People with kids - do you regret it?

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by Macallan9, Sep 19, 2012.

  1. Macallan9

    Macallan9 Senior member

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    It's always seemed to me that about 1/3 of all parents I meet seem to regret having them (never admit it, of course). I imagine that they still love them, of course, but also wish they had the freedom that you get with no kids. I'm hoping the anonymity of the interwebs might give me some honest insights into it. Do you ever wish you didn't have kids?




    Personal context: The girl I've been seeing/sleeping with has said she would not get an abortion if she became pregnant, and I've been thinking about what ifs. The thing is, if I were going to have a kid, I can't imagine a much better partner. I just don't feel ready to have a child yet.

    And if we didn't have kids, we'd have a lot of disposable income (we're both doing pretty well financially) and time that just wouldn't be there with children. I'm just envisioning trips all over the world every year, doing whatever we can imagine, matching Bugattis, and bespoke shower curtains and shit. That just sounds more interesting than raising a kid, that I would probably have to disown for getting a 98% on his SAT anyway. But that's my view right now (age 28, shes 31) and I'd like to hear if people's views on this have changed or not.

    And to head off the SF bro advice- yes, I strap it up, I keep the condoms and bring them. Nor is she the type to do the accidental on purpose "whoops I got pregnant" thing anyway.
     


  2. globetrotter

    globetrotter Senior member

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    I don't regret my kids, at all. but I waited until I found the right woman, and until I was 35, with a good solid career. basically, I had my life before I had kids. my life now is about 1/10nth as much about me enjoying myself, and the rest about raising my kids right. but I don't regret that, at all.

    my dad had his first kid, by accident, at 17, and he ended up fucking up a whole bunch of lives over it. so it is all relative
     


  3. Thomas

    Thomas Senior member

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    I regret a few decisions I made regarding the kids, but do I regret having them? No.

    One of the regrets I do have is that I didn't do all the things I wanted to do when I was younger and had more freedom. Now I kinda have to work a bit harder to get where I want to go.
     


  4. Macallan9

    Macallan9 Senior member

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    If you never had them, do you think you'd be happy still? AKA what do you think a life without kids would've been like?
     


  5. norcaltransplant

    norcaltransplant Senior member

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    I'm interested in this thread.
     


  6. MrG

    MrG Senior member

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    I'd be lying if I said there aren't things I miss about not being a parent, but I definitely don't regret having a kid. Life got considerably more complicated when LowerCaseG came along, and I gave up considerable freedom, but being a father has been incredibly rewarding. It's also really fascinating.

    I will say that I'm very glad MrsG and I waited until we were both as ready as we could possibly be before having a child (note the emphasis on "both," because she was ready long before I was). It has been a wonderful experience, but it's also stressful and hard, even under the best of circumstances. By doing our best to be prepared, I feel like we positioned ourselves to be good, conscientious, parents and protected our marriage from weakening from the new challenges parenthood presented.
     


  7. akatsuki

    akatsuki Senior member

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    I regret not having kids earlier in life. Love being a parent, but there are definitely trade-offs.
     


  8. Geoffrey Firmin

    Geoffrey Firmin Senior member

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    My son is 18 and has discovered hangovers, the legal drinking age in Oz is 18.

    He does not come home drunk but stays at a mates place then comes home and inflicts his woes upon us.

    So at present Yes I do regret having children who are stupid ego centric megalomaniacs with attitude.

    Aside from the current circumstances I would not have missed being a parent I think it enabled me to grow as a person in ways I would not have known had the wife remained childless.

    I love my son immensely, its just the current attitude I can't cope with.
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2012


  9. acidboy

    acidboy Senior member

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    we didn't have kids right away, our first was 2 years into the marriage and the 2nd was when our firstborn was already 5 yo. I have never ever regret having kids, as a matter of fact I'm still gunning for a 3rd one. if anything, I like this fatherhood thing, and my two girls are wonderful and fun to be with.

    of course, they're not yet in their teens so I might change my mind soon :)
     


  10. GusW

    GusW Senior member Dubiously Honored

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    I was married at 28 had a child at 33. That gave me plenty of time to do things sans kids, get established and my career well underway. Once my son was born, I continued to travel extensively and simply took him along with my wife and sometimes a grandmother or sitter to care for him during the day if it was a business trip. I had a lot of fun taking him all over the US and Europe. Taking a child around major cities does take some additional effort but it also allows you to see things differently, and most often for the better.

    Eventually, kids have commitments and can't travel, except during school vacations. But, one day they leave home and guess what? You can sleep in, go to Tahiti, have parties, take up crazy hobbies or do whatever else you want.

    Most of the people I've known who have had a hard time with kids are couples who were career driven early on and waited to have kids until their early 40's. It was tough because 1) their lifestyle was firmly established making it harder to adjust and 2) they were always the oldest parent in the room, at back to school night, when kids got together to play, etc. A few people can handle that but not many.

    At 28, I was terrified by the idea of having kids. I came around and I have never ever regretted it. In fact I wish I had a few more.
     


  11. HansderHund

    HansderHund Senior member

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    My wife and I don't have kids and it's only recently that we've talked about them with enthusiasm. The fact that I was far less interested only a couple of years ago tells me that maybe it's something that you naturally grow into (or not). When we're doing something fun, such as an extended holiday or staying out late, it often occurs to me that it wouldn't happen or it would be modified if/when we have children. I also assume that there are rewards that I haven't thought of that will be a trade off to giving up certain things I like presently. Disposable income will go more in the direction of children, for example, but certainly there will be some sort of intangible reward to doing that.

    I think it's also perfectly fine for me to admit that I generally don't like other people's children. I've occasionally gotten odd looks from others (I only really admit it to childless people) when I say this, but I see nothing inherently wrong with it. I am not nearly as amused by your kids as you likely are. I cringe at your child being sick, destroying things or being loud because they aren't mine. It is the same with dogs. I really enjoy my dog because I chose to have it and educate (train) him. I know his particular habits and oddities. I may not like your dog. It may be because your dog is dirty or annoying. There's nothing wrong with that.

    ^^ No offense intended for the comparison of dogs v. children.
     


  12. NORE

    NORE Senior member

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    I can't imagine life without children. They are a precious gift.
     


  13. Mr Melanzane

    Mr Melanzane Senior member

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    I'm with B. Hicks.

    Can be argued not having kids is selfish and that having them is selfish (more commonly argued).
     


  14. CDFS

    CDFS Senior member

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    It's only been less than a year, but I don't regret it at all. Getting to know the person he is becoming is a great experience. Being, or trying to be, good parents is rewarding. I also appreciate his mother more than before by watching her interact with him. There are drawbacks, of course. Money is thighter than it would have otherwise been. Time is thighter still. For instance, being sick (flue, fever, norro, etc.) is no longer as 'fun' as I remember. No longer can I enjoy my own missery for a couple of days while in the meantime catch up with reading and watch some TV. There's always something to do.

    We smile a lot, though.


    By the way, I don't think I dislike other people's children as HderH does, but I do think their presence is death to all social events except children's birthday parties. I've mellowed on this though, and in the last couple of years more and more of my friends got children and they have some cool kids. The best time to have kids, then, is when you're already surrounded by them, anyway.:)
     


  15. NorCal

    NorCal Senior member

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    Love having kids, wish I had started earlier, plan on having a more (God willing).
    Honestly, matching bespoke shower curtains and stupid cars sound boring. Kids are way more fun.
     


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