Nerd dating

[norcaltransplant]

Must we revive this thread?

 

[drizzt3117]

I would venture a guess that you've eliminated more like 90% of the American female population... but NYC is not a bad place to be to find cultured intellectual women (at least in the US) There are a few in Boston too.

I imagine that if your friends share somewhat similar interests to you that they probably know some people who may as well, never hurts to ask if they know anyone who you may like.

 

[matadorpoeta]

i think you've narrowed down your options to about 2% of the population. being smart and being an intellectual are two different things. (i love smart women, but intellectuals bore me.)

good luck.

 

[faustian bargain]

there should be an ivy league-type dating service there - they have them in most metropolitan areas.

or try local alumni clubs, they usually have a social calendar.

 

[esquire.]

I've got to disagree with the assumption that professional women will be the ones interested in art, etc... From my experience, these same people are so focused on their niche that you can't have a meaningful conservation about anything else.

However, working class women who are barely surviving won't have time either to develop any appreciation for aescethics either.

Instead, just go to art museums and art festivals.

 

[Brian SD]

Im kind of feeling the same way as you. San Diego is really an awful area to meet intellectual women, though. I keep dating these attractive women whose personalities seem so unsubstantial and uncultured that it gets boring to play the same game over and over again.

Then again, I'm not interested in professionals. I just want people who are interested in life and art. I couldn't care if she was living on the street, to be honest.

 

[LA Guy]

I've got to disagree with the assumption that professional women will be the ones interested in art, etc... From my experience, these same people are so focused on their niche that you can't have a meaningful conservation about anything else.

Completely agree. Or, they are so intense about everything they do (tri-geeks and climbers are especially daunting - dated both types) that they are sort of scary. Try academics, especially middling ones (i.e. not at the top of their field) - who usually have a lot of other interests and are not completely focussed on grant proposals, research projects, etc..., and graduate students, especially in the liberal arts, who, trust me, manage to distract themselves with many, many hobbies. How do you think I got to read philosophy, work with a stylist, etc... during my time at Caltech?

 

[Brian SD]

Quote:

I've got to disagree with the assumption that professional women will be the ones interested in art, etc... From my experience, these same people are so focused on their niche that you can't have a meaningful conservation about anything else.
Completely agree. Or, they are so intense about everything they do (tri-geeks and climbers are especially daunting - dated both types) that they are sort of scary. Try academics, especially middling ones (i.e. not at the top of their field) - who usually have a lot of other interests and are not completely focussed on grant proposals, research projects, etc..., and graduate students, especially in the liberal arts, who, trust me, manage to distract themselves with many, many hobbies. How do you think I got to read philosophy, work with a stylist, etc... during my time at Caltech?
I am behind you 100%, I have been hanging out with academic types recently, and they seem to be some of the most interesting, knowledgeable people that I've ever met. I would love to date a girl who had these characteristics.

 

[vero_group]

I think all these generalizations are way too hard to make. Human beings are not so monolithic -- it's like telling you "only date black people, they know how to dance and have a good time." Instead, I submit that you will continue to have difficulties dating women until you stop calling yourself and viewing yourself as a "nerd". If you believe it, it will show. Be cognizant that just as you decided that she was nice, but not very interesting, she was likely making the same or similar decision about you. You have to offer up something attractive here if you want to catch a woman, hook, line, and sinker. Giving her a "nerd" isn't going to be very attractive bait. Work on yourself first. The women you would like will notice and come to you. My $0.02. Â

 

[matadorpoeta]

i always thought it was "hook, line, and sink her."

well put vero.

 

[norcaltransplant]

Wow, interesting group of replies.  I guess this was more of a thought experiment/complaint on my behalf rather than seeking out constructive advice.

I've got to disagree with the assumption that professional women will be the ones interested in art, etc... From my experience, these same people are so focused on their niche that you can't have a meaningful conservation about anything else.

My short, ok, moderately long, description of ideal qualities combined the professional aspect with the arts/culture interests since they tend to run side-by-side in the majority of my social circles.  

LA Guy--Your recommendation of humanity academics is great, however, I find that my schedule isn't conducive for philo and lit people.  Work comes first, and dating a distant second.  Finding someone with similar priorities would be nice.

Instead, I submit that you will continue to have difficulties dating women until you stop calling yourself and viewing yourself as a "nerd".

I like nerds.  What's wrong with nerds?  I'm sorry, but anyone who has a doctorate or masters in philosophy, art history, or19th century British literature constitutes a small minority of the population with less than mainstream interests.  I'm perfectly content to have a two hour conversation about the lighting effects employed by Vermeer.

 

[Brian SD]

Hmmm.. I think he was meaning he's looking for a nerd-type, and personally I see nothing wrong with this. I would hate to be dating someone who was concerned with not being a nerd. Basically, I think nowadays, at least for kids my age, if you aren't "cool" in it's most shallow definition (a.k.a. frat, stoner, surfer, whatever), then you're a nerd. So dating nerds isn't all that bad.

I think the whole point is that the coolest people in terms of intuitive personalities and general chill factor are what you may consider "nerds."

 

[vero_group]

if you aren't "cool" in it's most shallow definition (a.k.a. frat, stoner, surfer, whatever), then you're a nerd.

But some of THESE people are truly the nerds in life.

It's an attitudinal thing is all I'm saying...

 

[LA Guy]

Okay, either you guys have been watching Revenge of the Nerds too often, or are all in the under 16 group. Besides, it's very cool to be a nerd. Every model, artist, musician, professional, academic (okay, we really were nerds), essentially any non-"American Jackass" I know claims to have been a "nerd" in high school. In fact, the biggest social sin would be to admit to having been a football/basketball/lacrosse player or cheerleader in high school.

 

[LA Guy]

LA Guy--Your recommendation of humanity academics is great, however, I find that my schedule isn't conducive for philo and lit people. Work comes first, and dating a distant second. Finding someone with similar priorities would be nice.

Yeah, that was me for a long time too. But there is really much more to life than work, and you can find yourself becoming boring *and* overly intense. Check yourself once in a while.