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Out of your league?

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by CTGuy, Jan 22, 2007.

  1. LARon

    LARon Senior member

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    [double post]
     
  2. GQgeek

    GQgeek Senior member

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    I completely believe in OOML but moreso, out of my class and that's not always an insult to yourself. For example, say you meet a girl who's a big partier and you're not. You think you are perfectly "good enough" for her, but her lifestyle and perhaps social class and even looks might not jive with yours.

    I think it's very misleading and a little bit cruel to be so positive when giving advice to people. The whole "looks are just skin deep" and "nobody is out of your league, bro" talk doesn't help anyone.


    I don't think anyone has said that here. Certainly, people give that advice in RL, and I'd be inclined to agree that it's not the best advice, depending upon the person to whom it's being given.

    My point is that you could take two similarly classed women and they might both want completely different things from a man and from a relationship. There's no way of knowing unless you test the waters. Besides, getting shot-down from a hot rich girl is no different then getting shot-down by a hot poor girl so I don't see what the big deal is.
     
  3. sygyzy

    sygyzy Senior member

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    I just don't like getting shot down, period.
     
  4. drizzt3117

    drizzt3117 Senior member

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    I don't think anyone has said that here. Certainly, people give that advice in RL, and I'd be inclined to agree that it's not the best advice, depending upon the person to whom it's being given.

    My point is that you could take two similarly classed women and they might both want completely different things from a man and from a relationship. There's no way of knowing unless you test the waters. Besides, getting shot-down from a hot rich girl is no different then getting shot-down by a hot poor girl so I don't see what the big deal is.


    IMO this is more of an issue in longer term relationships. People "slum" all the time. It's easier to get hurt more when the relationship is longer and you're more committed, and harder to sustain a relationship outside of your social class, that's all I'm saying. IMO cultural differences make it harder.
     
  5. The False Prophet

    The False Prophet Senior member

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    I think it was Casanova who put his success down to treating the plainest women like they were beautiful, and the most beautiful like they were plain.

    Really every person is different, though, and it is difficult to generalise. Many of the more "talented" girls I come across don't date attractive men, I suppose they don't want to be outdone, or to feel insecure that they might get traded up. Ironically, because these guys know that they are punching above their weight, they tend to treat them worse almost out of disbelief that they're even in the relationship, and are even drawn into infidelity because they feel in some way that it is doomed to come to an end.

    A short personal epilogue, I once was friendly with a girl who I considered to be out of my league, and indeed who remains in my memory today as the one that got away. I realised two things in retrospect: the first is that she was not nearly as perfect as I thought her to be at the time; the second is that, frankly, I think she was bored of being engaged as a pretty blonde, rather than an intelligent, worldly, charming person. I also realise in retrospect that I didn't give myself enough credit at the time, my personal style was still developing and I was still a bit awkward about my appearance.

    Ah, for a second chance!
     
  6. LARon

    LARon Senior member

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    I think it was Casanova who put his success down to treating the plainest women like they were beautiful, and the most beautiful like they were plain.

    A short personal epilogue, I once was friendly with a girl who I considered to be out of my league, and indeed who remains in my memory today as the one that got away. I realised two things in retrospect: the first is that she was not nearly as perfect as I thought her to be at the time; the second is that, frankly, I think she was bored of being engaged as a pretty blonde, rather than an intelligent, worldly, charming person. I also realise in retrospect that I didn't give myself enough credit at the time, my personal style was still developing and I was still a bit awkward about my appearance.

    Ah, for a second chance!


    We all have tales of the one that got away, and they're not only of the ones who are "out of our league" but even include the less attractive and less well off. In fact, poetry, music and opera all thrive on the unrequited love theme.

    Choosing or approaching the right women is often a matter of timing and even, sometimes, just dumnb luck. I wouldn't feel bad about missing a single opportunity, as women -- and the opportunity to meet them -- are more numerous than men. We often romanticize about missed opportunities; such is the beauty of fantasy -- it never has to measured in real time.
     
  7. migo

    migo Senior member

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    in mechanical engineering, they're always telling us to define the viewpoint, why not apply that to your 'dating league'? [​IMG]

    In my opinion, no girl is out of your league, it's all a matter of what you think is out of your league, and if you're confident enough to see everyone as in your league, then you've got no problems huh?

    I've always been told that the 'out of league' girls almost always appreciate a decent and confident introduction, so that's wot I try to stick to and it works most of the time [​IMG] .

    remember, what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger: getting rejected the first time will help numb the sting the next time around [​IMG]
     
  8. fatty

    fatty Senior member

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    no one's truly out of your league, i see stunning girls with average guys quite a bit.

    if all else fails, come to australia, there are more women than men and it's like a man-shortage.

    I don't know if i see people as in or out of my league. I don't think women tend to do that as much...
     
  9. trajan

    trajan Senior member

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    no one's truly out of your league, i see stunning girls with average guys quite a bit.

    Out of curiosity, how many ugly girls do you see with attractive guys? (by whatever your criteria is)



    Anyway, personality is very important in a relationship. I couldn't be with a crazy girl (well, depends on crazy [​IMG] ), no matter how beautiful she is, or how attracted I feel to her. If something like this were to happen to me, it would be a great tragedy. [​IMG] Personality, taste, love of life, looks, education, skills (yes, all sorts of skills), are all important. I feel that some if not all things can be improved if the person is willing. (has motivation) The problem is that people do not have enough will to change.

    I'd like to applaud all of you guys, because you're taking active measures to understand, define and improve your style and taste, something that very few people will think to consider, yet something that most people need badly.

    --trajan
     
  10. trajan

    trajan Senior member

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    Out of curiosity, how many ugly girls do you see with attractive guys? (by whatever your criteria is)

    What I wanted to say is... as an MIT alumni, I used to live in a very wierd environment with lots of great, smart guys, many good looking, but socially challanged, and also with lots of women (now the male-female ratio for undergrads is 50-50 and 80-20 for grads), most of which are unattractive and also socially challanged. Well, what happens is that the hot girls could get anyone, the ok ones could still get anyone, and the ugly ones... well, they can't get anyone, not a single one, no matter of the guys' looks. The worse thing that can happen to you is to be an ugly girl. Now, they would be dating out of their league. I can only guess that this can happen to men too -- to be dating out of their league.

    --trajan
     
  11. drizzt3117

    drizzt3117 Senior member

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    Well, what happens is that the hot girls could get anyone, the ok ones could still get anyone, and the ugly ones... well, they can't get anyone, not a single one, no matter of the guys' looks. The worse thing that can happen to you is to be an ugly girl.
    --trajan


    Oh they get some, they're just sworn to secrecy about it. Mopeds, remember?
     
  12. drizzt3117

    drizzt3117 Senior member

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    I still stand by my original statement that it's certainly possible for people to date someone outside of their social/physical/cultural "league" if you want to call it that but it becomes correspondingly more difficult as the relationship persists. I think that long term relationships, especially those involving individuals from two different social or cultural groups are much more challenging to sustain.
     
  13. fatty

    fatty Senior member

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    Out of curiosity, how many ugly girls do you see with attractive guys? (by whatever your criteria is)

    i think women are a tad more desperate than guys. They will pick up if at all they can. I sincerely think that you see less 'ugly' girls with attractive guys than the opposite.

    Also, trajan is right, it's harder being a girl these days because the insecure ones don't know how to make the first move and they really have to 'put out' to get attention.

    Also, my idea of 'ugly' girls is the ones who look like sluts or fashion victims and they usually have boyfriends. But being a girl i rate other girls differently to guys.
     
  14. King Salmon

    King Salmon Senior member

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    Have you ever played porker? It is a game where you go out to a nightclub with your male friends and compete to dance with the fattest chick. Loser pays for drinks. In the end, though, to win is to lose and this is a game with no real winners.
     
  15. Dakota rube

    Dakota rube Senior member

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    Have you ever played porker? It is a game where you go out to a nightclub with your male friends and compete to dance with the fattest chick. Loser pays for drinks. In the end, though, to win is to lose and this is a game with no real winners.
    We played this often, but to actually "win" one had to bring said fat girl home and dance the horizontal mombo with her.[​IMG]
     
  16. GQgeek

    GQgeek Senior member

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    We played this often, but to actually "win" one had to bring said fat girl home and dance the horizontal mombo with her.[​IMG]

    I suppose that if you're considering suicide, but are still on the fence about it, this would be the way to decide in favor of it.
     
  17. fatty

    fatty Senior member

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    i feel bad for laughing at this game
     
  18. Bradford

    Bradford Senior member

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    A few thoughts on this...

    First of all, good-looking, wealthy girls are a dime a dozen... and they're no different than anyone else... so don't put them on a pedestal.

    Secondly, if you start thinking that she's "out of your league" than you're the one putting her there... it's all internal to you... not something she's doing...

    Almost all women are well within range of a decent looking, normal guy (I'm not talking about dating Giselle Bundchen or Pam Anderson or some supermodel, celebrity, I'm talking about real women, no matter how attractive or rich they are). When it comes down to it, it's all about your own self-confidence and how you approach them.

    CT Guy - this woman has obviously given you signs that she is interested... whether or not you act on this is purely your decision based on how committed you are to your current relationship, but it has nothing to do with her being "out of your league".

    The "out of my league" thing is just an excuse that guys use to avoid suffering public and unwanted rejection. Once you learn that, you learn that rejection doesn't matter and must be experienced before you can find success. If you see a girl in whom you are interested, just approach her and talk to her. If she says "no", that's her problem - it doesn't change you and you need to just move on to the next one.
     
  19. seanchai

    seanchai Senior member

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    NICE ONE, BRADFORD! [​IMG]

    I agree with everything you said.
     
  20. Connemara

    Connemara Senior member

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    No wench is out of my league. I am capable of nailing every chick I lay my eyes on.

    [​IMG]
     

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