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Nerd dating

Discussion in 'Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel' started by norcaltransplant, Sep 17, 2004.

  1. vero_group

    vero_group Senior member

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    Allow me to elaborate, based on my 20/20 hindsight of college. If you are a "nerd", as you say you are, you are likely smarter than 95% of the women you are attempting to have conversation with. Therefore, based on 20/20 hindsight, I advise that instead of focusing on trying to have good conversation with these women, focus on having good sex with these women. You'll find plenty of good conversation with women later AFTER college. Right now, let your and her hormones do the talking. In college, many women WANT to have sex. For this reason, some of the best sex you will ever have in your life you will have in college, 'cause, man, once you get married, it can all change on you -- very little sex, but plenty of great conversation, assuming you married the right woman for you.

    I was very likely a "nerd" just like you in college, but I never viewed myself that way. I was extremely studious and by no means popular or active in student government or anything. But, I had just as much or more to offer than the jocks, frat boys, or Mr. Populars. Whether or not some women recognized that at the time was their problem, not mine. Some women recognized this, and we had a great, not-very-intellectual time together. Finally, in my junior year, I met a woman far smarter than me and we got pretty serious (plus had even better sex). Come graduation, we recognized that college is not reality and decided that we had to not go further with our relationship because we had divergent career aspirations (two Type A's with career aspirations is hard to manage in a young marriage). After college when we were still single young professionals, we met up on business travel if our paths were scheduled to cross and had more great sex. Now, I'm married. Now, she's married. And it ain't to each other. For that, we are both happy. We are different and it took years of growth to recognize that we probably would not have been happy together in the long run if we had done something stupid like gotten married in our early twenties. But, boy, do we have great memories of great sex in college. Remember, NOW IS THE TIME to do it doggie-style on the roof of the Administration building with the skyline of the city glimmering in front of both of you -- it will be much harder to do that after graduation.

    So, net/net, I advise you to contain your intellectual conversation in college to yourself, your professors, and your guy friends, and go have fun with the women on your campus. Most likely, fun is more of what they are looking for in this time of their life anyway. Don't bore them to tears with intellectual dribble when they would rather jump your bones. Focus on biology, not physics.
     
  2. imageWIS

    imageWIS Senior member

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    Hmm, I will agree with vero group that perhaps one can just muddle through worthless, insipid conversation in a relationship so one can achieve the final goal of (hopefully) great sex. Now all this depends on how much shit (pardon my French; Ernest pardon my use of the word French [​IMG]) you are willing to put up with to reach your final goal. My current limit regarding a relationship is drug use. And I don't mean Turkish heroin, I'm talking about pot. Since I do not partake in any drug-related activities (well, alcohol...which technically is a drug) it is kind of hard to be with a girl (um, I mean young woman) who wants to stay alone get stoned and then (for lack of a better term) fuck. Granted, I'm all for the latter, but I shan't partake in the former. Unfortunately the amount of people on drugs is staggering (even to my open-mindedness). Whilst I take a laissez-faire attitude regarding other peoples drug use, I don't endorse my own. Baring that aforementioned snafu, I can talk to anyone about almost anything and my stubbornness and competitive edge allows me to discuss whatever is the topic of conversation for hours on end. At the same time, my interest are ever ranging and I can always find something in common with other people, as mush as I might like a particular subject, it is just a scratch at the surface of my interests and knowledge (which in return can be attributed to an almost photographic memory). I can go from baroque to rap music in a single conversation without any concern, as both are of interest to me and can easily handle either topic with ease, which I guess is the ultimate trick, to always find something you can talk about that will lead to a good enough conversation in which, you are not bored to tears, but she is in an interested enough mood, that afterwards will allow you to take certain "˜liberties'. Jon.
     
  3. LA Guy

    LA Guy Opposite Santa Staff Member Admin Moderator

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    In college and grad school, I found that the two subjects were not mutually incompatible. Just realize yourself that there are no perfect women, and appreciate them for what they have to offer. They'll reciprocate. I don't really agree with vero, whose personality I would assume many women would find a little intense. But I guess some women like that - who can account for taste? BTW, don't take on a "project". At the beginning, it might be cute, but inevitably, you'll be frustrated, and she'll be resentful.
     
  4. vero_group

    vero_group Senior member

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    Hmmm. I think I must have more of a pornographic memory. [​IMG]
     
  5. imageWIS

    imageWIS Senior member

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    (imageWIS @ 22 Sep. 2004, 09:19) (which in return can be attributed to an almost photographic memory).
    Hmmm. I think I must have more of a pornographic memory. [​IMG]
    Don't get me wrong, I remember porn too. [​IMG] Jon.
     
  6. imageWIS

    imageWIS Senior member

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    Actually now that I think about it, I have the perfect anecdote regarding what we are discussing: The night before I left NY from my 5-day trip earlier this month, I was scheduled to go to my cousin's friend's birthday party at around 10:00 pm (some club, it sucked, but the night got better afterwards, CU has one nice student body [​IMG] ), thus I found myself dining alone at Serafina Fabulous Grill, which was about a 1 ½ minute walk away from my hotel (I stayed at The Regency on Park & 61st) and was sitting next to some guy in his late 30's - late 40's (the restaurant is pretty dark, and you can never tell nowadays anyway) who was having dinner with a pretty young woman (probably half his age, and with a eastern European accent), and I happened to listen to part of their conversation; and what really caught my attention was this part: Man: So, you know who I played tennis with today? Woman: Who? Man: Rupert Murdoch's ex-wife Woman: Blank Stare Man: Do you know who Rupert Murdoch is? Woman: Blank Stare, then: "No" Man: He owns News Corp Woman: Blank Stare Man: News Corp owns Fox, the TV channel? Woman: Oh. Man: Anyways, he is a really wealthy man and I played tennis today with his ex-wife Woman: Wait, who did she divorce? Man: Rupert Murdoch, he owns News Corp... At which point I tuned out because I was almost sure that I had lost a few million brain cells and needed to keep my ear from bleeding unto my Polo Pink Pony shirt (it is white, after all&#33[​IMG], then after a while I tuned back in out of curiosity and there was almost a word-by-word recapitulation of the Murdoch conversation. My point? Looks don't always go with brains (although sometimes you get lucky, but don't count on it)...and some people are fucking morons. Jon.
     
  7. GQgeek

    GQgeek Senior member

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    Must we revive this thread?
     
  8. vero_group

    vero_group Senior member

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    Don't get me wrong -- I am not advocating that you have a large quantity of sex with 20 to 30 women in college. I am advocating having high quality sex with 1 to 5 women in college. Â Just don't expect these women to be your dream women who you're going to fall in love with and have a mature relationship. Odds are, you won't. You're likely too young and don't know yourself well enough at this point in your life to have a mature relationship. I didn't have a real, mature relationship until I was 30 or so because that's how long it took me to figure out just what the hell I wanted out of my life. Today, by the way, is my 35th birthday... And man, don't fall into the typical faulty male logic of working hard right now with hopes of making lots of money after graduation that will attract lots of women who will give you lots of sex. It didn't happen that way for me. I was too busy working and travelling on business after college to even date, much less get much sex. Heck, come to think of it, I didn't have much time to spend all the money I was making either, it just went into savings and investments. Again, hindsight being 20/20, I recommend working less and HAVING FUN now -- you'll be focused on your career pretty heavily after school, putting in long hours as you start at the bottom rung of the ladder in your company / industry. During this time, finding the time and energy for dating women may be challenging for you. More than likely, the women you'll be sleeping with then will be "convenience" women you work with on your project teams at work, and boy can that ever get messy quick and cause headaches and dilemmas. Whatever you do -- don't sleep with a client. My $0.02: Get as much out of your system -- literally and figuratively speaking -- as you can RIGHT NOW while you are in college and the picking is ripe. Â [​IMG]
     
  9. LA Guy

    LA Guy Opposite Santa Staff Member Admin Moderator

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    A huge miscalculation. I firmly believe that the way you choose to live now is the way you'll choose to live in the future. A guy doesn't devote his life to making partner/tenure/lots of cash, and having achieved that goal, suddenly change priorities and become a fun-loving, easy-going, what will be will be guy. For starters, there is always the next million/the prestigious prize/the senior partnership to chase. Do you think that Warren Buffet or Bill Gates need to work another day in their lives? They work because that is what they do. And the next thing is that you really don't want to attract a bunch of golddiggers in any case, and the professional and especially artistic and academic women are not likely to be overly attracted to your big bucks. They may have some of their own, or in the case of artists and academics, may sort of look down on men who believe strongly in the value of wealth building.
     
  10. Kai

    Kai Senior member

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    If you're still in school, maybe you should just take (or audit) some interesting elective classes and see if you can find your dream girl there.

    It worked for me. I met my wife in an undergrad honors physics seminar.
     
  11. GQgeek

    GQgeek Senior member

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    Stop reading this thread.
     
  12. Huntsman

    Huntsman Senior member

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    You an INTJ, GQgeek? I ask as you seem not dissimilar to me.

    Regards,
    Huntsman
     
  13. GQgeek

    GQgeek Senior member

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  14. vero_group

    vero_group Senior member

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    I am an 'INTJ'. My wife uses the Myers-Briggs Temperment schemes almost every day in assessing jurors as a trial and jury consultant. It's a handy tool.

    You should know that being an I = Introvert has nothing to do with being good or bad with people socially. It is about from where you get your energy. If you are E = Extrovert, you tend to get your energy from other people. If you are I = Introvert, you tend to get your energy from your own ideas.

    I am an 'I' who runs an office of ~75 people -- people coming in and out of my office with problems all day long. I have to be good with people to do that successfully. But, man, by the end of the day, I just want to come home and spend time by myself for a while so that I can get re-energized via my own ideas. 30 minutes to an hour later, I am ready to re-engage in conversation and spend time with my wife. That's the pattern we've worked out for us. She's an 'ENFP'.

    By the way, you cannot just read the Myers-Briggs descriptions on the Internet and then call yourself an 'INTJ' or whatever. You will tend to pick the one you WANT to be, not what you really ARE. It is estimated that less than 3% of U.S. citizens are INTJs. We can't all be on this board. Instead, take a Myers-Briggs test in whole to find out what your tendencies are. A psychologist should administer it to you and help you interpret the results. That's the way it is designed to be used.
     
  15. vero_group

    vero_group Senior member

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    GQGeek, If you want to get involved with finance, I highly recommend getting involved with the Chartered Financial Analyst Program at http://www.CFAInstitute.org. It will kick your ass and teach you what you need to know to be truly knowledgeable about finance. I'm starting a hedge fund and am aiming for the CFA to make me smarter and more marketable as a money manager to HNWI and institutions. I've passed Level I, but recently failed Level II (only 32% passed it this year). It's back to the books for me...
     
  16. drizzt3117

    drizzt3117 Senior member

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    CFA is definitely a good certification for Finance. I knew quite a few people who were taking it while I was finishing my MBA and many didn't pass, those that did said it helped their career search dramatically.

    I'm a classic ENTJ, and have been on a management track since leaving undergrad...
     
  17. GQgeek

    GQgeek Senior member

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    I fully intend to do the CFA. I'm gonna start studying for it sometime next year so that I can start writing the tests as soon as I graduate.
     
  18. vero_group

    vero_group Senior member

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    Good. You've got the right approach. Know that it is a long term investment in yourself.
     
  19. globetrotter

    globetrotter Senior member

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    my 2 cents worth.... I spent years being very bad at dating, basically a total loser in the women department. I am witty, intelligent, funny, dependable, I was in a very good position financially, very well travelled and in the very top point of the curve in terms of physical strength. On the flip side, I worked very long hours, traveled half the month, was extremly cold, 5 foot 5, and (in the most generous terms possible) pudgy. The work that I do, while people will always say "that sounds fascinating" is not very interesting at all to hear about.

    When I decided that it was enough and that I wanted to settle down, I went about it in a strategic manner - first I worked hard on my weight, and I "softened" my wardrobe to look more warm and soft, less fearsome. Then I prepared basically a "dating plan" - I identified a number of stories that I have that show me in a certain, attractive, light, and prepared segways into each. the idea here is that you need to show off your attractiveness quickly in a date, without looking like a fool or braggart. so if you end up with the conversation leading you to great funny stories that don't make you look attractive, then you aren't doing your job. then I joined 2 different dating services - one relativly cheap that gave me access to dozens of names a month, and one more expensive that was supposed to find very good fits. and I told all of my friends' girlfriends or wives that I was intersted in somebody serious.

    I went on a huge amount of first dates, adjusting my criteria as I went, and pretty quickly met the woman I later married. Frankly, she is very very different from the women I dated 2 or 3 years before, but we have been married a while and we are pretty much the happiest couple that I know.


    I think that the basics are

    1. make yourself as attractive as possible
    2. remember that a first date is a sales call - from the second on that isn't the case, you have to want to be there, but the first date is all about you showing yourself in a good light, without seeming to.
    3. constantly rethink what is really important to you in a woman, your needs change.
     
  20. Bradford

    Bradford Senior member

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    OK - I posted in your other thread, so I thought I might try to give some constructive advice here.

    GQ Geek - Have you thought about doing some volunteer work or getting involved in a support group at one of the museums. I'm sure that many of the museums in NYC have leagues or society's you can join. Generally groups like this help raise money for the museum, i.e. a Contemporary Forum at the art museum would raise money to support the Contemporary Art collection. It would be my guess that you would not meet many uneducated people in this way.

    Also - I highly advocate volunteering. Find a cause about which you are passionate and go offer to help. You're quite likely to meet other people who share your interests and whether you meet the girl of your dreams, all these new people you meet are bound to have friends.

    Good luck to ya.

    Bradford
     

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