serious advice question

[globetrotter]

Originally Posted by Reggs

It's threads like these that make me happy that I decided my MIL would not be invited to my wedding or ever meet her future grandchildren.

Are you the same guy whos MIL tried to convince your wife to leave you and take the kids in another language when you were in same room?

yes. the same.

 

[dopey]

You have been getting lots of advice on your original question, so I will deal with this:

Originally Posted by globetrotter

hey, she's crazy, she's not stupid. of course she knows I want to kill her.
You should either do this or post about it, but not both.

 

[GQgeek]

Question: does your wife ***************?

 

[globetrotter]

Originally Posted by GQgeek

Question: does your wife ***************?

yes and no - my wife was really pissed off at her mother last night, which I believe triggered my MIL's revelation this morning. I would say my wife doesn't ***************, and has no real respect for her. she loves her, and feels a strong attachment to her.

 

[Dakota rube]

Wow Zach! This woman continues to amaze me; she must have no conscience at all.

I'd say sit down with your wife, away from MIL and your kids, and just start to talk about what all went on. Start with, "do you think this is real? Or just a family legend?" I wouldn't try to portray MIL as a liar or fabricator, but throw out the idea that the lore is just that. Try to ascertain whether your wife gives the story any credence, which should give you a clue as to whether she is upset over the revelation, or over how creepy her mother has shown herself to be.

Depending upon your wife's response, then you have to deal with one of two rather crummy deductions:
1. that your late FIL was not only suicidal but a sociopath and how that may or may not affect your wife; or
2. that your (unfortunately NOT late) MIL is a nutjob.

Neither one of these corollaries is an attractive path to have to go down, but once you discern which one is bothering (sorry for the understatement) your wife, you at least know the demon she, and you, have to deal with.

I think either way, your wife needs to be reminded of the "good" that is within her and of all the great and positive things she's accomplished already in her life. Her work, her volunteerism, her three beautiful children, etc. Counter whatever implied evil she finds in either her mother or father with her own inate kindness.

And if the root of the problem is the MIL, I'd suggest this is a time to remove her from your life, as she is obviously capable of such manipulative and hurtful actions. If your wife's reaction is to her mother (as opposed to her father and his actions) I'm sure she'll see the logic, and the positive outcome excluding the MIL from your lives will have.

Good luck, my friend. I will put in a good word this evening with my boss upstairs.

 

[aarghh]

A longer term problem that you have is you're allowing your MIL to get under your skin. If your wife is attached to her mother, you have to figure out a way of making peace with her (the mother) - at the moment, she seems to be fairly successful in injecting pain into your life.

Perhaps moving away from a hard stance and giving her some respect? I don't mean to sound preachy - more as a tactical move.

 

[Augusto86]

Originally Posted by globetrotter

no, as in the killed in the line of duty, but, honestly, I am not sure that there is that much moral difference in a lot of ways.

Weird. I was going to make a similar comment and then decided it was a bad idea and that I don't know enough to judge.

Anyhow - for all my youth I do know a fair amount about girls with mother/father issues. Oftentimes the best thing to do is simply to tell them that they are not the same person and that people frequently escape their past.

 

[acidboy]

Man do I feel for you. Is your wife's middle name "Hitler" by any chance? I suppose the only way to get you and your wife's sanities back is to cut loose. Move to another city if you have to. Or ship her somewhere else. Obviously there is something that's stopping you from doing this, so I hope in heaven that would be resolved and you and your wife and child go live in quiet and peace.

 

[globetrotter]

wife calmed down about the whle father issue. I think that she understands that he was a ****, and she isn't, and hopefully his being a **** has nothing to do with genes.

she had a big talk with her mother, too. and we decided to harshly limit future visits, just for the sake of peace and sanity. her mother goes back off on her broom to her own personal corner of hell (where all of the other demons are scared to go) in 2 days.

I have suggested a few theraputic things that were suggested to me by very helpful members to my wife and we will see if I can follow up on them.

thanks for the advice and support.

 

[Mute]

MIL's. Can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em without getting 5 to life. Only words that you ever need to say to the MIL in the future, "Enhance your calm, *****!"