Self-conscious style.

[RayManCan]

Hey, this is my first post here. I have nothing in my wardrobe that I am proud of. Whenever I have owned an outfit that I felt looked decent I would quickly get rid of it. They would make me feel too ostentatious or like a fraud. I am very self conscious when it comes to shopping for clothes. I want to get out of my comfort zone stylistically but I am afraid of walking out of the house looking like an idiot. Has anyone else had similar problems ? Any advice for how to get some confidence?

Also, if anyone could recommend any beginner books, tutorials, web sites, or videos for a completely clueless "style neophyte" I would be very grateful.

 

[Tuma]

Obviously you have some clothes you feel good in. You can try to buy some sort of clothing and not to challenge your self too much. are you confident about your body? Because self confidence comes from inside. You can't buy that.

 

[Tsujigiri]

http://www.styleforum.net/t/272980/the-terrible-fashion-blog-thread

Read through this thread. Nothing you were planning on wearing looks as ridiculous as the stuff in there, right? And even if it does, a lot of the bloggers shown in that thread have a following and marketable appeal with the GQ crowd. So pretty much no matter what you wear, at least some people will think it looks good. Don't stress out too much about it. Most people wear pretty boring stuff, so if they see something out of the usual they'll assume you know what you're doing. Rare will be the involved fashionista who will critique the subtleties of your ensemble.

You could also post your outfits in the WAYWT thread to get feedback. Some members here have learned a lot that way.

 

[lestyr3]

Hi Rayman -
I can speak for the vast majority of us here when I say that we've all been where you were. I grew up in Montana, where not giving a s---t about clothes extends even to weddings. It's understating it to say that I was nervous about wearing anything more than jeans and a ratty t-shirt for the longest time. To buy better clothes and to understand how they can work together involved a lot of homework, and some courage.

There are three keys to developing confidence here:
(1) Do it your own way, and accept compliments but not styling from others. This will mean some homework. One of the reasons I became a clothing nerd is because I found most of the "normal" clothing advice I was reading in my early 20s were written by New Yorkers. Not only did they have a completely different lifestyle from Midwestern me (I can't wear shiny stuff, either casual or formal, very often), they tended as a rule to have high-contrast complexions when I am red-haired and ruddy. Put it this way, I do not look good in a white shirt. Or in black. I had to figure out what worked for me, and that meant figuring out flattering colors for me. (For me, this meant blue, red, dark browns, and shades of green and orange my Latin friends could never rock) To this end, I would recommend the color discussions on Ask Andy about Clothes, and if you can afford it the early chapters of Dressing The Man by Alan Flusser. When you know what colors look good on you, you know what to avoid buying.
(2) You have to figure out what your lifestyle is, and the clothes have to be functional for that lifestyle. "Dress like you're going someplace better" is the great commandment, but very very few men can wear a Tom Ford suit on a first date or a normal day at the office. The same goes for much of what's shown on the Streetwear & Denim (SW&D) threads, albeit for different reasons. That's a lot of the reason you ought to look at both formal and informal clothes, because you don't want to be the only guy at the party dressed your way. You must always assess the formality of the situation, and think, "Formal? Informal? In Between?" - that's the first way to set your mind at ease. Then, start asking questions: Is it hot out, or is it supposed to rain? Do I need pockets to carry things? Do I need to walk a lot, or can I wear loafers? All clothing, even formal, is intended to be functional - dress shoes are more comfortable than sneakers and wool pants feel better than sweatpants and have more pockets if you buy quality ones. You are not there to wear clothes; you are there to work or relax or whatever. Dress for the purpose, then dress for the occasion.
(3) Get something that fits you. I'll never forget the first moment I slipped on a shirt that fit me. Even if it was a piece-of-crap H&M one when I was a student in England, the image of something that for the first time followed but did not hug the contours of my body, and the feeling of that first shirt against my skin has never left me. You can overcome many mistakes if you get the fit right. That tends to be a "know-it-when-you-see-it" thing, but I'd recommend much from Flusser's body of work as very helpful this way.

If you're wearing practical clothing in flattering colors and in flattering fits, you know you're on the right track. You're asking the right questions, keep it up!

 

[ylagandre]

I used to not pay attention to what I wore and I made my fair share of mistakes along the way to my current style. Here's a page from my book:

1) Travel. See how people dress outside of you daily surroundings. Pick up some ideas of what you like and you'll have something distinct when you return home. Often times what the locals wear can be found at bargain prices too. My glasses were free in Paris and I get tons of compliments for them.
2) Make a list of faux pas. Cultivate a critical eye and know you will never do certain things. State your reason. For example I think a black blazer and blue jeans is just a terrible combination—especially if the person in question is wearing black dress shoes. In that case the pieces of the ensemble are going in radically different directions that it doesn't feel right in either a formal or informal setting. At least pair the black blazer with black jeans or, if you must, the blue jeans with a taupe or brown blazer.
3) Look at lots of pictures and be omnivorous. You don't have to necessarily want to wear something in order to appreciate it. For example I love Dries Van Noten, but I'd never wear his stuff. On the other hand I really admire the way his stylists layer all the different patterns he's working with. I find that I also like to layer patterns in a tasteful way.
4) Don't spend too much and stay within your means. You'll feel uncomfortable if you spent more than your rent on a shirt!
5) Avoid men's magazines *cough*GQ*cough*. Those are essentially the same trap as paint by numbers. You're far better off making mistakes and learning from them.
6) Make friends with people whose style you admire. Get feedback. I learned the most about style from my friends.

Above all don't be afraid to make mistakes. Some people have it naturally others have to work at it. It took many years for me to find a style that suits me.

Best of luck.

-Y

 

[SpeakAndSpell]

If you don't feel comfortable in what you wear, it's hard to project any kind of confidence. Try wearing things around the house before taking them outside to develop some confidence. It's OK to wear a suit and tie around the house, and if you aren't comfortable wearing it in your own home, you probably aren't going to want to venture outside in it. For the most part, nobody else will notice what you're wearing, unless they care about dress (which almost nobody does–just look around), you are dressed completely outlandishly, or you are overly self-conscious.

Rather than try to dress yourself in things you don't feel right in or that don't seem appropriate for your environment, concentrate on finding and wearing the kind of things you normally would, but focus on how they fit you. Where I live, standard business dress seems to be pants that are too long, a shirt that is too big (for men who lack the kind of gut that shirts seem to be cut to accommodate) and shoes that I can only assume were the only ones in the store at the time. Most of them would look infinitely better if they just had their shirts taken in, their pants hemmed, and their shoes burned.

Finally, I'd suggest that the goal is not to wear good-looking clothes, but rather to wear clothes that make you look good. If you look good and feel confident, almost nobody is going to notice exactly what you're wearing.

 

[ylagandre]

Now that I think about it maybe normcore is more your thing.
http://nymag.com/thecut/2014/02/normcore-fashion-trend.html

 

[thekunk07]

go naked

 

[Snoopy]



If you don't feel comfortable in what you wear, it's hard to project any kind of confidence. Try wearing things around the house before taking them outside to develop some confidence. It's OK to wear a suit and tie around the house, and if you aren't comfortable wearing it in your own home, you probably aren't going to want to venture outside in it. For the most part, nobody else will notice what you're wearing, unless they care about dress (which almost nobody does–just look around), you are dressed completely outlandishly, or you are overly self-conscious.

Rather than try to dress yourself in things you don't feel right in or that don't seem appropriate for your environment, concentrate on finding and wearing the kind of things you normally would, but focus on how they fit you. Where I live, standard business dress seems to be pants that are too long, a shirt that is too big (for men who lack the kind of gut that shirts seem to be cut to accommodate) and shoes that I can only assume were the only ones in the store at the time. Most of them would look infinitely better if they just had their shirts taken in, their pants hemmed, and their shoes burned.

Finally, I'd suggest that the goal is not to wear good-looking clothes, but rather to wear clothes that make you look good. If you look good and feel confident, almost nobody is going to notice exactly what you're wearing.

This is great advise.