Relationship advice: that ex

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by fine leather on my feet, Apr 11, 2006.

  1. jay allen

    jay allen Well-Known Member

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    My last 2 cents on this issue...........

    Like many have suggested....be careful of the ultimatum. It rarely, ir ever, works. The fact is that you've talked about this with her several times already. Has anything changed...has she made any effort to understand your feelings on this subject? I would guess she hasn't.....and you know why.....because she knows she doesn't have to.

    I wouldn't issue an ultimatum and deal with all the drama that would follow. She will run out the "you don't trust me shit" in attempt to make this issue all about YOU.

    If you go the ultimatum route it will guarantee a big fight.....no satisfactory resolution....and more of the same shit. The answer is to just ditch her....no drama.....no fight.....no tears....no anything. Do your best Clint Eastwood impression....and walk away. She has to come to the realization that you aren't willing to put up with her high school bullshit.

    This is not the kind of thing you can do halfway....it's all or nothing. Anything short of walking away...not answering cell phone calls...and generally ignoring her will not work. Either she figures out that you aren't a pussy and that you can't be pushed around anymore.....or she doesn't. Either way...you win.

    Believe me...as sure at the sun is going to come up from the East tomorrow....I'm right about this. Exit this kind of relationship with your self respect intact.
     
  2. itsstillmatt

    itsstillmatt The Liberator Dubiously Honored

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    I don't mean to be a jerk, but I would bet dollars to donuts that she is still sleeping with the guy. You don't need that.
     
  3. fine leather on my feet

    fine leather on my feet Member

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    that is one thing i am absolutely certain on, she is not sleeping with him


    i dont suspect she is cheating on me, i just suspect that she is holding on to some sort of feelings for this person that prevent her from doing what any normal person would do and chuck that ex in the garbage
     
  4. wpeters

    wpeters Senior member

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    Despite my response to someone else's comment regarding an ultimatum, I agree with the "just walk away" sentiment.

    What is happening here isn't a miscommunication. It's a lack of understanding by all parties on what is truly taking place. Now that you understand the reality of the situation, base your actions on that, and not the drama. Just go. Seriously, dude. Bag it and tag it.
     
  5. Mr. Checks

    Mr. Checks Senior member

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    Congratulations, you are learning this at 20, which is probably a decade saved in your life.

    I need to make the basic point that is implied in all the other posts: if he still has the ability to make her cry, there is still too much in the way of feelings between them.

    You need to be looking for a woman who is polite but indifferent toward her ex, not passionate toward him.

    FWIW: I second the "walk away" approach, rather than the ultimatum. When/if she leaves a voice mail three weeks later that he is gone, allow her slowly back into your life.
     
  6. wpeters

    wpeters Senior member

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    that is one thing i am absolutely certain on, she is not sleeping with him

    I have no insight into this issue one way or the other, but I'm curious. Are you certain of this because her schedule is so full and you see her so often that she literally does not have the available time? Or because you know her well enough to know that such behavior is not in her character?

    One of those is an educated guess, and one of those is just a guess.
     
  7. wpeters

    wpeters Senior member

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    If he still has the ability to make her cry, there is still too much in the way of feelings between them.

    Unless he's running around spraying her in the eyes with RAID or something. In which case, stand up for your woman!
     
  8. fine leather on my feet

    fine leather on my feet Member

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    I have no insight into this issue one way or the other, but I'm curious. Are you certain of this because her schedule is so full and you see her so often that she literally does not have the available time? Or because you know her well enough to know that such behavior is not in her character?

    One of those is an educated guess, and one of those is just a guess.



    i guess i can say there is no possible time for her to be sneaking it in, and she knows that if i ever found out, that i would literally kill the other person
     
  9. LA Guy

    LA Guy Opposite Santa Staff Member Admin Moderator

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    Ultimatums never work. Walk away. Don't look back. If you must, listen to the last track on Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band's "Stranger in Town" on repeat. Hang out with friends, and at some point, find someone else. Repeat as necessary.
     
  10. fine leather on my feet

    fine leather on my feet Member

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    ok, since it was brought up now, i want to bring up the fact that the ex boyfriend is in reality an ex girlfriend

    i would have beat the shit out of her long ago if in fact she was a he
     
  11. whoopee

    whoopee Senior member

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    Wow interesting complication.
     
  12. wpeters

    wpeters Senior member

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    ok, since it was brought up now, i want to bring up the fact that the ex boyfriend is in reality an ex girlfriend i would have beat the shit out of her long ago if in fact she was a he
    Is this for real? Either way, this is a laugh riot. This thread was nearly dead, and it just totally got my attention again. This raises a whole list of questions in my mind. - What is the relative hotness of your girlfriend and her ex? - What are the chances that you could have a threesome before this all completely blows apart? - You girlfriend is obviously bi. Is the ex? If she's a lesbian, will she let you fuck her anyway, if your girlfriend asks nicely? I'm dying to know.
     
  13. Mr. Checks

    Mr. Checks Senior member

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    ok, since it was brought up now, i want to bring up the fact that the ex boyfriend is in reality an ex girlfriend

    i would have beat the shit out of her long ago if in fact she was a he



    ...
     
  14. fine leather on my feet

    fine leather on my feet Member

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    Is this for real? Either way, this is a laugh riot. This thread was nearly dead, and it just totally got my attention again.

    that is entirely true

    i knew it would complicate things dramatically, so i changed it to an ex boyfriend because i knew i would get better responses
    im sorry if that seems sneaky or something
     
  15. LA Guy

    LA Guy Opposite Santa Staff Member Admin Moderator

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    ok, since it was brought up now, i want to bring up the fact that the ex boyfriend is in reality an ex girlfriend

    i would have beat the shit out of her long ago if in fact she was a he


    You're either fucking with us, or hmmm.... this is not problem I've had to deal with... there is a solution, but I've only seen it in movies with dubious plotlines and lots of action.
     

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