Sartorial Street Crimes and Punishments

[MrSmith2U]

To you, gentlemen: Good day!

Today, one is bombarded by visions of sartorial hell which force one to swallow hard and carry on with ones day while probably pitying the poor wearer of the offending garments.

Naturally, everyone cannot dress with refinement and elegance and this is accepted. However, some items of clothing which can be seen upon our fair boulevards and viali really ought to, one feels, be proscribed. If this solution seems a tad harsh, a course of re-education at the expense of the taxpayer is offered as an alternative; society, after all, would benefit.

If, subsequent to this sartorial programming, the culprit persists in showing signs of rebellion, the bounder himself (and, indeed, the fairer sex are not innocent these days) will be 'encouraged' to undergo counselling and re-take the said course, at his own expense. Any further recidivism and the individual could be sent to Australia, New Zealand, or Wales.

I commend this radical, yet eminently sensible proposal to you all and welcome suggestions for the offending items which ought to be included on the list of 'undesirable' items. If I may 'start the ball rolling': words on clothing.

yours,

Smith.

 

[Sator]

Originally Posted by MrSmith2U

Any further recidivism and the individual could be sent to Australia


What happens to you when you are already in Australia?

BTW it is quite warm and lovely here so if any of you want to get a free trip here go ahead and wear your flip flops or whatever it takes to be slapped with this one. I'll shout you a drink and take you to the best tailors in Sydney.

 

[wheelerray]

With all due respect to what should be a sound idea, you have not taken into account that we are in the minority.

WE would be the ones forced to attend remedial dress instruction where required Casual would be G-Star jeans with the waist at the crotch and the crotch at the shins, with a tee shirt dangling from underneath an XXXXL hoodie--of course worn with hood up even on a hot days. The latest and most atrociously gaudy, overpriced Air Jordans, sans laces, or at least untied would be required footwear.

Required dress/formal wear would be Dockers, Kenneth Coles, polyester black socks, and a wrinkled off-white or pastel shirt with a button-down collar and double breast pockets with flaps. Anyone wearing a tie would be hung by it.

For women, only fat girls would be permitted to wear tight clothes, with slim girls relegated to sweats only. No woman who knows how to walk correctly in heels would be allowed to wear them.

Please watch out what you wish for--you may get it!

 

[JR88]

. . . and everyone drinks Corona.

Style is merely another escape from the terror of the majority.

 

[Huntsman]

Anything FCUK must go.
Exposed thongs.
I'd like to see boxing-type clothes go as everyday attire.
Fascination with ever larger labels, cf Abercrombie, Big Horse polos, CC, and LV stuff.

 

[Bandwagonesque]

I'd gladly take Oz, The Land of the Neverending Grey Cloud, or Smelly Wales over this frigid hellhole anytime.

To my local Abercrombie I go!

 

[dirk diggler]

Originally Posted by JR88

. . . and everyone drinks Corona.

Style is merely another escape from the terror of the majority.

don't knock a corona on a hot sunny day in Baja!

 

[Britalian]

If everyone dressed what some of us might consider elegantly, wouldn't the bar need to be raised again?
But for what it's worth: fat people in tight clothing. And tracksuits on the street.

 

[amerikajinda]

Anyone who looks like this:

Common Fashion Mistakes Men Make (from http://www.morrissey-solo.com/~Anais.../journal/22681)

1. The "˜Roadie' - yes unfortunately this look still exists and walks amongst us. Faded tour T-shirt, horrendous jeans worn with a belt, white athletics socks and dirty white trainers. A very bad hairstyle and a very bad leather jacket often accompany this look. So technically this is the committal of several faux pas all at once but the Roadie look is best summed up as just one big huge mistake.

2. Shoes with no socks - (Espadrilles the worst - no one wants to look like Julio Iglesisus do they?) Shoes worn with no socks on a man is a very tenuous and few can get away with this. I do have a very handsome friend whose style is quintessentially British, and he only just gets away with battered deck shoes worn barefoot but technically, its still dodgy. Even worse boys is the wearing of those little "˜sockettes' that are made to be worn with sneakers but always show slightly. Very naff. Don't do it unless you want to look like a 'noughties' neutered male about to get dragged around Ikea.

3. Sandals of course must be worn without socks, but the feet must be in good shape, clean and toenails cut neatly. Men prepare your feet for summer, do not unleash CROWY FEET on the nation!

4. Linen Overload - much like the Denim Overload which takes you into Shaking Stevens territory, wearing a linen shirt AND linen trousers can only result in looking like the man from "˜Del Monte'. What about the Linen Suit? Well, Linen is after all a noble fabric, and immensely stylish in warm climates. It certainly has its place in the male wardrobe, but consideration must be given to colour, cut and how it is worn.

5. Jewellery - Mens jewellery is a tricky area. Gay boys have a knack of getting it right but the hetros frequently get it wrong. The simple fact of the matter is that mens jewellery is best kept very simple - and if you find yourself choosing it from a catalogue shop, forget it...

6. Badly fitting suits are a common male fashion blunder. Traditionally, the average man was said to need two suits. One single breasted for day-to-day use, and one double breasted for best. Double-breasted suits have been out of favour in recent times, and they don't flatter some physiques. So if you're buying a suit go for the best quality you can afford and make sure it fits! Remember the golden rule for buttons, SOMETIMES, ALWAYS NEVER. Top button sometimes, middle button always and bottom button never. Easy!

7. Tucked in Shirts & Tops. Speaks for itself. If you're not wearing a suit, don't ever be tempted to tuck in your top.

8. Athletic wear - should only be worn for Athletics. Posturing around in a full tracksuit with a baseball cap on is fine if you've just come off some pitch/track or other. If you've spent the entire day in a pub this look is tragic. It's that simple. (This also includes the skater look; great if you're a skater, sad if you've never been on one!)

9. "˜Novelty' Ties, Boxers and Socks. No one is amused and no one thinks you look good if you wear "˜Novelty' anything. Christmas is no excuse. Which takes us on to...

10. Ropey Underwear. The majority of men can be guilty of sadly neglecting their underwear, leaving it to be bought for Christmas by their Mum and Aunties or long suffering wives. Then they have a habit of wearing it until the elastic perishes and it looks like the Turin shroud! Sort the underwear out boys, we girlies (and the gay boys) like a man who hasn't left the choosing and maintenance of his pants to some elderly relative!

 

[JLibourel]

Originally Posted by amerikajinda

7. Tucked in Shirts & Tops. Speaks for itself. If you're not wearing a suit, don't ever be tempted to tuck in your top.

WTF???!!! I have always tucked in my shirts and always will! This whole business of the untucked shirt largely arose from prison/gangbanger attire--the better to hide weapons.

If this piece of nonsense were taken seriously, a man wearing an elegant sport coat and tie should leave shirt untucked since he is "not wearing a suit."

I realize that there are some shirts--"shirt jackets," guyaberas, that sort of thing--that are specifically designed to be worn outside the waistband, and these are a different matter although I don't much care for any of them.

 

[ruben]

Originally Posted by Huntsman

Anything FCUK must go. Exposed thongs. I'd like to see boxing-type clothes go as everyday attire. Fascination with ever larger labels, cf Abercrombie, Big Horse polos, CC, and LV stuff.
Pardon me, but what are "boxing-type" clothes?

7. Tucked in Shirts & Tops. Speaks for itself. If you’re not wearing a suit, don’t ever be tempted to tuck in your top.

really? because I see many gaudy dressers sportying the untucked button-up shirt look at more formal events and am inclined to tuck in just to set myself apart.

 

[ruben]

I should add, this reminds me of the Sasha Baron Cohen "Bruno" sketch in which he coaxes fasionistas to advocate sending the unfasionable to internment camps.
Not that anyone is being that extreme.

 

[Thurston]

2. Shoes with no socks - (Espadrilles the worst - no one wants to look like Julio Iglesisus do they?) Shoes worn with no socks on a man is a very tenuous and few can get away with this. I do have a very handsome friend whose style is quintessentially British, and he only just gets away with battered deck shoes worn barefoot but technically, its still dodgy. Even worse boys is the wearing of those little "˜sockettes' that are made to be worn with sneakers but always show slightly. Very naff. Don't do it unless you want to look like a 'noughties' neutered male about to get dragged around Ikea

This is at least the second time you've mentioned your "very handsome friend". Methinks you may be paying a bit too much attention to him.

7. Tucked in Shirts & Tops. Speaks for itself. If you're not wearing a suit, don't ever be tempted to tuck in your top.

I also tuck my shirts in. It's one of the rules that was drilled into me through my school years: belt, socks, shirt tucked. In fact, I'll often tuck a lightweight sweater. Maybe it's because I wear nice belts, maybe I just want to be different. I don't know. But I like it.

 

[California Dreamer]

Count me in as a Rule 7 violator.

My sartorial crimes:

Thongs (flip-flops where you're from) worn with a suit
Beanies with long tassels hanging from them
Any look whatsoever associated with starting riots in the conservative business dress (one gem attached)

 

[lasbar]

Snobish people mixing different pattern and also pushing the "British look" to a caricature!!!!
Tweed is only elegant is certain occasions and worn the right way with the right shirt/tie.!!!
I remember a contestant on "The Apprentice" always wearing a bow tie and looking like a real prat...
He was so patronizing and pedantic ....
Fashion faux-pas are always a question of interpretation as beauty is always in the eye of the beholder...