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My issues with soccer

Mr. Checks

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Okay, starting watching a bit of World Cup soccer. Enjoying it more than I thought, but here are some issues about why I think it'll never catch on in the US at the highest level.

1. It is primarily a defensive game. it's far too easy to sit on a 1-0 lead, even if you're a man down.
2. All the diving and whining every time someone goes near you. There should be an enforced diving penalty.
3. The yellow card/red card thing has to go. "If you do something bad I will wave a small, yellow card in your general direction. I may write your name on it or something."
4. There simply are not enough "oohhhh" moments. I keep hearing about how dominant certain players are, and they get to exhibit this once or twice a game.
5. The camera distance presents an obstacle to seeing all the moves and jukes of the players that make the game interesting. (but the camera work this time around seems a bit better than I've seen it before).
6. The best players aren't American.

I realize I'm missing most/all of the subtle points that make enthusiasts love the sport.
 

Dakota rube

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I used to coach youth soccer, so I have some knowledge of the game. My neighborhood, for some reason, played soccer while others were throwing the football. But I still don't have passion for the game.

While channel-surfing over the weekend, I happened across some game or another and watched incredulously as the teams traded midfield headers back and forth for what seemed like five solid minutes. Honest to God: the ball travelled 30-40 yards eastward, then 30-40 yards the other way, and back and forth and back and forth. Amazing.

And too boring for my short attention span.
 

Mr. Checks

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Hey, the American fans actually sang the National Anthem!

Nice to hear.

Did I mention "stoppage time"? That must be changed.
 

visionology

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To me hockey is soccer on ice. They are so similar and while hockey is moderately popular here, not nearly on the level of football, baseball, and basketball.

They are both just too slow paced for American people. In fact I tried to watch the German WC match last week and it was painful for me. The game was pretty much summed up in, a guy passes, dribbles, gets intercepted, the ball goes out of bounds, throws it in, repeat. I found myself constantly frustrated. Also Americans don't like games ending in ties because it makes the game pointless in the scope of that single game.

Also while fans of soccer can be applauded for their loyalty, they also turn me off. In Mexico during the last WC, when the Mexican fans all started chanting "Bin Laden" after 9/11 when they played the American team it infuriated me. There are many instances of fans acting like this in WC games, with riots and racism.
 

edmorel

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While I am enjoying this World Cup, I am not a big soccer fan and the game does not hold my attention fully, which I guess is good if you want to watch the game and do something else at the same time. I watched Mexico v. Iran and it was entertaining but the 1-0 games are brutal.

American views on soccer were summed up brilliantly in a Simpsons episode in which the characters were at a soccer game. I won't go into a summary of it as it sould not be the same but it was funny stuff.
 

Kent Wang

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Originally Posted by edmorel
American views on soccer were summed up brilliantly in a Simpsons episode in which the characters were at a soccer game. I won't go into a summary of it as it sould not be the same but it was funny stuff.
I know what you're talking about.
 

edmorel

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Here are some lines from that Simpsons episode. Don't ask me how I found them:

Act one. On the Simpsons' TV, a man in a cowboy hat barbeques a soccer
% ball and thrusts it, skewered and flaming, at the camera, screaming, "Open
% wide for some soccer!" As the commercial continues, high-action footage
% of soccer matches accompany the announcer's voice.

TV Announcer: The Continental Soccer Association is coming to Springfield!
It's all here--fast-kicking, low scoring, and ties? You bet!
Bart: Hey, Dad, how come you've never taken us to see a soccer game?
Homer: I...don't know.
TV Announcer: You'll see all your favorite soccer stars. Like Ariaga!
Ariaga II! Bariaga! Aruglia! And Pizzoza!
Homer: Oh, I never heard of those people.
TV Announcer: And they'll all be signing autographs!
Homer: Woo-hoo!
TV Announcer: This match will determine once and for all which nation is
the greatest on earth: Mexico or Portugal!




The referee blows his whistle, and the game begins. The Mexican team
% has first possession of the ball, kicking it with extreme caution around
% midfield as the crowd buzzes with excitement. The opposition stands nearby,
% hesitantly guarding its side. As the situation continues, the crowd's
% excitement begins to level off, until everyone in the stands sits silent.

Homer: [shouting] Boring!
Krusty: Come on, you schnorers, do something!
Brockman: [calling plays from booth listlessly] Halfback passes
to the center. Back to the wing. Back to the center.
Center holds it. Holds it. [rolls eyes] Holds it...
Mexican Announcer: [excitedly] Halfback passes to center, back to wing, back
to center, center holds it! Holds it! Holds it!
Sideshow Mel: I can't bear this any longer, I'm leaving!
Moe: Yeah, not before me you ain't.
Flanders: Now, now, there's plenty of exits for everyone!
Moe: Oh, that's it, you're dead, pal! [puts Flanders into
a headlock]
Skinner: Hey, now, that's uncalled for.
Lenny: Shut your hole, Skinner!
-- The start of a traditional soccer riot, "The Cartridge Family
 

Mr. Checks

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It lost NOTHING in translation.

I'm changing my tag line.
 

Margaret

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Originally Posted by edmorel

Brockman: [calling plays from booth listlessly] Halfback passes to the center. Back to the wing. Back to the center. Center holds it. Holds it. [rolls eyes] Holds it...


This must be origin of the Rule of Yeats: The center cannot hold.
 

romafan

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Originally Posted by visionology
They are both just too slow paced for American people. In fact I tried to watch the German WC match last week and it was painful for me. The game was pretty much summed up in, a guy passes, dribbles, gets intercepted, the ball goes out of bounds, throws it in, repeat. I found myself constantly frustrated. Also Americans don't like games ending in ties because it makes the game pointless in the scope of that single game.

Not like those fast paced baseball games, right
I guess it's all a matter of perspective and what you consider to be exciting. For me, American football can be pretty much summed up in: center snaps to QB, who hands off to RB (can't tell who b/c of helmet), hard to tell exactly what happens as a mountain of over-padded 300 lb. guys pile on, whistle blown, play stops, ref untangles pile, teams huddle and await decision re next play from another team of head-phoned coaches who are confering w/ each other and their 'eyes-in-the-sky'. Repeat, w/ occasional pass plays mixed in and additional time-outs for side-line conferences and commercials...
 

visionology

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I'm not a fan of baseball either. I was in the 1980's but that was more of a result of my father being a baseball fan and me being grown up on it. When I finally developed a mind of my own, I decided baseball was boring, teams were unbalanced and unfair because of salary disparity, so I stopped watching it.

American football can be boring at times due to the many stops, however I think it is more multidimensional than soccer because of the ability to run the ball, pass it,lateral it, or kick it. A few billion people watch soccer though, so they must find something exciting in it.
 

Violinist

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What are you talking about?

Hockey's probably the fastest game of all the major sports in North America.
 

Mr. Checks

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I love me some hockey.

And I like it, the F1, more than the other that Audi, dominates.
 

chorse123

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I wish my screen name was Bariaga. And failing that, Ariaga II.

I don't get it. I think soccer's great, though I have zero interest outside of the world cup/european cup. All sports can be boring. Baseball has terribly dull moments, as does american football. If you mute the sound (thereby freeing yourself from the constant yammering of the commentators, and the sound affects), you notice the long lag between play. But both can be thrilling, and so can soccer, in those rare moments when a team is threatining, for example.

But yes, the diving is a joke. My favorite recent example was during the England/Paraguay match. One of the paraguyans fell near the goal and bounced back up. When his buddy missed the shot, he fell over and began to writhe in agony. Right. We just saw you running around, man.
 

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