People who refuse gifts

[FidelCashflow]

Has this ever happened to you?

I went to visit my older sister and brother-in-law who recently got married and are just getting settled. I wanted to get them a really practical gift, and they would always talk about how much home renovations were going to cost them. I tried to give them a small amount of money as a belated wedding present to maybe buy a piece of furniture with or at least start some of the smaller home renovation tasks, but they flatly refused. It almost turned into an confrontation with me pleading with them, then apologizing to them. Strangely enough, in my family this is pretty typical to refuse gifts and make a big fuss over not accepting it.

I really and truly hate giving gifts because in my experience the gift is always either:
1) an insignificant piece of crap no one really wants or
2) so big, its almost over the top in which people feel obligated to refuse

Conversely, I also hate receiving gifts. The worst is when I have to pretend I like and cherish it when its of no use to me at all.

 

[tiecollector]

Yeah gift-giving is kind of marsupialed. I don't give gifts to anyone except maybe 4 people. I don't like receiving gifts for the very reason you mentioned. I'd much rather get a pack of pencils or a card than some statue or something that I'll never use.

In any case, whether the gift is crap or not, I will say thank you graciously because they took the time to give it to me and it is the thought that counts.

 

[acidboy]

Not familiar with other cultures, but I do know some people find it offensive when someone gives cash, like they consider it a doleout.

 

[choowy]

Yeah, I probably wouldn't accept cash either. Pride would stop me from accepting the cash, especially from my brother-in-law.

Perhaps if you bought them something to decorate their new place or even a giftcard to a hardware store, they would have taken it?

 

[FidelCashflow]

Originally Posted by choowy

Perhaps if you bought them something to decorate their new place or even a giftcard to a hardware store, they would have taken it?

It did occur to me, and I did try to get a feel for if they were looking for some kind of furniture, maybe a dining table or something. But whenever I brought it up, they said they didn't have space for any of it yet and they needed to do a bunch of work like replacing the electrical wiring and repainting the house first. I didn't want to inadvertently limit them to a store they would otherwise not use.

 

[TRINI]

Home Depot/Lowe's gift card.

 

[lithium180]

i've never had anybody say no to a nice bottle of booze.

 

[justsayno]

or champagne

 

[SkinnyGoomba]

being Italian, i've never refused cash, and everyone in my family gives cash as a gift.

 

[tiecollector]

Cash always feels weird to give and receive unless it was otherwise requested.

 

[FidelCashflow]

Originally Posted by tiecollector

Cash always feels weird to give and receive unless it was otherwise requested.

Maybe it's a cultural thing. When I was younger, I rarely ever received gifts unless I was specifically requesting it, otherwise every birthday was just a $20 bill. It makes life so much easier for everyone involved. Why does it have to weird people out???

 

[Thomas]

Originally Posted by lithium180

i've never had anybody say no to a nice bottle of booze.

You've never tried to charm a date's Baptist parents with a bottle of Macallan.

 

[Ace Rimmer]

Originally Posted by FidelCashflow

I really and truly hate giving gifts because in my experience the gift is always either:
1) an insignificant piece of crap no one really wants or
2) so big, its almost over the top in which people feel obligated to refuse

I agree ... but one way to fix #1 is to discreetly find out if the person has an Amazon Wish List or other registry of sorts. You do not need to ask them if they have a Wish List to find out. You only need their name and some other info on them (e.g. city).

You'd be surprised who actually uses the Amazon wish list ... without asking, I found my boss, my secretary, my sister, my brother in law, etc. ALL had one. People buy tons of stuff from Amazon (myself included) so it's a good guess that they might have one. Amazon has a neat feature where you can add stuff to your Wish List that Amazon doesn't itself sell, so its versatility is quite nice.

Using the above, I have purchased gifts that I knew that they wanted, and it didn't have to be $000s where they would feel any pressure to refuse it.

 

[acidboy]

Originally Posted by SkinnyGoomba

being Italian, i've never refused cash, and everyone in my family gives cash as a gift.

being Chinese, one of the best gifts you can give is a red envelope.

 

[lithium180]

Originally Posted by Thomas

You've never tried to charm a date's Baptist parents with a bottle of Macallan.

oh, that doesn't sound like a pretty situation.

Originally Posted by Ace Rimmer

I agree ... but one way to fix #1 is to discreetly find out if the person has an Amazon Wish List or other registry of sorts. You do not need to ask them if they have a Wish List to find out. You only need their name and some other info on them (e.g. city).

You'd be surprised who actually uses the Amazon wish list ... without asking, I found my boss, my secretary, my sister, my brother in law, etc. ALL had one. People buy tons of stuff from Amazon (myself included) so it's a good guess that they might have one. Amazon has a neat feature where you can add stuff to your Wish List that Amazon doesn't itself sell, so its versatility is quite nice.

Using the above, I have purchased gifts that I knew that they wanted, and it didn't have to be $000s where they would feel any pressure to refuse it.

That's a good idea. I'll think about trying that in the future!