The 27 Year Old Virgin

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by amathew, May 13, 2012.

  1. LA Guy

    LA Guy Opposite Santa Staff Member Admin Moderator

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    Okay, I should add a 4th guideline:

    4) Be happy. Not crazy, insane, Peewee Herman style. Just happy with life. Woman are drawn to guys who have an inner shit eating grin, less so to mopeyness, movies aside.
     
  2. Gingahbman

    Gingahbman Senior member

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    Just a quick observation, but you seem very rigid (I could be completely wrong, just making an educated guess). Force yourself to go out to new places. It doesn't matter the location, but you definitely need to get out of your comfort zone. It's a big world and you never know who you will bump into out there. Make living a more enjoyable life be the objective, not women. Women will fall into place when the time is right. You can't expect to flip the switch overnight. It's going to take awhile.

    Also, not drinking or smoking shouldn't prevent you from doing anything. Don't go to a club/bar if you feel like they suck, but don't avoid them because you don't drink or do drugs. I've gone to bars sober plenty of times. Sometimes they can be fun.

    Just to reiterate, there is no quick solution to your dilemma, but before you say nothing works, ask yourself, "Have I really tried everything I can to make a change?"

    After a week, I'm guessing no.

    Good luck, good sir.
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2012
  3. scarphe

    scarphe Senior member

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    Ok this is said with all possible respect. that list of hobbies limits your chance of meeting women the cooking thing maybe your only change by doign what was already said cooking classes. but maybe you should try dance clubs meaning salsa waltz etc i do not think one is obligated to drink.
    somehting more important you have to lose the creep vibe that you describe for any of this to work. I think I understand what you mean by it you look and women and almost covet them. now that is normalize your sit with women, by putting yourself in situations in which you must talk to women there should be church orgs for people your age
     
  4. KingJulien

    KingJulien Senior member

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    I think by looking for women you're like three or four steps ahead of yourself. As people have said, you should probably focus on widening your circle of friends first. You can do this through interests you already have, or get some new ones - overall you'll be a whole lot happier even if it doesn't work out. Buy a camera and get into photography, take a class in something, whatever you're into.

    And yeah, making a new circle of friends is a pain in the ass once you're out of college.

    And if somebody invites you to a bar to hang out, for fucks sake go. Nobody is going to make you have a drink, just get a coke or whatever.
     
  5. amathew

    amathew Senior member

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    As a side note, I have decided to start drinking again. Moderation will be key, but I'm so tempted by sweet wines and whisky + coke (and rum+coke/sprite). The temptation is too great.
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2012
  6. Biscotti

    Biscotti Senior member

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    Serious question: Do you have friends? Honestly feel that this is so important to have a good network of people before you try getting a relationship or anything like that.... A good network of good people will keep you sane and will giv eyou people to bitch at when shit turns shour.

    Find some good unshaven church girl to fuck alot so you learn how to fuck and whatnot, then you can roll into those bars lik a true stud or somethign like that

    I am a bit drunk.

    Find hobbies that hav communities and shit... my hobbies cycling and motorcyling.... great people. I don't think there are reason to be friends with others without a common bond.
     
  7. amathew

    amathew Senior member

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    I seriously don't have any friends. I get along with people, just not the outgoing type I guess.
     
  8. imatlas

    imatlas Senior member

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    Is this your secret?



    This last is a major problem, but is not insurmountable. You can train yourself to be more outgoing, it just takes practice. Set yourself a modest goal, such as, I will strike up one conversation with a total stranger today. it could be as simple as greeting someone on the elevator with a smile and a "Hi, how's your day going?" Do this frequently and you will start to feel more comfortable with meeting new people, making small talk, etc.

    There are many self help books to help people learn to be outgoing, but one of the best is the classic, "How to Win Friends and Influence People." It sounds creepier than it is! It's intended to help people learn to sell, but it's equally good for learning to confidently interact with people.
     
  9. Piobaire

    Piobaire Not left of center?

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    Don't you have powerlifting friends? Serious ironheads always seem full of instant bonding.
     
  10. amathew

    amathew Senior member

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    No, I'm really not a serious ironheads. I just like lifting and competed in two small competitions to date.
     
  11. Piobaire

    Piobaire Not left of center?

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    So was anything accurate in your list of hobbies and interests? I mean, you were straight X...but not really straight X...you were a powerlifter...but not really one...

    Maybe this is part of the problem? You have no defining characteristics. Women like passion in a man. Passion is interesting and interesting attracts women (and friends in general.)
     
  12. habitant

    habitant Senior member

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    read that dale carnagie book.
     
  13. texas_jack

    texas_jack Senior member

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    Now that I see you have no friends, I'm going to suggest meetup.com again. It will get you out of the house with other people who are looking for friends. It's a good start and you need a start.
     
  14. deadly7

    deadly7 Senior member

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    +1. something like this is exactly what the OP should do. It takes the stress out of planning events - "who to invite, where to go" and all you do is pay some cash, show up, and talk to people. Baby steps.

    edit: i was thinking of something else, but meetup.com is pretty similar. just another venue to meet people with at least some level of common interest.
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2012
  15. Superfluous Man

    Superfluous Man Senior member

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    These, so much. You're way, way, way more likely to not only meet women but meet relationship quality women through a social circle.

    I typically pregame before going out to the bar so when I get there I'll just drink ice water with a lemon twist. Nobody says shit to me and if they do, fuck them anyhow. If you want, you can order something called a Horses Neck - it's ginger ale with a lemon or orange peel. Looks like booze but it's not.

    I just Googled Denver Meet-Up's which are relevant to you. Pick a couple and RSVP, and GO TO THEM. DO NOT LET YOURSELF MAKE EXCUSES AS TO WHY YOU CAN'T GO. I've dealt with social anxiety in the past and when people invited me places I'd decide at the last minute that I needed to do this or that; never give in to that urge.

    After you've RSVP'ed to a couple of events, learn how to interact with people by going to this site. Read it, learn it, live it. Obviously you can't just break a conversation into easy steps like the site lays out for you, but you just go with the flow and remember the guidelines and from there it's all about listening to what the person has to say, making observations or anecdotes or sharing a personal story that may be relevant in some way. You're gonna do stupid things and you might think you've made a fool of yourself but people don't care too much so don't feel like they're going to tar and feather you for saying or doing something goofy. You're 26, new to the area, a statistician who works here (insert company name) who went to school here (insert school name). When asked what you do in your free time, you don't have much because being a statistician is a bitch but you like working out and you've been trying to learn to cook -- you've got things to help you establish commonalities with others. I said cooking because you're a homebody right now and you need an excuse as to why you're a hermit, so you're going to take up cooking (you hear me? take up cooking!) and learn a few basic dishes which can be whipped up quickly. You're Indian, can you cook Indian food? If not, learn some dishes. Indian is a great ethnic food to learn. That's one more thing you can add to your bag of conversation tricks. If it's clear that someone is fashion forward or is atleast wearing a piece that's obviously designer, that's about as easy of an ice breaker/conversation starter as you're gonna get with women-- "How's it going? My name is (name), who are you? Nice to meet you (name). I really like (that shirt, those shoes), who made it/them?" The list of conversation starters goes on and on, and once you do it a time or two it becomes second nature.

    Hopefully that wasn't too much crap thrown at you at once!
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2012

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