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Official Wedding Attire Question/Answer/Picture Thread

Discussion in 'Classic Menswear' started by unbelragazzo, Dec 31, 2012.

  1. Veremund

    Veremund Senior member

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    Your English is fine.

    It's not that blue is serious, it's that it just looks much nicer, and you will look nicer. The blue suit you linked to is really great looking!
     
  2. skaurus

    skaurus Member

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    Excellent :)
     
  3. dugdalesghost

    dugdalesghost Member

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    So, my fiance and I are getting married in a few of months. We're having a smallish (65 guests) evening ceremony and dinner/dancing at a local restaurant, which we are renting out for the night.

    My fiance and I have been at odds about his attire since day one, unfortunately. First, he wanted to wear morning dress to the (fairly informal, evening) wedding, which I thought would not be appropriate. Then he bought an awful suit at Tip Top Tailors (the Canadian version of Men's Warehouse, I think), which would have required substantive alterations to look halfway decent. I'm afraid that I freaked out when I saw it and eventually convinced him to (reluctantly) return it. Eventually, with my help, he chose a dark grey wool three piece suit, which fits wonderfully and only requires minor alterations (hemming, cuff adjustment, and very minor waist suppression). He'll look fantastic in it, and admits that it's a much better suit than the one from TTT. Now, though, he wants to express his individuality by wearing either a very brightly coloured shirt or dark red/burgundy one, and and doesn't want to wear a tie to the ceremony (I'd like him to, though I'm fine with him taking it off for the reception). He also isn't too keen on purchasing dress shoes to wear with the suit (he doesn't own any), though I think I may have convinced him that work boots will not look good at a wedding.

    So, dudes. Should I make the coloured shirt and tie issues.... issues? I really don't want to be a bridezilla/overbearing partner/etc. He hasn't told me what I should wear to the wedding, and I feel that I should (have) probably do(ne) the same. But I just cringe when I think of him ruining that suit with the kind of shirt that (I know from experience) he has in mind. Is there a compromise here? Can I approach this in a way that won't make him feel henpecked? Or should I just give up?
     
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2013
  4. Newcomer

    Newcomer Senior member

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    You know, I think that you can only be a bridezilla if you are "wrong," or being irrational. I think that your requirements are incredibly rational. I think you should henpeck away on this. Maybe make some partial concessions? I mean, a burgundy shirt will look heinous. White or light blue would be infinitely better. If the tie is that much of an issue, do away with that. I mean, I would rather have a white shirt and no tie, than a burgundy shirt and a tie. And work boots are also going to be unfortunate. Maybe the best way to do it is take him somewhere nicer to buy a pair of shoes? I feel like a lot of men who are not interested in these sorts of things just have not been exposed to them.

    I went with my parents to New York a few years ago, and we stopped in Leffot. My dad wears flip flops and running shoes every day of his darn life. But you know, going into that store, trying different shoes on, being in a non-pushy environment, etc., really sung to him. He walker out with a pair of cordovan boots, which are his favorite boots that he owns.

    [​IMG]

    If you make it about him, perhaps he will be more willing? And you can always meet him halfway. A pair of Chelseas may be something that he approves?

    [​IMG]

    I think that the best way to go about this is to let him come to his own decision... but with your assistance. I think that you can meet each other halfway.

    I do not think I would let it slide though. This clearly means a lot to you, and twenty years from now, do you really want to see him in a burgundy shirt and workboots?
     
  5. Veremund

    Veremund Senior member

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    Sorry to be blunt, but your fiancé sounds like he lacks any sense of style or propriety. Burgundy shirt? No tie? Work boots? WTF? He wants to express individuality? Then maybe he should stay single. A wedding is the official ceremony where you publicly agree to become more than an individual. And that ceremony deserves, nay, dictates,, that we dress with respect for our spouse to be, our guests, and ourselves. Tell him to grow up and put on a tie and some dress shoes.
     
  6. archibaldleach

    archibaldleach Senior member

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    Congratulations on the upcoming wedding.

    This is a case where your fiancé sounds like he will make awful choices without some intervention. I think this is less a matter of being a bridezilla than saving the man from himself. You're going to have wedding pictures to look at for a very long time and you don't want to cringe every time you look at them. Eventually he'll probably cringe too if he shows up in what he's proposing. There's a correct way to dress for certain types of occasions and I don't think it's unreasonable to expect him to dress appropriately. As far as expressing his individuality, I've never understood why men think wearing an ugly shirt helps them do this. A white or light blue shirt and a conservative tie are things he'll need to own and wear at some point most likely. He might as well start with his own wedding. Same with dress shoes, though I agree that the suggestion to wear some sort of Chelsea boot could be a reasonable compromise.
     
  7. Newcomer

    Newcomer Senior member

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    I agree with all this other advice, and I want to leave one more addition.

    Just like with most things in life, there are ways of expressing your individuality while nonetheless remaining within the confines of social expectations. With your wedding attire, you should strive to do that. Favorite color is blue? Wear blue socks, wear a blue tie? Favorite color is burgundy? Same thing. But just because your favorite color is robin's egg blue, does not mean that your suit should be. He is a boot guy? Get him great pair of dress boots. I have to wear a suit to work. I can express myself through the confines of conservative business dress. I cannot, however, wear overalls to work. Same philosophy with a wedding.

    Also, just a personal note. I do not understand the idea of "expressing your individuality" at your wedding. Maybe it is just me, but I really do not understand it. Aren't you expressing your individuality by choosing your mate?
     
  8. dugdalesghost

    dugdalesghost Member

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    Thanks for your replies. I'm relieved that you don't think I'm being unreasonable.

    Newcomer, I agree that the burgundy/brightly coloured shirt issue is the main concern. Unfortunately, I think that he will be more reluctant to give that idea up than wear a tie or buy new shoes. I like your idea of making it about him, though, and taking him somewhere nice to try a few things on. I really don't want to hurt his feelings any more than they already have been, and would prefer to show him how awesome he would look in a white or light blue shirt, instead of a burgundy one (and have him agree), rather than tell him straight out that he's not wearing a dark, coloured shirt with that suit.

    I think that my fiance is, as you say, one of those men who hasn't really been exposed to nicer clothes or ever thought about what he wears very much. He often identifies well-dressed men on the street, in movies, etc, and says how much he admires their style. However, he doesn't really know how to transfer what he admires to his own wardrobe or envision an outfit as a whole. Perhaps next time, I'll take the opportunity to point out that a lot of the men whose clothes he admires are wearing different color combinations than the ones he typically favours.
     
  9. dugdalesghost

    dugdalesghost Member

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    +1. My wedding dress, while beautiful, doesn't really express who and what I am either, and I hate that so many brides think that wedding dresses need to do so. It's beautifully made, appropriate for the occasion, and suits my body type, which is more than enough. It's just a dress.

    Honestly, if my wedding was really an expression of who I am, we would have eloped. Oh well. Despite our sartorial differences, I love my guy to bits and would still marry him if he were wearing burgundy, haha. I doubt I'd ever look at the photos, though.
     
  10. dugdalesghost

    dugdalesghost Member

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    Thanks also for the Chelsea boot suggestions! He prefers boots, and I think he would definitely go for a nice pair if he tried them on.
     
  11. Newcomer

    Newcomer Senior member

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    The burgundy and brightly colored shirt is a concern. It is one that really will mess up the whole thing. I have a couple different ideas. First, you could offer him the option of a "wardrobe change." For the wedding itself, keep it traditional, white or blue shirt. Then for the reception, allow him to do the burgundy shirt / tieless thing. I think he would probably be OK with that.

    And I think that you have the right idea. Women have their ways to make a man feel good. Take him shopping, and splurge a little bit on a shirt. Make it your treat. I think most guys are afraid of looking like they 'care,' or, even worse, looking like they care about how they dress and get called out on it. I think that there is more than enough room for some middle ground. Take the suit with you as well, so that he can actually see what he looks like. You know how women pick out a blouse, hold it up against them, try it on with something that is close to what they would wear with it, see how it works with their complexion, etc.? Men don't do that. Heck, I don't do that. If I see a pattern that I like, in colors I like, I buy the shirt. And sometimes... it sits in my closet because I realize I own NOTHING that it works with. That is what men do. So bring the suit, go to a nice men's store, and buy him something you both agree on. I think he will respect your veto power, the same way you will respect his veto power. You have to nudge guys into this sort of thing, not go whole hog.
     
  12. Newcomer

    Newcomer Senior member

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    What price range are you thinking for all of this? That would help with suggestions.

    For boots, I know I will catch some flack for suggesting this, but I think it is a reasonable compromise--check out RM Williams or Rider Boots. Both of them make great boots, and heck, they will be better work boots than the ones he currently owns.
     
  13. msulinski

    msulinski Senior member

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  14. dugdalesghost

    dugdalesghost Member

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    Thanks, Newcomer. Those are great suggestions. I agree that bringing the suit along and nudging, rather than going whole hog, is the right way to go. The dress change option might work, too.

    I typically spend a fair amount on quality dress shoes for myself (classic black pumps, that sort of thing), and am totally willing to spend the same or more on him. Anything up to about the 600 dollar range would be fine, as he really does need them (we have a lot of other people's weddings coming up, for instance) and he would probably get use out of them for several years. He has only had really cheap dress shoes before, and I think would be more enthused about them if they were comfortable.
     
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2013
  15. MrDaniels

    MrDaniels Senior member

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    If you are taking what you are wearing to the wedding seriously, then he needs to as well. If he does not have a lot of knowledge on this topic, he should let you dress him so that his outfit meshes with how you envision the wedding.
     
  16. culverwood

    culverwood Senior member

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    No flack from me they are good suggestions.
     
  17. skaurus

    skaurus Member

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    Ok, thanks. Blue then :)
     
  18. babygreenspots

    babygreenspots Senior member

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    Medium purple and mauve are the only acceptable colors for daytime weddings.
     
  19. skaurus

    skaurus Member

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    Umm? Is it for me?
    Several gentlemen just told me that most appropriate colors for winter wedding are mid-gray and blue [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Jul 5, 2013
  20. msulinski

    msulinski Senior member

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    Quote:Medium purple and mauve what? Tie? Suit? Shirt?
    I guess it really doesn't matter, since whatever your answer, it is wrong anyway.
     

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