1. And... we're back. You'll notice that all of your images are back as well, as are our beloved emoticons, including the infamous :foo: We have also worked with our server folks and developers to fix the issues that were slowing down the site.

    There is still work to be done - the images in existing sigs are not yet linked, for example, and we are working on a way to get the images to load faster - which will improve the performance of the site, especially on the pages with a ton of images, and we will continue to work diligently on that and keep you updated.

    Cheers,

    Fok on behalf of the entire Styleforum team
    Dismiss Notice

The 27 Year Old Virgin

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by amathew, May 13, 2012.

  1. GreenFrog

    GreenFrog Senior member

    Messages:
    14,235
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2008
    Like I said.. he needs to do his own thing until shit hits the fan somehow and he realizes he HAS to change.

    That major point of realization could come in 3 weeks/months/years.. whenever. It seems like for the most part, his life is 'stable' right now, it's just that he's lacking some social relationships and the spice of life. But I wouldn't be surprised to see that he's actually comfortable right now. This is why he doesn't seek out that change, because it's not really all that painful for him.

    He'll know when it's time to sack the fuck up and do something.
     
  2. manchambo

    manchambo Senior member

    Messages:
    208
    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2012
    I can understand not being into a strict arranged marriage but I would want to know the details of how it would work. I am surprised at the level of distate, however, and I'm beginning to wonder if the op actually likes women. I don't mean that in a snarky, maybe he's gay way. I just haven't seen any indication here that the op has any sort of affinity, much less affection, for the opposite sex (or anyone else for that matter). At best I'm detecting indifference, at worst misogyny.
     
  3. Krish the Fish

    Krish the Fish Senior member

    Messages:
    3,058
    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2009
    I don't know how it works now, but my parents are Indian, like they were born and raised and married there before they came to the US, and they had an arranged marriage. Had kids late, so maybe it isn't the "typical" example, but after 30+ years though they seem like every other married couple. I think they were married for like 10 or so years before I was born (I'm the younger child, my older sibling is 21 months older than me), but always seemed like a normal relationship to me.

    I bet it's pretty awkward at first though; imagine living with someone you barely know for conceivably the rest of your life. Not just from a sexual matter, but like it's basically living with a stranger before you actually get to know them, which will take years like any other relationship. Seems logistically strange to be sharing a checking account (and a mortgage) with someone you met months before.
     
  4. impolyt_one

    impolyt_one Senior member

    Messages:
    14,457
    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2006
    Location:
    The Temple of Jawnz
    

    Here's the sick thing: I bet a girl from India who shows up for an arranged marriage (to an Indian-American) would be really high quality, all things in spades, probably leagues above any woman amathew could meet in America and have a chance to talk to. That's how those things tend to work tbh. She'd forgive amathew a lot of the small shortcomings while being more than he could ever ask for if he ever did get off his ass and try to play the dating game in America. It's a pretty good idea, but the problem is, amathew isn't ready for marriage. You can't just get mail order girlfriends either, so that's not gonna work out....
     
    1 person likes this.
  5. Master-Classter

    Master-Classter Senior member

    Messages:
    8,463
    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2007
    Location:
    Toronto, Canada
    jeebus I just read this ENTIRE thread...

    I don't even know what to say here. OP, it sounds like there is a lot of advice being given and you're always coming up with reasons why it isn't good. Assuming you're not trolling, something about your mental/emotional process is off IMO. I'll offer some advice but I suspect it's not going to stick unfortunately, and that in and of itself is a point you should really be looking at. Why is it that a lot of people have offered you a range of ideas and none of it has seemed to make any difference to the way you understand your situation or caused you to take action?

    my 2 cents... yes, do actually read the Game or look into some PUA stuff. I don't mean wear a pink hat and go crazy but for people with low social competence, this stuff is really helpful and every time I've even just skimmed some of that stuff it's really helped me to just start talking to people (not just women) and have a couple of ideas of things to say or do or know if I'm on the right track etc.

    the other big thing I'd suggest is forget about getting laid for now. It's like step 10 and you're not at step 2. Start by becoming someone people are going to want to hang out with. Go do social activities and build a friend network, particularly with guys. Being around socially competent guys will help buffer your incompetence as if they accept you/back you then you can be a little bad and they'll cover for you since you'll be in the overall positive flow forward they're creating. I've found that being around guys who know what they're doing, whether natural or learned (ie PUA), you'll just naturally start to see what DOES work instead of trying to figure it out yourself and continually messing up. Be around competent people and it'll both rub off on you and you'll also just get the halo effect benefits.

    The other thing is to stop talking to women with the purpose in mind of building some intimate relationship with them. Start talking to people for the hell of it, start conversations that you know aren't going anywhere and even intentionally cut them off and walk away knowing you could have taken it somewhere. There's too much pressure to try and talk to someone and then try make her your girlfriend or have sex with her. Talk to a girl because it's fun and don't have any intention of it going anywhere. Set yourself random goals like buying her a drink, or dancing with her or just talking to a pretty girl because you want to, etc. Come home from a gathering happy that you gave her a high five and a wink when you said good night instead of disappointed that you didn't bring her home and have sex with her.
     
    4 people like this.
  6. Gibonius

    Gibonius Senior member

    Messages:
    11,110
    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2009
    Location:
    Suburban Sprawl Sector 3, Maryland
    
    I think it's more a judgement on what he thinks about Indian culture than a judgement on women.

    There's a strand of that independent of the arranged marriage thing. I think it's a defense mechanism.
     
  7. deadly7

    deadly7 Senior member

    Messages:
    3,145
    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2010
    

    I agree that change is only going to happen when he sacks up. I think where we're at discords is that this thread seemed to be him sacking up, at least when he started it. It takes a lot of balls to admit to yourself "I'm a virgin at 27 and have no idea how the fuck to talk to people, let alone women." Of course, it quickly fell to shit afterwards. So commitment to his pursuit of wanting relationships is what he's missing, and unfortunately that's nothing ANY of us can help him with. All we can do is, once he's committed, give him advice on what to do.
     
  8. elfrank

    elfrank New Member

    Messages:
    3
    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2012
    This * 1000. Come on, OP. Man the fuck up.
     
  9. Neo_Version 7

    Neo_Version 7 Senior member

    Messages:
    19,625
    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2007
    It's become increasingly clear to me that Amathew is saving himself for Blake Lively. It's the only logical assumption at this point.
     
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2012
  10. CalTex

    CalTex Senior member

    Messages:
    4,199
    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2011
    Location:
    Liquidating Assets
    OP, I'll give you the STD.
     
  11. Matt

    Matt Senior member

    Messages:
    11,179
    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2005
    Location:
    Sunny Saigon
    
    I agree with pretty much everything you just said, but it was a spectacular waste of keystrokes. He's not listening. He just wants advice he can say "isn't suitable in his case" so that he can justify the situation to himself on the grounds that at least he sought advice. Or he's trolling (pretty well).
     
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2012
    1 person likes this.
  12. hoozah

    hoozah Senior member

    Messages:
    2,936
    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2010
    
    Jesus, you read all 40 pages THEN wrote this? I couldn't even finish reading this without watching a episode of the trailer park boys on youtube.
     
  13. SkinnyGoomba

    SkinnyGoomba Senior member

    Messages:
    12,590
    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2008
    Location:
    Princeton, NJ
    Go for the arranged marriage.
     
  14. Master-Classter

    Master-Classter Senior member

    Messages:
    8,463
    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2007
    Location:
    Toronto, Canada
    on my computer is was only 10 pages... and I've got time on my hands.

    actually I don't expect much from the OP, I wrote a comment for the sake of future members who might stumble upon this thread and actually find some of it useful.
     
  15. LonerMatt

    LonerMatt Senior member

    Messages:
    2,312
    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2012
    Location:
    Melbourne, Australia
    This thread is fucking quality. Impolyt one was quality the entire time and I'm consdering hiring him as life coach.

    Anyone berating people for being frustrated at someone who wants change without changing is a little silly.
     
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2012
    1 person likes this.
  16. CalTex

    CalTex Senior member

    Messages:
    4,199
    Joined:
    Feb 5, 2011
    Location:
    Liquidating Assets
    

    +1
     
  17. LooksGood

    LooksGood Senior member

    Messages:
    189
    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2012
    Location:
    The Yay Area
    I didn't read this whole thread, it's long as hell. It's been a year now, is he still a virgin?
     
  18. legorogel

    legorogel Senior member

    Messages:
    425
    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2010
  19. LooksGood

    LooksGood Senior member

    Messages:
    189
    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2012
    Location:
    The Yay Area
    If he is desperate, why not just go to some clubs and ask 10 women for their numbers?
     
  20. elfrank

    elfrank New Member

    Messages:
    3
    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2012
    Because he cannot talk to women, and he refuses to go out there and do anything about it. He is quite the keyboard warrior though.
     

Share This Page

Styleforum is proudly sponsored by