Questions on Marriage (for lawyerdad)

[vanity]

I know it's probably not true all across the board, but I have some questions about marriage that people always joke about and I dunno if it's true or not.

Do women really stop giving oral sex after marriage?

Does their sex drive plummet like everyone says?

After she has a baby, will she ignore you?

Will her debt become my debt?

 

[lakewolf]

I think it is normal that the sex drive on a married couple reduces over the time and could become routine, it is up to you both, or keeping it interesting or to chose to develop your personal relationship with her in other dimensions than only sex.. You'll discover that when your relationship with that person grows richer and deeper in different areas, then the sex becomes interesting in another way

 

[Quirk]

Maybe it's time for a heart-to-heart with your dad.

 

[vanity]

thats why this is for lawyerdad. he gives good advice w/o being judgemental.

 

[lawyerdad]

Originally Posted by vanity

I know it's probably not true all across the board, but I have some questions about marriage that people always joke about and I dunno if it's true or not.

Do women really stop giving oral sex after marriage?

Does their sex drive plummet like everyone says?

After she has a baby, will she ignore you?

Will her debt become my debt?
As for 1-3, my data pool is too shallow to be reliable. I have no complaints, but check with me after I've been married several more times to I have a more represenative sample.
As for the last point, I don't know anything about Illinois law, but in general the answer is "it depends". (Yes, people actually pay me good money to give them answers like "it depends".) But in most states, if you guys do a pre-nup or something and maintain separate finances after marriage, you can generally preserve the separation between your pre-existing assets and liabilities and her assets and liabilities. If it's a real concern, a family law lawyer who knows the law in Illinois should be able to help you prepare a simple pre-nup and provide you with general guidelines for what you have to do in the marriage (keep separate checking accounts, taking title to a house as joint tenants rather than community property, etc.) to ensure that your assets remain your separate property. It should be fairly straightforward, so the cost of having somebody set you on the right path shouldn't be all that much (at least relative to all the other $$ you'll be hemorraging with the wedding). You can also see if there is a helpful publication out there by Nolo Press (www.nolopress.com), which is an excellent company (no affiliation) that publishes books and creates forms to help nonlawyers understand and deal with common legal issues.

 

[vanity]

Can you divorce because of mental illness? For instance, lets say your partner has a parent who has mental illness on their side of the family. And her brother has this too but his is so bad he cannot work and is on government assistance. He's pretty much worthless and can't do anything.

Lets say 10 years down the road, your spouse develops this. If she's evaluted and found to have this mental illness and be ligitimately crazy, can you divorce her for that? And bypass the normal splitting of assests and what-not? She's a great woman now, but if she morphs into something from her mother's side of the family, we're going to have serious problems.

 

[Dakota rube]

Originally Posted by lawyerdad

...taking title to a house as joint tenants rather than community property, etc.) to ensure that your assets remain your separate property.
I think you meant to say take title as tenants in common (at least that's what we call it here). That maintains completely seperate "shares" of ownership which can be sold, mortgaged etc. without regard to the other "tenant".

And vanity...divorce is largely no-fault anymore (depending upon your state or residence). One can initiate divorce without specific reason. But I don't believe how a divorce "came about" has anything to do with how assets and/or liabilities are divided.

BTW: I wish your scenario about mental illness could apply in my life, as it pertained to dividing debt. My wife ran up over $100K in unsecured debt and the court would almost certainly look to me to repay nearly all of it.

 

[skalogre]

Originally Posted by vanity

Can you divorce because of mental illness? For instance, lets say your partner has a parent who has mental illness on their side of the family. And her brother has this too but his is so bad he cannot work and is on government assistance. He's pretty much worthless and can't do anything. Lets say 10 years down the road, your spouse develops this. If she's evaluted and found to have this mental illness and be ligitimately crazy, can you divorce her for that? And bypass the normal splitting of assests and what-not? She's a great woman now, but if she morphs into something from her mother's side of the family, we're going to have serious problems.
Good god man. What are these questions? I mean, I laud your taking a possible marriage seriously (does not happen enough imho) but hell, this is just odd. Now, here is my take, marriage takes a certain leap of faith. Sort of like religion really, if you tend towards those things. Now as weird as it is coming from me, I do think that a certain gamble - or, if you prefer, risk taking - is necessary for such a decision. All of it comes down to your projections and expectations and how you will deal with the - inevitable - problems. As for the divorce, of course you can divorce but do you mean if for instance your partner is incapacitated, deemed legally unable to make a decision or something of the sort? Edit: DR has gone through from what he has described a most unfortunate situation so I am sure he has some good advice to give you, perhaops on what to look out for or dealing with possible conflict down the road. P.s. I know I am not Lawyerdad, errm, I mean, I am his foreign, smarter and more attractive alter-ego

- although in some circles that is referred to as the evil doppelganger but I digress

 

[vanity]

I guess these are pretty negative questions, but I want to know as much about marriage as possible before I go through with it. It's like signing any other legal document. I'd like to know exactly what it entails b/f I take it on for the rest of my life. And if I don't agree to the terms, I'll ask to amend them.

 

[Connemara]

Originally Posted by vanity

I guess these are pretty negative questions, but I want to know as much about marriage as possible before I go through with it. It's like signing any other legal document. I'd like to know exactly what it entails b/f I take it on for the rest of my life. And if I don't agree to the terms, I'll ask to amend them.

If that's all marriage means to you, please skip it.

 

[Quirk]

Are there practical advantage to marriage for you? Why not just be in a relationship that's free of legal entanglements? That way if a woman stops giving head, goes crazy, or gets into financial difficulty, you can just ditch her and move on without any headaches or legal obligations.

 

[dkzzzz]

If she has a history of mental illness in her family you must really, really LOVE her to contemplate having family=children with her.

Can you just be together without applying for a license from the government?
Somehow I doubt you want to marry due to your religious beliefs...

 

[lawyerdad]

Originally Posted by vanity

Can you divorce because of mental illness? For instance, lets say your partner has a parent who has mental illness on their side of the family. And her brother has this too but his is so bad he cannot work and is on government assistance. He's pretty much worthless and can't do anything.

Lets say 10 years down the road, your spouse develops this. If she's evaluted and found to have this mental illness and be ligitimately crazy, can you divorce her for that? And bypass the normal splitting of assests and what-not? She's a great woman now, but if she morphs into something from her mother's side of the family, we're going to have serious problems.
Two separate issues. Again, I know bupkis about Illinois law and am not a family law expert. But these days, in most states, you don't need a "reason" to divorce somebody. Under "no-fault" divorce law, you can divorce your spouse when you want for whatever reason you want. As for bypassing the whole dividing-the-assets things, I'm not sure what the question is. The assets and liabilities have to go somewhere. But generally speaking, if you're in a community law jurisdiction only "community" assets need to get "divided". If you've maintained separate assets, those separate assets should remain your separate property and don't need to be "divided". It's only those things that have become joint "community" assets to be divided.
So, while you should not rely on what I say and should check with someone who knows something about Illinois law, it comes back to the whole issue of deciding in advance whether you want to do a pre-nup and how you want to deal with finances within the marriage. Those decisions obviously can be influenced by a whole lot of emotional/moral/religious/whatever factors that everyone needs to resolve for themselves. But assuming you want to maintain some degree of financial independence that would survive the marriage, in most jurisdictions there are fairly straightforward ways to do this.

 

[lawyerdad]

Originally Posted by dkzzzz

If she has a history of mental illness in her family you must really, really LOVE her to contemplate having family=children with her.

Can you just be together without applying for a license from the government?
Somehow I doubt you want to marry due to your religious beliefs...

Kinda depends on what that history is. In these "everything is an affliction" days, a whole lot of stuff gets swept into the category of "mental illness". (See, e.g., Gavin Newsome and Tom Foley.) Some things are biologically hereditary and thus may be considerations for couples thinking about having children. Some are not.

 

[globetrotter]

I agree with what S says.

about sex - hard to say. honestly, I am sometimes amazed at how little sex i get. on the other hand, it is very good, wehn I get it. and it doens't envolve dating, which I hate.

but everything balences out.

Originally Posted by skalogre

Good god man. What are these questions? I mean, I laud your taking a possible marriage seriously (does not happen enough imho) but hell, this is just odd.
Now, here is my take, marriage takes a certain leap of faith. Sort of like religion really, if you tend towards those things. Now as weird as it is coming from me, I do think that a certain gamble - or, if you prefer, risk taking - is necessary for such a decision. All of it comes down to your projections and expectations and how you will deal with the - inevitable - problems.
As for the divorce, of course you can divorce but do you mean if for instance your partner is incapacitated, deemed legally unable to make a decision or something of the sort?

Edit:
DR has gone through from what he has described a most unfortunate situation so I am sure he has some good advice to give you, perhaops on what to look out for or dealing with possible conflict down the road.

P.s. I know I am not Lawyerdad, errm, I mean, I am his foreign, smarter and more attractive alter-ego

- although in some circles that is referred to as the evil doppelganger but I digress