• Hi, I am the owner and main administrator of Styleforum. If you find the forum useful and fun, please help support it by buying through the posted links on the forum. Our main, very popular sales thread, where the latest and best sales are listed, are posted HERE

    Purchases made through some of our links earns a commission for the forum and allows us to do the work of maintaining and improving it. Finally, thanks for being a part of this community. We realize that there are many choices today on the internet, and we have all of you to thank for making Styleforum the foremost destination for discussions of menswear.
  • This site contains affiliate links for which Styleforum may be compensated.
  • We would like to welcome House of Huntington as an official Affiliate Vendor. Shop past season Drake's, Nigel Cabourn, Private White V.C. and other menswear luxury brands at exceptional prices below retail. Please visit the Houise of Huntington thread and welcome them to the forum.

  • STYLE. COMMUNITY. GREAT CLOTHING.

    Bored of counting likes on social networks? At Styleforum, you’ll find rousing discussions that go beyond strings of emojis.

    Click Here to join Styleforum's thousands of style enthusiasts today!

    Styleforum is supported in part by commission earning affiliate links sitewide. Please support us by using them. You may learn more here.

Nice guy's lament

LA Guy

Opposite Santa
Admin
Moderator
Supporting Member
Joined
Mar 8, 2002
Messages
57,373
Reaction score
36,214
Originally Posted by Fuuma
All relationship advice given on sf is dumb thread material. I'm fually convinced that everyone in here learned about women from Howard Stern, porno and dating guides.

The exact ratio of Stern to Appreciation to Dating Guides that informs individual members is what makes these threads interesting though. And occasionally, some dude draws heavily from "Chicken Soup for the Sensitive Soul".
 

eg1

Distinguished Member
Joined
Jan 22, 2007
Messages
5,570
Reaction score
29
Originally Posted by celery
And then, you asked, "What do you want for dinner?"

And she replied, "I don't care, you pick."

Which secretly means, "Actually I do care what we have for dinner, and you better pick something I want to eat without me telling you. But because you picked it, if I don't like it, made me sick or it's something that will make me feel fat or like I gained weight next month, then I can easily blame you instead of myself. Also, you should know all the things I like and dislike by now and if you don't, it means you don't care about me you insensitive jerk face! And if you don't pick, then I'll be annoyed while simultaneously ignoring my own hypocrisy that I didn't want to pick. Don't point it out to me though unless you want me to throw a fit and argue over nothing. By the way, I'm hungry, and when I'm hungry I make even less sense then usual when I argue with you. So just pick something already and be a man you stupid, spineless twat!"


worship.gif
 

Kohan

Senior Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2008
Messages
221
Reaction score
0
Okay, let's differentiate here between "nice" and "wuss".

I am a nice guy. I'm charming and polite, and I like doing things to help people that don't benefit myself. That does not, in any possible context, mean that I am a wuss. Being a romantic doesn't make you a sap.

To GS: The point of a serious relationship, at least for me at this point, isn't to find my soul mate, wife-to-be, whatever, but rather to develop a genuine connection with another human being--particularly a beautiful human being of the opposite sex. I go to a university that's chock-full of remarkable people, so when I meet a beautiful girl there's at least a decent chance that she's worth talking to. Why settle for meaningless sex (which inevitably gets old) when you can actually relate to somebody?

And age is a number, in my case a fairly meaningless one, and I refer to "nice girls" in lieu of a full psychological profile because that would be somewhat ridiculous. We're talking generally here.

Thanks to all of you who put up your personal insight, it helps us younger guys to learn from our elders' experiences. I tip my hat.

Okay to kill the thread now, if no one else wants/needs to have a say. Much Peace.

JMC
 

tagutcow

Distinguished Member
Joined
Nov 29, 2006
Messages
9,220
Reaction score
625
Somehow, I think one of my pieces of creative composition from a few years back would be apropos here.

Caesar Millan: Dog Whisperer: ~SECRETS~
\t
I am a Caesar Millan: Dog Whisperer. No, I am not a dog trainer and I am
not a dog psychologist- nor for that matter will I channel your dear
Smooshie from the next world- I am a dog behaviorist. I guess I could help
you win blue ribbon for every golly-gee-whiz doggie stunt competition at
any county fair; I could, if I wanted to, but I don't.

But when your dog is behaving erratically, lunging at strangers, biting
at your heels when you try to leave the house, I blow in like a zephyr
from an exotic land, done up in a Gap shirt and bleached at the tips, and
lay down some science to correct the dog behavior problem at hand.

Tuesday's assignment: "Belle just mopes around the house all day. When
it's time for her walk, she refuses to budge," the woman sitting across
from me explains. Thousands of television viewers can see the way she
touches her hair when she talks to me, the way she stifles her nervous
laughter whenever I make a joke; this is apparent to everyone-- everyone
except her husband. You can bet your bottom dollar, the Caesar banged her.

Caesar doesn't doubt that when these uniformly barren dog women- whose
uniformly schlubby husbands apparently at one point tried going metro, but
never could never quite navigate their way back to either shore- first
receive the mailing informing them that National Geographic's Caesar
Millan will be visiting them, the very name plants a seed in their minds,
leaving them battling adulterous fantasies of wild mediterranean romance;
yet it is my porcelain, non-threatening asiatic features that disarms
them, leaves them... vulnerable. Let me let you in on a little secret
around here: the Caesar bangs all of the dog women.

I explain the basics to her: you must choke the dog's head upwards when
he is lagging behind and you must only show affection when the dog is in a
submissive state. My advice to these people is always the same: dog
problems come from dog unhappiness, and dog unhappiness comes not from
lack of accommodation but rather from lack of assertiveness. When you have
mastered the behavior of the dog, you are 90% to having mastered the
behavior of the woman?

Friday's assignment: The Gautier family and their Labrador retriever,
Sasha. Jeanne Gautier- a freshly menopausal little number- brings me and
my crew out back; tagging along behind us is her fat schlub of a husband
Troy who looks kind of like Edward Herrmann as a glassy-eyed acid
casualty. She points to her dog out in the yard, running around in circles
for minutes on end. "Our dog Sasha has a tail-chasing problem," she
explains.

"What a coincidence," I think secretly to myself, "so does the Caesar dog."
 

lance konami

Distinguished Member
Joined
May 7, 2006
Messages
1,284
Reaction score
17
Originally Posted by JoelMichael37
This is a question for the multitude of classy gents on this forum who also happen to be nice guys.

We've all, at one point or another, been tempted to commit some horribly destructive act upon watching the feminine objects of our desires walk off with some guy who is, gently speaking, an ass. Nice guys must all learn at some point that treating women like gold doesn't guarantee you anything beyond a "favorable mention" in their mental rolodex, but we stubborn/naiive/hopelessly romantic ones have a hard time changing our ways.

So here's my question: At what point in your lives did the nice girls you were attempting to woo realize that nice guys were actually worth their time and affection? Is it a sudden epiphany, or more of a gradual development?

Candid answers appreciated, obnoxious quips distinctly less so.

Thanks much,

JMC


And now for the answer you don't want to hear...

Women never "learn" that so-called nice guys are "worth their time and affection" because they aren't worth their time and affection. Nice guys are spineless and extremely manipulative. "Treating a woman like gold" and kissing their ass and accommodating every ridiculous demand of theirs and basically never saying 'no' to them, like what most "nice guys" do is not nice. It's weak and manipulative and women know they are being manipulative because women do the exact same thing in order to get what they want from men. They see right through it. They recognize your so-called "nice" behavior as manipulative behavior on a deeper level.
 

odoreater

Distinguished Member
Joined
Mar 2, 2005
Messages
8,587
Reaction score
45
TBH, you don't sound like a nice guy - you sound like you might be a bit of a douche.
 

lance konami

Distinguished Member
Joined
May 7, 2006
Messages
1,284
Reaction score
17
Originally Posted by thinman
I agree with the basic premise, but have a slightly different take on the situation. Girls who date assholes are not only attracted to confidence (more often feigned than real), they also want excitement in their lives and "bad boys" provide it. It happens because most of these girls lack self-esteem, so they put up with far more crap than anyone should and are unwilling to wait for a great guy, or sometimes even a decent guy, because they get an ego boost from being with an exciting, "confident" guy. I now take a close look at boyfriends and former boyfriends to judge a woman's self-esteem. I won't waste my time with someone who has a history of dating "bad boys" because women usually don't get over this until sometime in their 30's. By that time, they have a couple kids and assorted emotional baggage after being used and abused by the guys they found so exciting. Unfortunately, women with real self-esteem are rare in my life right now, but I'm still looking. Edit: The bottom line is, it's a numbers game and girls attracted to assholes are fundamentally flawed and aren't worth your time. You deserve better and your time is better spent looking elsewhere. Forget them and move on ASAP.
Blaming women's attraction to bad boys on low self esteem is a very typical male answer. Of course, it's not true, but the explanation provides comfort to men who aren't "bad boys." If you think that women somehow stop being excited by bad boys as they get older, you're living in a delusion. They might pick a different type to settle down with, but they'll still find the bad boys attractive, and they'll still fantasize about them . Do you honestly think that Mr. Nice guy who's idea of adventure is a trip to Saks Fifth Avenue and lunch at the Ivy is going to really excite a woman more than the reckless badass who drives a loud motorcycle who's idea of adventure is a good hard **** in a slightly public place with his girl? Please. There's a reason why romance novels feature a bold and perhaps dangerous man over a goody two shoes, church going Ned Flanders type. Most women have low self esteem primarily because they're taught that men don't really want to be with them. They're taught that they just want them for sex. There's a little bit more going on underneath it all to simply reduce it to "women who are attracted to assholes are fundamentally flawed and aren't worth your time" because most women, particularly American women are flawed. But so are men. It's true that there are women who only find bonafide assholes attractive, but most women are certainly attracted to "bad boys" or basically just men who are strong and provocative, not groveling, crying pussies.
 

gdl203

Purveyor of the Secret Sauce
Affiliate Vendor
Dubiously Honored
Supporting Member
Joined
Jun 9, 2005
Messages
45,595
Reaction score
54,357
How old are you Lance Konami?
 

Augusto86

Sean Penn's Mexican love child
Joined
Oct 4, 2004
Messages
6,627
Reaction score
0
Originally Posted by lance konami
Blaming women's attraction to bad boys on low self esteem is a very typical male answer. Of course, it's not true, but the explanation provides comfort to men who aren't "bad boys." If you think that women somehow stop being excited by bad boys as they get older, you're living in a delusion. They might pick a different type to settle down with, but they'll still find the bad boys attractive, and they'll still fantasize about them . Do you honestly think that Mr. Nice guy who's idea of adventure is a trip to Saks Fifth Avenue and lunch at the Ivy is going to really excite a woman more than the reckless badass who drives a loud motorcycle who's idea of adventure is a good hard **** in a slightly public place with his girl? Please. There's a reason why romance novels feature a bold and perhaps dangerous man over a goody two shoes, church going Ned Flanders type.

Most women have low self esteem primarily because they're taught that men don't really want to be with them. They're taught that they just want them for sex. There's a little bit more going on underneath it all to simply reduce it to "women who are attracted to assholes are fundamentally flawed and aren't worth your time" because most women, particularly American women are flawed. But so are men. It's true that there are women who only find bonafide assholes attractive, but most women are certainly attracted to "bad boys" or basically just men who are strong and provocative, not groveling, crying pussies.


What if you take them on your motorcycle to Saks and then **** them in the bathroom of the Ivy?
 

Get Smart

Don't Crink
Joined
Oct 27, 2004
Messages
12,102
Reaction score
271
FWIW I think Lance makes some great points, even if his delivery is a bit brusque

to the OP....chicks don't change much over time so dont expect them to suddenly "open their eyes" and realize what a great guy you are.

somewhere out there are many girls who have a similar outlook as you and want an equivalent "nice guy", but you'll also find many of them want the same thing as you, just not *with you*
 

j

(stands for Jerk)
Admin
Spamminator Moderator
Joined
Feb 17, 2002
Messages
14,663
Reaction score
105
Originally Posted by Augusto86
What if you take them on your motorcycle to Saks and then **** them in the bathroom of the Ivy?
lookaround.gif
Wu-tang!
 

Thracozaag

Distinguished Member
Joined
Aug 24, 2002
Messages
3,093
Reaction score
9
1. Sometimes, for once, everything seems to be going your way. This only means that there's something you're overlooking.

2. I'm beginning to think that love is nothing but pain we don't want to let go of, and desire nothing but suffering with a focal point and a silhouette.

3. Nice guys don't finish last- this would mean they're actually in the race.

4. You know when you look and look, and you find the right person for the right reason? You're the only one who thinks that.

5. Does love conquer all? No. Just you. And anything you happened to be feeling, hoping, or aspiring.
 

Featured Sponsor

How important is full vs half canvas to you for heavier sport jackets?

  • Definitely full canvas only

    Votes: 55 36.2%
  • Half canvas is fine

    Votes: 59 38.8%
  • Really don't care

    Votes: 17 11.2%
  • Depends on fabric

    Votes: 26 17.1%
  • Depends on price

    Votes: 26 17.1%

Forum statistics

Threads
505,152
Messages
10,578,810
Members
223,881
Latest member
nor77man
Top