Some Witty Insults

[bachbeet]

These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with
words was still valued, before a great portion of the English
language got boiled down to 4-letter words.


The exchange between Churchill & Lady
Astor: She said, "If you were my
husband I'd give you poison," and he
said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink
it."

A member of Parliament to
Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on
the gallows or of some unspeakable
disease."
"That depends, Sir," said
Disraeli, "on whether I embrace your
policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." -
Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and
none of the vices I admire." - Winston
Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to
be modest about."
Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have
read many obituaries with great
pleasure."
Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word
that might send a reader to the
dictionary."
William Faulkner (about Ernest
Hemingway).

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think
big emotions come from big words?"
Ernest Hemingway (about William
Faulkner)

 

[West24]

i also have a few good ones

your face
in my pants
thats what she said
your mom

 

[username79]

Originally Posted by West24

i also have a few good ones

your face
in my pants
thats what she said
your mom

These are quite witty.

 

[dopey]

I wouldn't slurp her spaghetti with edmorel's mouth.

 

[Willsw]

Art edition, sans accreditation:


As for M. Cezanne, his name will be forever linked with the most memorable artistic joke of the last fifteen years.

I have seen, and heard, much of Cockney impudence before now; but never expected to hear a coxcomb ask two hundred guineas for flinging a pot of paint in the public's face. (About Whistler)

His pictures seem to resemble not pictures but a sample book of patterns of linoleum. (About Klee)

Daubaway Weirdsley. (About Aubrey Beardsley)

A monstrous orchid. (Aubrey, again)

I liked your opera. I think I will set it to music. (Must give credit to Beethoven)

It resembles a tortoiseshell cat having a fit in a plate of tomatoes. (About Turner's Slave Ship)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."

 

[Lady Canuker]

Originally Posted by dopey

I wouldn't slurp her spaghetti with edmorel's mouth.

+1

 

[Thomas]

"A charming toad of a man"

"A modest man, with much to be modest about"

Both unattributed for now, but when I find the book...

 

[rjmaiorano]

^^ The modesty one is Churchy, courtesy of bachbeet.

 

[rjmaiorano]

Not exact, but:

Woman: 'Sir you a drunk, very drunk'
Churchill: 'Madam, I may be drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober, and you shall still be ugly."

 

[The Deacon]

An ALi fave: "You're not as stupid as you look" To which John Lennon replied, "No, but you are. Two great lines, the wittiest being the response, imho of course.

 

[Willsw]

I'm not sure a "no you are" comeback ranks as one of the wittiest.

 

[dl20]

Originally Posted by The Deacon

An ALi fave: "You're not as stupid as you look" To which John Lennon replied, "No, but you are.

ooooooooooooooo Snap!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sounds like a west24 comeback

dl

 

[Nouveau Pauvre]

Originally Posted by rjmaiorano

Not exact, but:

Woman: 'Sir you a drunk, very drunk'
Churchill: 'Madam, I may be drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober, and you shall still be ugly."

Oh! That is perfect.

 

[The Deacon]

Originally Posted by Willsw

I'm not sure a "no you are" comeback ranks as one of the wittiest.

Picture the line coming from John Lennon with that accent and haughty attitude, the key was "but", and emphasis on you otherwise, I'd be in agreement with your assessment. The way you've reduced it by withholding the "but" makes it akin to "I know you are but what am I?!" Admittedly lame.

Not the greatest line any way you look at it but I actually heard the dialogue between them, it's on camera and it was a sharp/clipped exchange. ALi eyed Lennon after he said it. The remark with it's accompanied intonation cut Ali and he briefly let on that he got the message. That's why it stood out for me. Opinions vary.

 

[Eason]

My most nuanced is "you have a face like a bucket of smashed crabs"