People who only call/talk to you when they need/want someting...

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by Bouji, Mar 22, 2007.

  1. Bouji

    Bouji Senior member

    Messages:
    743
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2006
    Location:
    Belgravia, London, UK
    How do you react with them...
     


  2. freakseam

    freakseam Senior member

    Messages:
    151
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2003
    Depends on the request, how frequent the calls are and how long the presumably one-sided relationship has gone on and, generally, how much I am actually put out in helping another.

    If I can help, I help.

    However, if I've helped and the other hasn't returned the 'favor' (not a 'me this time, you next time' tradeoff, but generally speaking, you know, if it's <always> one way and only one way), then at some point, it increasingly depends on what's being asked and the things I noted above. It's great to always 'be there' for others, and that's pretty much my default behavior; however, I've learned that one can be doing a disservice to oneself. Strangely, perhaps, one gets into 'taken for granted' territory and the reality that one person is doing 'more' sometimes gets lost. That is, helping for the sake of helping is its own reward, but there is a line that, if crossed by another, and left unrecognized, detracts from one's own life.
     


  3. acidboy

    acidboy Senior member

    Messages:
    21,170
    Likes Received:
    1,740
    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2006
    If they're calling to ask something there's usually no problem. If they're asking me to do a favor, unless it doesn't require me to be disturbed, bothered, approach somebody else or sweat, then I'd do it too.

    Then I'd tell on our common friends on how big a user that guy is.
     


  4. Jl24

    Jl24 Senior member

    Messages:
    131
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2006
    Ask yourself if you would help them if you didn't get anything back from them. If you're willing to help them without any expectations, then go ahead. If you expect something back and the help would cost too much from you, don't.
     


  5. trajan

    trajan Senior member

    Messages:
    369
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2006
    Location:
    NY, NY
    In general I help a lot. So much in fact that I got into trouble for it. Let me give you an example. When I was in college I was one of the few people with a car, and basically I helped people a lot with moving, buying stuff for parties, etc. In fact, I helped too much, so much that people got me for granted, they stopped thanking me, and it was like I was there for them. When I heard someone make a joke about this, I started thinking twice when offering help. I occasionally became the bad boy. Things improved considerably after that.

    There's another problem. Some people are so void, that they only need help, emotional support, etc and never give anything. Let's call these people takers. I have a friend, and I considered dating her. (she was into me big time) But then I noticed that she's always me me me. It's possible that she'll always be like that.

    --trajan
     


  6. nioh

    nioh Senior member

    Messages:
    708
    Likes Received:
    2
    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2006
    Location:
    Hong Kong.
    Far too common, however if there is time I do my best to help out.
     


  7. Bouji

    Bouji Senior member

    Messages:
    743
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2006
    Location:
    Belgravia, London, UK
    I should have been more specific, the person is perfectly polite to me always; yet the behaviour changes once they have got what they wanted from me.
    When they want something they will call every day for general talk, and we will go out together quite often, but once they have what they want, the calls will reduce, and if you call them, you often won't get through, when they call you back you get some excuse like they left their phone at home... (I'm not digging too deep here, it has happened several times, and I am starting to see the pattern.)
    Personaly, with the exception of my family, I do not accept favours from people, and even then, they are apriciated for it, more when its done, not less after its done. I'd just say that's how I'd like people to behave with me.
     


  8. denimdestroyedmylife

    denimdestroyedmylife Big Winner

    Messages:
    4,649
    Likes Received:
    4
    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2006
    if they call me, they better want/need something
    i hate when someone calls and he/she's got nothing to say
    am i here for your entertainment?
     


  9. DNW

    DNW Senior member

    Messages:
    10,526
    Likes Received:
    4
    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2006
    Location:
    Recession, Baby
    These people are leechers. Unless you desire their company, cut them off. A relationship is a two way street. I have very clear boundaries on who I call friends and who I have as acquaintances. Friends, I'll gladly do favors for. Acquaintances, I'll do a favor if there's something in it for me.
     


  10. Kent Wang

    Kent Wang Affiliate Vendor Dubiously Honored Affiliate Vendor

    Messages:
    5,724
    Likes Received:
    1,226
    Joined:
    May 5, 2005
    Location:
    London
    if they call me, they better want/need something i hate when someone calls and he/she's got nothing to say am i here for your entertainment?
    I hate it when people ask me what I'm thinking at the moment. Usually it's something dumb or obscure so my default answer is now "cats".
     


  11. gdl203

    gdl203 Affiliate Vendor Dubiously Honored Affiliate Vendor

    Messages:
    36,830
    Likes Received:
    17,366
    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2005
    Location:
    New York
    if they call me, they better want/need something
    i hate when someone calls and he/she's got nothing to say
    am i here for your entertainment?


    +1
     


  12. Quirk

    Quirk Senior member

    Messages:
    2,581
    Likes Received:
    6
    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2006
    if they call me, they better want/need something i hate when someone calls and he/she's got nothing to say am i here for your entertainment?
    +1 I hate telephone conversations, so I get extremely impatient with casual bullshit calls. Ask for a favor, ask for advice, ask for money, convey some important information, or at least tell me about something interesting or of note.
     


  13. tiger02

    tiger02 Militarist

    Messages:
    3,799
    Likes Received:
    2
    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2004
    Location:
    NYC
    I'm on the +1 brigade. I dislike chit chat, especially on the phone.
     


  14. Ivan Kipling

    Ivan Kipling Senior member

    Messages:
    2,114
    Likes Received:
    0
    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2006
    If anyone needs or wants something from me, I never hear about it.
     


  15. texas_jack

    texas_jack Senior member

    Messages:
    10,257
    Likes Received:
    477
    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2006
    Location:
    Hobart, IN
    I hate it when people ask me what I'm thinking at the moment. Usually it's something dumb or obscure so my default answer is now "cats".

    I'm going to use that.
     


Share This Page

Styleforum is proudly sponsored by