and fashionable freshman college clothes?
2. he doesn't want contacts, are the transition lens a deal breaker in the fashion world? good alternative?
3. i dont' want to post his picture but i can if i photo shop it a little if necessary to post
4. is there anyway to get advice on clothes without having the person to look at?
5. he doesn't even like jeans but what is a good brand of comfortable jeans for skinny people?

 

[GaiusM]

Your son wears what he likes and what makes him feel comfortable, is focused on his studies and future career in coding/cybersecurity, is not caught up in materialistic vanity and does not care what others think of him - and this upsets you? Has he asked you for help with fashion? Probably not because even if - and this is a big if - others cared what random freshmen in compsci are wearing

he wouldn't even notice

Do not project your insecurities onto him. You are his father and a source of stability and support. When and if he broaches the subject guide him accordingly. Until then let him be. It sounds as though he is on the right track academically and career wise which is great for a young man his age. No need to add concerns and anxieties.

I'm beyond saving at this point. I'm still rocking my spandex and Teva sandals with white mid-calf socks

Apologies if this causes offence but you have been setting the example for your son his entire life. In regards to his character, compassion and studiousness I'm sure your lead has been stellar, something he will always be grateful for. As to style and clothing though it seems you never paid them much mind and neither does he. It is a bit late to insist on him becoming fashionable now. He may or may not come to that on his own, time will tell.

The last thing he needs is to worry about what giggling co-eds are giggling about. Who cares? The co-eds don't, they already forgot the incident. Your son will meet like-minded people, the kind worthy of caring about. Furthermore a tall, handsome, thin guy with great hair is going to get plenty of attention in a coed dorm, no matter how shy or poorly dressed.

Be there for him when he needs you, he will and he will let you know. Don't add to his worries. If he doesn't like jeans don't try to find jeans for him. Find out what he wants and help him achieve his goals. He needs that more than a hoodie.

 

[rockwind1]

Your son wears what he likes and what makes him feel comfortable, is focused on his studies and future career in coding/cybersecurity, is not caught up in materialistic vanity and does not care what others think of him - and this upsets you? Has he asked you for help with fashion? Probably not because even if - and this is a big if - others cared what random freshmen in compsci are wearing

Do not project your insecurities onto him. You are his father and a source of stability and support. When and if he broaches the subject guide him accordingly. Until then let him be. It sounds as though he is on the right track academically and career wise which is great for a young man his age. No need to add concerns and anxieties.

Apologies if this causes offence but you have been setting the example for your son his entire life. In regards to his character, compassion and studiousness I'm sure your lead has been stellar, something he will always be grateful for. As to style and clothing though it seems you never paid them much mind and neither does he. It is a bit late to insist on him becoming fashionable now. He may or may not come to that on his own, time will tell.

The last thing he needs is to worry about what giggling co-eds are giggling about. Who cares? The co-eds don't, they already forgot the incident. Your son will meet like-minded people, the kind worthy of caring about. Furthermore a tall, handsome, thin guy with great hair is going to get plenty of attention in a coed dorm, no matter how shy or poorly dressed.

Be there for him when he needs you, he will and he will let you know. Don't add to his worries. If he doesn't like jeans don't try to find jeans for him. Find out what he wants and help him achieve his goals. He needs that more than a hoodie.

i appreciate your kind words. since I am going to get him some new clothes anyway, I think that I would still like some fashion tips for him as a young freshman. he is very well grounded, and will wear just about anything i buy him, he does like the "feel" of some clothes better than others. I am sure, with some help of the fashion geniuses on this forum, I can find him some nice clothes that he likes. although I am much more fashion conscious than him, I am still way below the average fashion whisperer.

 

[double00]

you could scout some vintage , but keep in mind that sizes have inflated over the years ( a medium t shirt from the 80s is more like a small nowadays ) ... fwiw i live in a college town and vintage stuff is def socially viable and makes the co-eds go bananas .

my own kiddo is younger but we go thrifting together for clothes and i'll grab things to bank for him , it's nice to be able to keep up with his tastes and give him a push into style .

maybe plan a clothing safari with your kiddo , good bonding time .

 

[rockwind1]

you could scout some vintage , but keep in mind that sizes have inflated over the years ( a medium t shirt from the 80s is more like a small nowadays ) ... fwiw i live in a college town and vintage stuff is def socially viable and makes the co-eds go bananas .

my own kiddo is younger but we go thrifting together for clothes and i'll grab things to bank for him , it's nice to be able to keep up with his tastes and give him a push into style .

maybe plan a clothing safari with your kiddo , good bonding time .

could i get some more detailed info. what is vintage,, 70's? 80's? levi's 501's? mesh half shirts? fanny packs? are we talking miami vice style? or the mod squad?

these are mostly eastern co-eds. his college is in upstate new york, can you give me some good examples of vintage stuff to look for. what about my old calvin and hobbes t-shirt i got at the last dead concert? should he wear high top reebok sneakers? polo shirts with the collar up? i could give him my members only jacket i have somewhere still.

we live across the country from each other now, I only see him at christmas, spring break, and summer.

 

[zissou]

Considering where your son is going to college, you really can't go wrong with traditional prep style, even if it's on the casual side of things. There are a lot of brands like Uniqlo that could work for slimmer guys and it's all relatively comfortable and inexpensive. Levis makes jeans in a wide range of sizing as well.

More to the point, see if you can get him some new glasses that are not transitions. They're actually not great for your eyes anyway. Offer to buy him some new glasses and even some prescription sunglasses.

Or, yeah, just let him wear what he wants and not worry

 

[breakaway01]

I agree with much of what @GaiusM wrote. But you seem determined to buy him new clothes. I would not recommend going to vintage stores only because it sounds like you don't know what would look good on him, and neither does he. IMO it would be better to go to a retail store that has an aesthetic that your son likes, However, my experience with my own kids is that I don't bother trying to dress them; if they don't like something they won't wear it.

I think your son has to want to get new clothes -- maybe not from the angle of 'looking better', especially if he does not think that is a priority for him. He likes his Lululemon shirts because they feel nice. I think for a young tall slender man, the Lululemon aesthetic isn't bad.

 

[double00]

I agree with much of what @GaiusM wrote. But you seem determined to buy him new clothes. I would not recommend going to vintage stores only because it sounds like you don't know what would look good on him, and neither does he. IMO it would be better to go to a retail store that has an aesthetic that your son likes, However, my experience with my own kids is that I don't bother trying to dress them; if they don't like something they won't wear it.

I think your son has to want to get new clothes -- maybe not from the angle of 'looking better', especially if he does not think that is a priority for him. He likes his Lululemon shirts because they feel nice. I think for a young tall slender man, the Lululemon aesthetic isn't bad.

the kid wears flyfishing hats and outdoor gear . transitions are a 90s tech . vintage is fine .

 

[rockwind1]

I agree with much of what @GaiusM wrote. But you seem determined to buy him new clothes. I would not recommend going to vintage stores only because it sounds like you don't know what would look good on him, and neither does he. IMO it would be better to go to a retail store that has an aesthetic that your son likes, However, my experience with my own kids is that I don't bother trying to dress them; if they don't like something they won't wear it.

I think your son has to want to get new clothes -- maybe not from the angle of 'looking better', especially if he does not think that is a priority for him. He likes his Lululemon shirts because they feel nice. I think for a young tall slender man, the Lululemon aesthetic isn't bad.

it's not so much i am determined,,it's just time for some new clothes. he has been wearing the same lulu lemon shirts for years! we bought him a few new things for college but he wanted the Kuhl pants. with my son, it is a buy it and try it experiment every time. this is the hat he wears around campus. the hat actually attaches under his chin.

 

[rockwind1]

the kid wears flyfishing hats and outdoor gear . transitions are a 90s tech . vintage is fine .

but he is not outdoorsy,, at all. he likes the smooth feel.

 

[VedicResearcher]

Considering where your son is going to college, you really can't go wrong with traditional prep style, even if it's on the casual side of things. There are a lot of brands like Uniqlo that could work for slimmer guys and it's all relatively comfortable and inexpensive. Levis makes jeans in a wide range of sizing as well.

More to the point, see if you can get him some new glasses that are not transitions. They're actually not great for your eyes anyway. Offer to buy him some new glasses and even some prescription sunglasses.

Or, yeah, just let him wear what he wants and not worry

To your point of transitions not being good for your eyes, there’s no literature to suggest that. It’s annoying in the cold or in a car (because they don’t transition all the way). However, there are many benefits to transitions.

Especially with respect to blue light.

Sunglasses With Transition Lenses: Pros and Cons

Glasses with photochromic lenses automatically darken in bright sunlight and return to a regular tint in normal environments. Light-adaptive lenses are convenient because they can be worn both indoors

www.aao.org

 

[rockwind1]

To your point of transitions not being good for your eyes, there’s no literature to suggest that. It’s annoying in the cold or in a car (because they don’t transition all the way). However, there are many benefits to transitions.

Especially with respect to blue light.

Sunglasses With Transition Lenses: Pros and Cons

Glasses with photochromic lenses automatically darken in bright sunlight and return to a regular tint in normal environments. Light-adaptive lenses are convenient because they can be worn both indoors

www.aao.org

I think they are ok for eyes, I think they are negatively looked at from a fashion stand point.