Stroller to a funeral (close family member)

[Biscione]

Don't. The problem is that if you turn up in something like that, regardless of how formal or informal people find it, it would appear to almost everybody there to be an outfit that had been thought-through, and one into which effort had been placed.

I may be alone here, but I think that wearing something like a stroller and appropriate striped trousers indicates that the person has cared about how good they look at an occasion where the only true interest is caring about respecting the deceased.

So, something sober that is neither sloppy nor precious strikes me as the best option. A dark suit with a white (or subdued) shirt and dark tie is best. I tend to avoid pocket squares as well, as that indicates that thought has been placed into details. I want to send the message of "I'm respectful, but not self-serving (ie. using mourning as an opportunity to dress well)".

I imagine now people will disagree with how affected a stroller is, but I maintain that in the 21st century it definately is.

 

[LabelKing]

I do not see a problem with the desire to look good, or rather presentable, at a funeral. One can be both well-dressed and respectful.

Indeed, would it be respectful for people to show up at a funeral in something like flip-flops, which indeed I have seen?

Thoughtful dressing is both self-respecting and respectful towards others. And besides, I would argue that a funeral is a social institution that has inherent socio-aesthetic connotations. Historically, one could display one's wealth by one's mourning attire, and I shouldn't imagine that isn't the case now what with the custom of rented limousines and the like.

 

[lordofpi]

Originally Posted by teddieriley

OP: You apparently have thought this through. Perhaps you really don't need any of our opinions. What were you hoping to get from them anyway?

Please don't feel that way. I asked because I am genuinely undecided about the outfit. My last post was just to make it clear that I did not ask because I was looking for an ethics-check from some of the members.

 

[lordofpi]

Originally Posted by Bradford

To answer the OP question, I probably wouldn't wear a stroller to a funeral, but it's your call. How will the other members of your family be dressed? Will you stand out or will some or all of them match your level of dress?

While I wear suits to work as well as when going to nice restaurants, the rest of my family generally does not. They are not slovenly, but definitely tend toward using business-casual as their formal-wear.

Originally Posted by Bradford

Also, what type of person is your dying family member. If you think that he would be the type to have appreciated your gesture or he himself was known for his attire, than do it and the heck with anyone else.

As a practical question, I know you are planning to get one of these suits anyway, but if you modify it to black because of the funeral, will you ever get any future use out of it? It's nice to honor your relative, but if you end up with a suit that you never wear again, it would be kind of a waste.

Ultimately, he would not know or appreciate the difference, I imagine. Additionaly, I probably would not get any use out of the suit afterwards. I'd have to start making it my traditional funeral attire, and that would definitely be overkill for other cases where I am not the principle bereaved.

Taking into account the above, as well Biscione's point about looking overly prepared -- I'm starting to teeter back to the side of abandoning this idea.

 

[Biscione]

Originally Posted by LabelKing

I do not see a problem with the desire to look good, or rather presentable, at a funeral. One can be both well-dressed and respectful.

Indeed, would it be respectful for people to show up at a funeral in something like flip-flops, which indeed I have seen?

Thoughtful dressing is both self-respecting and respectful towards others. And besides, I would argue that a funeral is a social institution that has inherent socio-aesthetic connotations. Historically, one could display one's wealth by one's mourning attire, and I shouldn't imagine that isn't the case now what with the custom of rented limousines and the like.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being well dressed. I'm saying that there is something wrong with being overdressed.

To me, thoughtful dressing at a funeral is, again, respectful and sober. So, good and presentable are not hand-in-hand here, because 'presentable' represents what is appropriate, and 'good' represents what is affected or (intended to be) stylish.

 

[LabelKing]

Originally Posted by Biscione

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being well dressed. I'm saying that there is something wrong with being overdressed. To me, thoughtful dressing at a funeral is, again, respectful and sober. So, good and presentable are not hand-in-hand here, because 'presentable' represents what is appropriate, and 'good' represents what is affected or (intended to be) stylish.
However, one can further parse "presentable" into blending in or looking elegant. Certainly, one can look presentable in a kind of cheap black suit and cheap black shoes. That would be blending in; but if one were an unusually thoughtful dresser, as I'm sure the Styleforum denizen are, then the end-result would inevitably be flamboyant in that context. This, I think, is especially true today where most people are disgustingly underdressed, and those who aren't are usually dressed in generally ill-fitting, questionable clothing.

 

[Tampan]

Lordofpi, may you provide strength to those around you at this time.

I imagine you were concerned that there might be a non-solemn message hidden in the wearing of a properly-configured stroller, or perhaps perceptions he'd not considered. The original post was worthwhile, and a reasonable time to ask.

Sator's posts over the months have included some pretty outrageous historical stroller pants, quite enjoyable in other contexts. I would think striped pants in this case should not appear festive, only because most people are not aware of history.

The outfit would have limited use. I wouldn't get it myself for only that reason. Unless I got the pants as part of a suit, which could result in rather strange pinstriped odd pants or a very strange stripey suit. It might work with a PoW check.

But unlike a re-usable wedding suit, it may not put you in a positive frame of mind.

Tampan

 

[Biscione]

You're right- as mentioned beforehand, our 'sober' may very well be another mans 'affected'. Charcoal suit with navy tie is probably more flamboyant that black suit with black tie. One would possibly still be deemed 'overdressed' or 'affected' but a lot less so than they would if wearing a stroller. Hmm.

 

[Dragon]

Judging from this thread, it seems that strollers may not be appropriate in the U.S., but in other countries (like Sator mentioned) they are perfect for the occassion. In Japan for example, you would look extremely stupid showing up in a regular suit to a funeral. Maybe the same thing applies to wearing a stroller to a funeral in the States.

 

[SoCal2NYC]

Originally Posted by Sator

I should also add that funeral attire is culturally conditioned.

I quickly Googled this image of a funeral up from Japan:

Notice that everyone is wearing black and white only. No other colours are seen. In the UK and Europe, morning dress is also still worn for funerals.

This business of wanting to dress down for a funeral seems to be uniquely American.

Exactly....so what's the point of arguing against the culture of not being as esoteric to wear a stroller to a typical U.S. funeral?

Other funeral images:

 

[LabelKing]

The last one looks nice.

 

[Huntsman]

Are they bowing to her in ranks?

 

[LabelKing]

Perhaps it's royalty?

 

[ghulkhan]

stefano at ysls funeral

 

[SoCal2NYC]

Her stockings are sagging.