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Obligated to ask a girl out?

likeitaloud

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Wow how insecure are you. You are not obligated to do anything, even if she is expecting it you still have the upper hand because now she wants you don't neccesarily want her.

If you want to ask her just say: me and my now ex girlfriend used to go rockclimbing a lot, do you do a lot of active stuff with your boyfriend? - Something in this fashion.
 

B1FF

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Originally Posted by merkur
If you asked a dateable straight female acquaintance if she had a boyfriend and the answer was "no", are you then kind of obligated to follow up the original question by asking her out because she'd probably expect you to (if you yourself are a single straight guy) even though you only asked the question to test the waters out? Are there better ways to enquire about someone's dating eligiblity without committing yourself?


Ask her out? You are almost obligated to marry her at this point.
 

x26

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Originally Posted by likeitaloud
Wow how insecure are you. You are not obligated to do anything, even if she is expecting it you still have the upper hand because now she wants you don't neccesarily want her.

If you want to ask her just say: me and my now ex girlfriend used to go rockclimbing a lot, do you do a lot of active stuff with your boyfriend? - Something in this fashion.


.......
 

likeitaloud

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Originally Posted by merkur
Thanks, I like that line; I'll modify it for my own use of course.

Glad I could help
 

BrettChaotix

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I agree with Likeitaloud, at that point even if she's not interested in you she's still going to be expecting you to ask her out or at the least, step up the flirting a bit. if you don't proceed that way she may become very self conscious and what she did wrong to make you stop your pursuit.

HOWEVER if you wait too long, dance around the question too much or ask it too late you may come off as being too nervous to actually ask her out.
 

AlMex

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Originally Posted by likeitaloud
Wow how insecure are you. You are not obligated to do anything, even if she is expecting it you still have the upper hand because now she wants you don't neccesarily want her.

If you want to ask her just say: me and my now ex girlfriend used to go rockclimbing a lot, do you do a lot of active stuff with your boyfriend? - Something in this fashion.


Oh my goodness, you guys! This post FINALLY made me register just so I could respond. There is no difference between this (transparent) line and a straight forward question regarding her availability. Actually, as a member of the fairer sex, I would have to say I would prefer the straight forward question and, yes, I would expect some sort of social invitation to follow after confirmation that I was available.

This information should really be obtained by discretely asking those connected to her whom might be privvy to information of this sort.

I will tell you, if I were single (married now 12 years) and received this inquiry with no follow up invitation (i.e. a proposed get together with the one inquiring or a follow up discussion of the merits of their brother, son, coworker, etc.) I would start to wonder. What goes through a woman's mind is either one of two things, 1) Sweet! I think you're kind of interesting myself! (Wait, my children tell me sweet is no longer okay to say.) or 2) Oh please, oh please, oh please don't ask me out. If it is the latter, you would have likely heard about her wonderful committed relationship anyway. We're not usually that dense to proclaim availability to those we are not interested in.

If it is the former, and is NOT followed up by a social invitation or offer of introduction, you are going to have a problem. Ever heard that line about a woman scorned? Well, that would apply here, I realize you haven't actually scorned her but as time passes and no invitation materializes (time = greater than 15 minutes) irritation will most assuredly set in.

So, my advice, ask around regarding her availability. If word gets back to her, that is okay. If you do plan on asking her out, be sure to do the asking within a week of the asking around. (That woman scorned thing.) Otherwise, just stalk her from a distance


Ali
 

Flambeur

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Originally Posted by AlMex
Oh my goodness, you guys! This post FINALLY made me register just so I could respond. There is no difference between this (transparent) line and a straight forward question regarding her availability. Actually, as a member of the fairer sex, I would have to say I would prefer the straight forward question and, yes, I would expect some sort of social invitation to follow after confirmation that I was available.

This information should really be obtained by discretely asking those connected to her whom might be privvy to information of this sort.

I will tell you, if I were single (married now 12 years) and received this inquiry with no follow up invitation (i.e. a proposed get together with the one inquiring or a follow up discussion of the merits of their brother, son, coworker, etc.) I would start to wonder. What goes through a woman's mind is either one of two things, 1) Sweet! I think you're kind of interesting myself! (Wait, my children tell me sweet is no longer okay to say.) or 2) Oh please, oh please, oh please don't ask me out. If it is the latter, you would have likely heard about her wonderful committed relationship anyway. We're not usually that dense to proclaim availability to those we are not interested in.

If it is the former, and is NOT followed up by a social invitation or offer of introduction, you are going to have a problem. Ever heard that line about a woman scorned? Well, that would apply here, I realize you haven't actually scorned her but as time passes and no invitation materializes (time = greater than 15 minutes) irritation will most assuredly set in.

So, my advice, ask around regarding her availability. If word gets back to her, that is okay. If you do plan on asking her out, be sure to do the asking within a week of the asking around. (That woman scorned thing.) Otherwise, just stalk her from a distance


Ali


You're a crazy bitch, I'm glad you're off the market.
 

sho'nuff

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Originally Posted by AlMex
Oh my goodness, you guys! This post FINALLY made me register just so I could respond. There is no difference between this (transparent) line and a straight forward question regarding her availability. Actually, as a member of the fairer sex, I would have to say I would prefer the straight forward question and, yes, I would expect some sort of social invitation to follow after confirmation that I was available.

This information should really be obtained by discretely asking those connected to her whom might be privvy to information of this sort.

I will tell you, if I were single (married now 12 years) and received this inquiry with no follow up invitation (i.e. a proposed get together with the one inquiring or a follow up discussion of the merits of their brother, son, coworker, etc.) I would start to wonder. What goes through a woman's mind is either one of two things, 1) Sweet! I think you're kind of interesting myself! (Wait, my children tell me sweet is no longer okay to say.) or 2) Oh please, oh please, oh please don't ask me out. If it is the latter, you would have likely heard about her wonderful committed relationship anyway. We're not usually that dense to proclaim availability to those we are not interested in.

If it is the former, and is NOT followed up by a social invitation or offer of introduction, you are going to have a problem. Ever heard that line about a woman scorned? Well, that would apply here, I realize you haven't actually scorned her but as time passes and no invitation materializes (time = greater than 15 minutes) irritation will most assuredly set in.

So, my advice, ask around regarding her availability. If word gets back to her, that is okay. If you do plan on asking her out, be sure to do the asking within a week of the asking around. (That woman scorned thing.) Otherwise, just stalk her from a distance


Ali



nice first post.

welcome Ali
 

nordicstyle

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Originally Posted by AlMex
Oh my goodness, you guys! This post FINALLY made me register just so I could respond. There is no difference between this (transparent) line and a straight forward question regarding her availability. Actually, as a member of the fairer sex, I would have to say I would prefer the straight forward question and, yes, I would expect some sort of social invitation to follow after confirmation that I was available.

I disagree. If you can ask the question as a natural part of a conversation, it's easier to "mask" it as "innocent" smalltalk. For example, one may ask a girl how she lives (i.e. alone, with a flatmate or a boyfriend). The fact that I ask a girl if she's living with someone does not necessarily mean that I am attracted to her, or wish to ask her out on a date. Maybe I'm simply interested in knowing how much it costs to live in her area and if it's affordable to do so alone, or if it requires a flatmate to share the expenses with. Also, when you use a smalltalk question to find out someone availability, it's much easier to steer the conversation in either direction, depending on their answer.

That being said, pulling this off without the other person noticing does require some skill.

And, a comment to the original poster: if you don't want to ask her out, or are not interested in her, why do you care if she's single or not? Unless the subject comes up naturally during conversation, I don't really see why you would ask.

On the other hand, if you do want to go out with her, why not just ask her out on a date, or tell her you would like to get together sometime? If she's taken, she will simply tell you so, and if she's not, but don't want to go out with you, she will probably just tell you she has a boyfriend, or come up with some other excuse. Not much you can do about that anyway...
 

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