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Ridiculous s**t you have done for money.

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Bergdorf Goodwill, Aug 15, 2007.

  1. odoreater

    odoreater Senior member

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    I sold butterfly knives to kids in high school.
     
  2. Bergdorf Goodwill

    Bergdorf Goodwill Senior member

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    I don't think I have any pictures since this was back in 98/99. I was working in fish processing and they had a bunch of those big dumpsters they had converted into bunkhouses.

    That rules. I thought about trying to work as a janitor in Antarctica or something, but I don't know if I am adept enough at cleaning the shit of normals to clean the shit of scientists.

    I... had sex with a fatty.

    Did you win your fraternity's hogging pool or something?
     
  3. lawyerdad

    lawyerdad Senior member

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    I... had sex with a fatty.

    Photos?

    + hey wait a minute you did this for money?


    [​IMG]
     
  4. lawyerdad

    lawyerdad Senior member

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    I wish I had ready access to these people's information so I could blackmail them and siphon a bit more off of those sweet, sweet ill-gotten gains. If only you knew the hopeless dropout who'd written your papers, my darlings.

    Plus you'd have the opportunity to try to slip in embarrassing stuff to see if they caught it.
    The elevator in our building has one of those obnoxious screens where they put up weather forecasts, news headlines, etc. (I think the system is called "Captivate", emphasis on "Captiv") as an excuse for bombarding you with 132 seconds of additional advertising per day as you ride the elevators. Periodically they have a "word of the day" feature -- you know, so we can improve ourselves while riding the elevator.

    One day the word was "ordure". The definition given was "foul language". I kid you not.
    So, ok, mildly funny that the "word of the day" definition is not quite right, especially given the word they choose. But they also give a usage example -- the old "use it in a sentence" from grammar school. The usage example for "ordure" (based on their working definition, of course) was:

    The substitute teacher was shocked by the students' use of ordure in the classroom.
    I nearly wet myself laughing. I felt like Mandy Patinkin in Princess Bride: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Some intern or employee on their way to greener pastures earned my admiration that day.
     
  5. Manton

    Manton Senior member Dubiously Honored

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    Plus you'd have the opportunity to try to slip in embarrassing stuff to see if they caught it.

    Speechwriters like to amuse themselves by doing this from time to time. The thing is, in one instance in about 500, it actually gets through. And then you have a real problem.
     
  6. Bergdorf Goodwill

    Bergdorf Goodwill Senior member

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    Plus you'd have the opportunity to try to slip in embarrassing stuff to see if they caught it.
    The elevator in our building has one of those obnoxious screens where they put up weather forecasts, news headlines, etc. (I think the system is called "Captivate", emphasis on "Captiv") as an excuse for bombarding you with 132 seconds of additional advertising per day as you ride the elevators. Periodically they have a "word of the day" feature -- you know, so we can improve ourselves while riding the elevator.

    One day the word was "ordure". The definition given was "foul language". I kid you not.
    So, ok, mildly funny that the "word of the day" definition is not quite right, especially given the word they choose. But they also give a usage example -- the old "use it in a sentence" from grammar school. The usage example for "ordure" (based on their working definition, of course) was:

    The substitute teacher was shocked by the students' use of ordure in the classroom.
    I nearly wet myself laughing. I felt like Mandy Patinkin in Princess Bride: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Some intern or employee on their way to greener pastures earned my admiration that day.


    I have not been privy to such an elevator -- perhaps you should destroy it. I am a big fan of everyday people smashing things that disrupt. When someone pulled the newly-installed traffic cameras out of the ground here, I was ecstatic.
     
  7. Manton

    Manton Senior member Dubiously Honored

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    I thought those damned elevators were only in Manhattan, and quite recent. Our building is just getting them.

    I suspect that -- like most contributors to the ubiquitous media environment -- it originated in Japan.
     
  8. TheHoff

    TheHoff Senior member

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    Once while in drag, I had sex with a guy who thought I was just a fat woman.
     
  9. lee_44106

    lee_44106 Senior member

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    Wrote and sold college admission essays (biographies etc) while in high school.
    Sold Playboy/Penthouse to 7th graders, also while in high school

    I guess they were more examples of an entrepreneurial spirit than "ridiculous shit," that is, until I got caught by the 7th graders' parents.
     
  10. Thomas

    Thomas Senior member

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    One spring I taught Tae Kwon Do as a junior instructor. That was the first time I experienced assignment creep as my duties expanded from warm-ups, to instructing, to locking up the joint at night. The head of the place locked himself in his office and ate Subway while I taught for 2-3 hours a night. I was 16 at the time (brown belt) so I had all the energy in the world, but school suffered a bit. Head reprobate never had the cash to pay me until I quit on him, and he finally paid up.

    After that I never again visited a dojo.
     
  11. lawyerdad

    lawyerdad Senior member

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    I have not been privy to such an elevator -- perhaps you should destroy it. I am a big fan of everyday people smashing things that disrupt. When someone pulled the newly-installed traffic cameras out of the ground here, I was ecstatic.

    Soon enough, it'll be the privy, too.
     
  12. GoSurface

    GoSurface Senior member

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    This doctor commissioned me to paint a garden scene for a friend of hers that died. Which basically goes against everything I believe in. At least it wasn't dogs in fair isle sweaters.
     
  13. op2

    op2 Well-Known Member

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    I... had sex with a fatty.
    Uh, for money, right? [​IMG]
     
  14. Vintage Gent

    Vintage Gent Senior member

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    I managed a band for about two weeks. I made $75.
     
  15. sonick

    sonick Senior member

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    Once while in drag, I had sex with a guy who thought I was just a fat woman.
    TheHoff Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Vancouver, BC Posts: 964 .... Oh shit.
     
  16. lawyerdad

    lawyerdad Senior member

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    TheHoff
    Senior Member
    Join Date: Mar 2007
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    Posts: 964

    .... Oh shit.


    Sounds like somebody owes somebody a big fat refund.
     
  17. amerikajinda

    amerikajinda Senior member

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    i worked at taco bell when i was in high school for 2 months
    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] I hope you never wore your good shoes to work!!! [​IMG]
     
  18. sho'nuff

    sho'nuff Senior member

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    One spring I taught Tae Kwon Do as a junior instructor. That was the first time I experienced assignment creep as my duties expanded from warm-ups, to instructing, to locking up the joint at night. The head of the place locked himself in his office and ate Subway while I taught for 2-3 hours a night. I was 16 at the time (brown belt) so I had all the energy in the world, but school suffered a bit. Head reprobate never had the cash to pay me until I quit on him, and he finally paid up.

    After that I never again visited a dojo.


    this is too bad.. was this guy Korean? he better not be.
     
  19. Thomas

    Thomas Senior member

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    this is too bad.. was this guy Korean? he better not be.

    Nope. 100% white-boy Texans, from the top down. Now that I think of it, the whole chain of dojos were lily-white.

    And it wasn't all bad. I learned from the experience, and everything ended up well in the end. I just don't talk much about it since the martial arts tends to attract folks who like to invent stories about themselves - kind of like PC role-playing geeks [​IMG].
     
  20. rubylith

    rubylith Active Member

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    Philadelphia
    I once had to deliver project revisions to an Army Colonel, while he was getting a suit fitted at Burberry's. It was plain silly (and frankly a little humiliating), since it wasn't urgent or anything. But the guy was obviously thrilled, having a twenty-something girl in a mini-skirt bring stuff to him in that setting. In retrospect, I'm glad to have contributed to his little moment in the sun. [​IMG]
     

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