Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by amathew, May 13, 2012.
I like this humblebrag.
your church should have a bible study or small group aimed for college graduated younger adults. attend it.
as a (as it turns out) mildly autistic awkward asian i had to teach myself a lot of the following. i still kinda suck at it cuz i naturally tend to be reserved, but i find once i put myself out there that can be enjoyable too.
This is very long. Not kidding.
i said this in the manton thread but your general philosophy should be two steps forward one step back. make a joke or two and then turn to a little more serious conversation. kino lightly once or twice and then back off for awhile. talk about yourself for awhile and then ask them questions. then rinse and repeat.
your mindset should be come at me bro. just enjoy the mistakes you're to make and the challenges you're going to face.
also smile a lot. it puts people at ease. if you dont smile people eventually tend to think you're being mean or you're upset at something.
components of your potential interaction with other people:
1. observational opening
approach people with a simple opener like "hey, how's it going" or "hi how're you doing?" or even something slightly embarrassing like "can i join you guys?". most people respond nicely.
follow up with an observational comment something like "i really like your dress" or "hey i like that band too" or "i liked what the speaker or pastor said about xxx"
with a comment what you're expecting is that somebody will reciprocate in the conversation. if they do then great. continue conversing. if it segues into different topics great.
if not or if it stagnates follow it up with a question.
a question would be like "where is your dress from" or "which albums are your favorite" or "what did you think when the pastor said xxx?" or even directly into "where you from?"
most reciprocate at this point and start telling you about themselves which is great cuz you dont have to talk much. if they just ignore you or don't seem engaged in the conversation say something pleasant like "well it was nice talking to you. see you around" and move on to a different person or a group of people. or just address the other people in the group.
one key point is to engage people only when there's a lull or a silence. otherwise you'll get ignored. you have to time things right.
another key point is to remain upbeat and pretend like you've always been friends. if there's an aloof douchehole in the group or if the person you engaged is one then remain upbeat but call them out with something like "you feeling ok? you've been really quiet." if there's an aggressive douchehole call them out on their behavior with something like simple sarcasm "that's very nice of you".
a simple observational opener followed brief pleasantries followed by it was good talking to you will open doors for you later in the same event.
maintain a flippant attitude but dont continually joke all the time. if you think of something witty just go for it. if it blows up whatever. you learn from mistakes. laugh and move on. if not great.
the easiest type of humor is to exaggerate a situation or comment or event and just run with it ie play out the consequences of the hyperbole. the more absurd the situation or comment the better. i'm sure you've done this before or at least have seen it done many times.
tease people. easiest way to tease people is to call them out on shit. if somebody says something like "i hate ice cream" then call them out with an analogy like "that's like hating on beagle puppies and sunshine" or an absurd consequence like "somewhere a kitten just drowned".
3. conversational topics
somebody earlier mentioned the who, what, when, where, whys. those are good. the easiest most natural topic you can segue into if the conversation is stalling is where are you from? you get to talk about language, culture, traveling, and it naturally leads to a ton of segues.
make sure you're not constantly hounding the conversation. ask people about themselves, get them to talk, so you dont have to.
i'm sure you have a ton of embarrassing or awkward stories. use them as self deprecating humor any time the conversation goes near a memory and laugh about it. what might be awkward or embarrassing to you generally is funny to other people. the more embarrassing it is the funnier it is.
otherwise tell stories about things you like. things that add value to you (make you look "cool") are great too. just dont hype it up so much it becomes awkward. if you do the value stories well people will try to one up you. like if you tell them a story about your travels in france or the best meal you had at a 3 michelin star restaurant they'll try and talk about their vacation in mexico or whatever.
make sure you tell stories with a point or strong ending. a punchline is great but not necessary. don't tell discombobulated stories like edinatlanta. those are generally terrible (sup).
fuck me sideways for using pua speak, but constantly physically touch people. the easiest most natural way to do this is a high five. when you say hey how's it going open with a high five. people open up to you better. if you find something in common with another person high five. if the other person tells you a story that adds value to them high five. when you're in command and the group is getting more intimate you can even tell people to give others high fives like "that deserves a high five. *point* give her one."
other easy gestures are sympathetic pats on the back, little body bumps (like hey how's it going *bump to make sure they know you're talking to them), foot taps, handshakes, light touches to the elbow as you and the other person laughs
some other ones that require a little intimacy and connection are touches to the knee, hands, and hugs. the first two are for when you're sitting.
fuu there's so much stuff you can do with just kino. like when you're flirting you can play with the girl's fingers bit by bit. you can also test how much intimacy has progressed by kino or even the threat of kino. if they're ok with you playing with their fingers and even reciprocate you're good. if they pull their hand away or continually give your hands the evil eye you're not. or even sitting closer to people. if they're comfortable they wont mind at all. if not it'll be kind of obvious (fidgety, looking away, body turned away). they might even move away or find an excuse to leave. you can also test people by leading them around by grabbing their hands or gently pushing on their lower back. if they grab back or if they dont mind you're good. if they pull away or have limp hands not so good. one last test is if you leave them and tell them you'll be back (eg bathroom) and they're still there waiting for you you're good. if they're uncomfortable with the situation they'll leave or find a friend.
hand them your phone. ask for their phone. exchange contact. make concrete plans if you think you're pretty intimate. like bowling on saturday. or group dinner on friday at this new restaurant you really like. if it didn't go so well make vague plans and then follow up later by a text or gchat or something.
if you feel like you really hit it off switch locations right then (there's this great bar i like or want to play some boardgames or want to play COD or dance central)
you just need to practice. the more you do it the more you know what goes right what goes wrong and over time it'll be intuitive.
Eh, even if he's not about sex only. Don't go pick up some girl that you're totally turned off by, but some virgins have crazy wacked out standards from porn or TV or whatever. Most guys aren't going to land a 10, much less a 10 with a decent personality, education, and career. That does double for semi-desperate virgins. You gotta start somewhere or you'll be the 40 year old virgin and then none of the women your age will be 10s.
but but that wasn't my intention
I see I see, well I am not expecting a ten but...damn.....my list is quite long lol....but it's not based on looks.
OP, if you pay me money to life coach you, I will get you laid, like a lot. I'm serious. PM me.
I'll do the same for beer money. You'll probably get laid. However, I do guarantee that I will lmao at least once.
LMAOs are the sweet nectar of life.
I'll sponsor this arrangement, as long as you agree to stream it live.
Can't wait to read the OP's next thread a year from now entitled "The 27 Year Old Virgin".
I agree with all this but I would also advise OP to keep an open mind with regards to dating, don't make a girl out to be your girlfriend just because you've been on a few dates, slept with her, whatever. If you've never had a girlfriend or even dated you don't know what qualities you like in a woman, so dating a few different girls before having any thoughts of an exclusive relationship might be a good idea.
I say that but my brother was a 23 year old virgin who never had a girlfriend or any friends, then met a girl on some anime forum, met in her in person a few times, then quit his job and moved 2500 miles away to live with her. After some tough times he found a good job, married her, and two years later they have a house and will probably be having children sooner or later. He is a lot like you except he didn't work out and he didn't graduate college. Life is crazy like that.
I also think that bars are typically shit places to find anything other than a quick fuck; they are shit places to find real friends too - unless you are there to meet friends' friends. I used to have so many bar friends, I used to only date from bars for the most part, and I realized its shit in so many ways - I was building relationships through the euphoria of booze - and one day I realized I hated all of them. After six months I rarely hear from any of them anymore.
Why I'm a stating all this? The opposite of your situation has the ability to bring you down too; I wouldn't try to completely change yourself, as you may hate that person more than you want to change right now. I would argue that at 26 you are who you are, so may as well find somebody who accepts that, there are so many chicks out in the world - there is someone out there for you.
Well looks like I'm not missing much
This literally made me LOL.
Lower your standards. For real. Just spend time with a women, any women, it will do you a world of good.
you came to the right place
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