1. And... we're back. You'll notice that all of your images are back as well, as are our beloved emoticons, including the infamous :foo: We have also worked with our server folks and developers to fix the issues that were slowing down the site.

    There is still work to be done - the images in existing sigs are not yet linked, for example, and we are working on a way to get the images to load faster - which will improve the performance of the site, especially on the pages with a ton of images, and we will continue to work diligently on that and keep you updated.

    Cheers,

    Fok on behalf of the entire Styleforum team
    Dismiss Notice

The 27 Year Old Virgin

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by amathew, May 13, 2012.

  1. amathew

    amathew Senior member

    Messages:
    1,519
    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2011
    Location:
    KS => CO => MN => CA
    Hey folks, I am new to the forum. I am 26 years old Indian American male who recently finished grad school, started a job as a statistician at a start-up, and got interested in fashion. I have never dated in my life. never kissed a girl. and never asked someone of their opposite sex for their number. I wouldn't say that I'm socially inept since I am capable of interacting with people, it's just that I don't attract women. On several occasions, I've heard women say that I was unattractive and have been called a creeper. Over the past few weeks, I've been feeling really lonely and want to change. It's not that I want to have random sex with lots of women, I just want to meet a few good women and do a little dating. Can anyone provide some suggestions?

    Things I've changed over the past few months =
    - Updated my wardrobe.

    Things I need to work on =
    - I need to not look angry all the time
    - I need to start hanging out at places where I can meet women. These days, my day consists of waking up at 4am, hitting the gym, going to work, going home and doing various things at home. I work with almost all men and just don't have any "normal" situations during the day where I interact with women.
    - I need to work on self confidence. I used to be obese and have the same self image I did then even though I now have an athletic physique.

    So if you have any suggestions or helpful advice, let me know?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 2, 2012
  2. Harbin

    Harbin Senior member

    Messages:
    1,328
    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2010
    We could get started with some pics
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. erictheobscure

    erictheobscure Senior member

    Messages:
    5,291
    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2008
  4. Superfluous Man

    Superfluous Man Senior member

    Messages:
    515
    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2010
    He's got a handful of photos in his profile, nothing too grotesque but being of Indian ethnicity makes thing a little more difficult in my opinion. Being labeled a creeper is a personality trait, not an appearance trait in a lot of cases. so you can work on that. Wardrobe isn't that important -- there are clowns who wear Ed Hardy or whatever they bought at Kohls yet get laid every night of the week, so find something that you like and are comfortable in and don't sweat it too much. You need a social network before you can start thinking about relationships of any sort with women. The problem is it's really, really tough to develop a social network out of college.
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2012
    1 person likes this.
  5. LA Guy

    LA Guy Opposite Santa Staff Member Admin Moderator

    Messages:
    33,468
    Joined:
    Mar 8, 2002
    Location:
    Moscow, Idaho
    Geez, are we doing this again? Most honest advice that I can give:

    1) Close your eyes, think of what the coolest you would be like, and be that person.
    2) Learn how to read body language and also how to project positive body language.
    3) Don't be a pussy. If you are attracted to someone, just go and talk to them.
     
    10 people like this.
  6. habitant

    habitant Senior member

    Messages:
    2,048
    Joined:
    Aug 27, 2010
    Words to live by.
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2012
  7. bringusingoodale

    bringusingoodale Senior member

    Messages:
    1,491
    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2010
    Location:
    Disputed Zone
    it's a numbers game (something you should know about as a statistician). You see all those regular guys with eye candy on their arms, well, they probably got rejected and went through the mud with at least 33 women, isn't 33 or 30 or something like that some significant number if I remember my elementary stat class from a long time ago, something about at that sample number you can see the things falling into their statisctical place in bell curve, standard dev...


    Also, don't let the things you want get make you forget the things you have:

    You are young, have higher education and a job in your related field of education (or close to it I am assuming, in other words, you aren't waiting tables with an art degree or some such).

    You might not realize this from seeing one too many frat boy movies and romantic comedies, but women your age and up really, really dig guys with good jobs who are smart and responsible.

    As for dressing well, just lurk the forum, especially the threads on casual clothing.
     
    1 person likes this.
  8. matty long legs

    matty long legs Senior member

    Messages:
    1,280
    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2011
    

    +1, especially to #3. Just walk up say hi my name is ____. What's yours? Start with the 5 Fs: friends, family, favorites, where they're from, firsts? If you feel she isn't into you wish her a goodnight and walk on.

    You're here on SF and learning about quality and fit, so that's a good start. It's amazing how many girls you meet like and appreciate a man who dresses well.

    Lastly, don't force the kiss or losing your virginity. It's quality over quantity, unless you can manage a large quantity of quality.
     
    2 people like this.
  9. Gingahbman

    Gingahbman Senior member

    Messages:
    506
    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2009
    Location:
    Below the Heavens
    Life's too short to worry about these things. I know it's lame, but just be yourself. However, that doesn't mean leave things at status quo. Truly be yourself. It's a lot harder to do than it may seem. If you feel like dancing, dance! If you feel like talking to a girl, talk to her! And most importantly, realize there is a lot more to life. Be a lover of life and eventually the other pieces will fall into place as well. You sound like a good person with a good head on your shoulders, so I'm sure someone will notice these gem qualities before you know it. However, project how you feel inside to the rest of the world, it's only fair. It sounds like you want love, not lust, so that's what I would do... otherwise, you'll just attract the wrong crowd.

    However, good grooming, a positive attitude, and having a 8 inch cock never hurt.

    Shrug off the haters and live long and prosper my friend.
     
  10. Superfluous Man

    Superfluous Man Senior member

    Messages:
    515
    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2010
    

    Life is too short to not worry about these things. He is desiring relationships, love, social interaction, things which most people would agree are essential to a happy existence. The longer he goes without them the lower his confidence will be and the harder it will be to attain those things.

    Platitudes like "don't be a pussy" and "just talk to them" are good in theory but hard to apply in real time. "Just talk to her" when he doesn't know how to carry a conversation won't get him anywhere. He's a long way from that point, anyhow. Once a female prospect finds out he does nothing with his life but gym/work/home and has no friends (assuming he has no/few friends whom he sees with any regularity) she probably won't stick around. Social network -> -> -> women.
     
    1 person likes this.
  11. cptjeff

    cptjeff Senior member

    Messages:
    4,642
    Joined:
    Jan 19, 2010
    Location:
    DCish
    

    Actually, I might recommend this. The first time is rarely magical. True, you can only do it once, but at this point, just get it over with. Have one somewhat awkward relationship behind you, but have something to build on. Give yourself a little self confidence.
     
  12. Pennglock

    Pennglock Senior member

    Messages:
    3,244
    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2006
    ^Totally agree with Ginga. The older I get the more I realize that Louis CK speaks the truth--and he's talking to you right here. Who is the hot girl at the bar and what kind of person is that??

    [VIDEO][/VIDEO]



    The only way to go through life is to be completely, painfully honest about who you are and what you're feeling. Your personality is fully formed at 26, and isnt going to change, and trying to adopt some persona/game/pretence is just going to exhaust you and in the end you'll end up with a girl who is completely wrong.


    Your long-term plan ought to be to widen your circle of friends and acquaintences--that's ultimately how you meet quality girls unless you get really lucky some other way. Arent there some clubs/organizations in your area that Indians gravitate to? That seems like the obvious place to start.

    In the meantime, why not try out the online dating sites? You might not find your soul-mate, but you'll get some practice projecting the best you to the opposite sex.

    In general, just try to stay busy doing something outside your home most nights of the week and good things will follow.
     
  13. Pennglock

    Pennglock Senior member

    Messages:
    3,244
    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2006
    ^I should also note that jewish girls really are awesome.
     
    1 person likes this.
  14. sprout2

    sprout2 Senior member

    Messages:
    3,242
    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2012
    Location:
    Mom's basement
    This is neat, it's pure Archibald Leach to Cary Grant metamorphosis style. Very good.
     
  15. violethour1951

    violethour1951 Senior member

    Messages:
    648
    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2012
    Location:
    USA
    +1. On top of that, Israeli women are unbelievably gorgeous
     
  16. scarphe

    scarphe Senior member

    Messages:
    5,115
    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2007
    

    this or start the dating or trying to date, but in the mean while get a hooker, this is going to sound douche but something is weird about a virgin at that age, that is probably why you are giving off the creeper vibe.
     
  17. 1234

    1234 Senior member

    Messages:
    376
    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2012
    I know our society tends to glorify sex and crucify anyone who chooses to abstain from or has not yet had it, but you can't let that bother you. Saying you want to meet a women because your lonely is one thing. Just wanting to get laid is another. If you don't just want sex why include the fact that your a virgin in the thread title. Why does that mean anything? Who gives a damn if your a virgin? Do you think losing your virginity will quench your thirst for companionship? It won't..... I'm a virgin as well and am choosing to remain one until I tie the knot. I'm sure that will get alot of laughs, but I could care less. Don't worry about social norms or expectations. Live free from all that. It makes life so much more enjoyable.

    On another note I can relate to you a lot. Especially with the confidence and "looking angry" bit. I was very overweight when I was young, and like you, ended up getting in shape. My confidence did not follow suit however and I became incredibly uneasy around anyone. I was a complete hermit during my high school years. Too be honest I still struggle with it at times, but not nearly as bad as I used too. The only way to get over it is to force yourself into uncomfortable situations. Act like an idiot, do stupid shit, loosen up... I forced myself to take a drama class at school, fell in love with it, and now I am pursuing an acting career. That did it for me. Changed my life.

    The looking angry bit is tough. I would always have people give me shit over looking like I wanted to kill myself or someone else 24/7. I still hear it quite a bit lol. I always thought it was my personality, in which case that's fine. I came to realize though it was just a defense mechanism I had created. It kept people away from me and made me feel safe (not having to talk to anyone). Once I got over my social fears and confidence issues, that seemed to resolve itself.

    Just some thoughts. Hopefully some of it helps.
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2012
  18. Trompe le Monde

    Trompe le Monde Senior member

    Messages:
    2,004
    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2009
  19. amathew

    amathew Senior member

    Messages:
    1,519
    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2011
    Location:
    KS => CO => MN => CA
    I guess I should clarify and/or respond to some of the posts
    It's odd, but I've found being Indian not that big of a hindrance. Because most American think of Indians as either nerdy doctors or convenience store owners, anyone who doesn't fit that stereotype seems to be intriguing to women. Plus, I'm in an area with few indians, so some women might be interested when they see someone who isn't a non-stereotypical indian.

    Tell me about it. I graduated college and moved to another city (denver). It's tough. It doesn't help that I work at a tech company with almost all nerdy guys.



    I've tried online dating and found that most of the women on the free dating sites like POF and OKC were crazy. I didn't get many responses when I messaged women, but the ones I talked to weren't all that great. I've heard that paid sites are better, but I really don't want to pay for online dating.
     
  20. scarphe

    scarphe Senior member

    Messages:
    5,115
    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2007
    
    are you not just changing one social norm for another one be it slightly an archaic one.
    and even when that was the supposed ideal social norm, it was not the practical social norm.
     
    Last edited: May 14, 2012

Share This Page

Styleforum is proudly sponsored by