mother in law from hell

[globetrotter]

I guess, in a previous life, I killed baby seals for a living, or deflowered and martyred early christian virgins or something, what ever the sin, my karmic punishment is my mother in law, who is now staying with me for 4 months, to help my wife settle intoa rutine with the twin babies.

my house sounds alot like those western movies where a village in taken over by a group of mexican bandits, who ride around shooting in the air and yelling, only they are more polite and quiet than my MIL.

a few weeks ago, we caught her trying to get my 5 year old to tell her that he loved her more that his other grandmother, and pushing him to do so, when he wouldn't, she threatened him and told him that he would make her sick with heartbreak. when we confronted her, she was astounded that we found this to be unacceptable.

yesterday, she ordered my 5 year old to do something - literally. she told him to stop what he was doing and do something for her. I was alittle pissed off, because I don't like it when she is rude to him, as I feel it hurts the education that I am giving him. she, however, has never taken to saying "please, thank you or excuse me", and feels that, as the matron, she doesnt' have to. I didn't say anyting about it, this time, even though I wanted to, because she is leaving in a few weeks and I didn't want another explosion over this.

but then I noticed that my son hadn't done what she asked. so I asked him why not. he said "I am not her servant, and I don't want her speaking to me like a servant." so I told him that if he aksed her to say please, sho would say please, and then he should do what she wanted.

of course, then the **** hit the fan. she told him that she didn't have to say "please" or "thank you" because he should have respect for her and do what she ways even without this. I told him, in front of her, that this wasn't the case. he did what she asked, but she went to her room without dinner and didn't come out all night (wich is my favorite part of this stories.)


anyway, a couple more weeks.

 

[Mr. Checks]

Umm, your mother-in-law is staying with you for four months?

Let me direct you to the "Scotch" thread.

I'd recommend cask strength.

 

[Dakota rube]

^ or scotch consumed in cask lots. Holy cow GT, you have a lot more patience than I do! I think the Evanston police would have a murder investigation on their hands if I were in your shoes. Hang in there pal.

 

[Patrick Bateman]

Originally Posted by Mr. Checks

Umm, your mother-in-law is staying with you for four months?

Let me direct you to the "Scotch" thread.

I'd recommend cask strength.

Or maybe plastic bottle. "Desperate times" and all that!

 

[Fabienne]

I feel for you. I happen to be blessed with a mother and a mother-in-law who are very respectful of our choices when it comes to child-rearing. I simply had to have a couple of talks with each one of them in the early days, but no conflict since then. My mom just retired at 58, and recently said she could come spend "the summer" with us. I simply and calmly said no, that 2 weeks would do just fine, as she tends to get bored (she refuses to drive in the US). We value our intimacy too much, it's not that she's a pain, actually, she's too quiet. I notice that my Italian and Latin American friends don't hesitate to have their family members stay with them for months at a time. Not to mention living situations in Taiwan or Russia. How does your wife feel about this situation? Can she have a heart to heart talk with her mother?

 

[itsstillmatt]

My mother in law is no longer invited to visit our house.

 

[EL72]

It goes without saying that parents and in-laws need to respect the child-rearing choices of the parents. When they don't, you need to set specific boundaries and make it clear that you won't tolerate behavior not consistent with your parenting choices and that the penalty is not seeing their grandchildren as often. This threat is usually enough to make them comply.

We've seldom had to do this but I have to remind my in-laws or my mother on some occasions and they usually comply. I understand that grandparents sometimes spoil grandkids and it's usually fine under certain circumstances but I am often baffled to see their behavior with my kids. They were never like that when we were kids yet they will let grandkids get away with murder and seem to forget that kids cry and it's OK, they don't need to get their way all the time. At any rate, kids are very smart about these things and learn very quickly and at a very young age what they can get away with and with whom.

Good luck GT. As you say, only a few more weeks...

 

[Mr. Checks]

Originally Posted by iammatt

My mother in law is no longer invited to visit our house.

Why, is she a Democrat?

 

[globetrotter]

Originally Posted by Fabienne

I notice that my Italian and Latin American friends don't hesitate to have their family members stay with them for months at a time. Not to mention living situations in Taiwan or Russia. How does your wife feel about this situation? Can she have a heart to heart talk with her mother?

yeah, my mother in law, and frankly my wife in the begining, were used to the idea that a visit was for months at a time. I have kept visits to 2 weeks or less, until now. but I also knew that my mother in law would be helpful now, with my wife in a new city and with twins. I have to say she has been more helpful that I expectied - at age 58 she washed her first dish and did her first load of laundry at my house this trip.


we had, in years past, many firm and straightforward discusions - the first of these was when I took her out for coffee when I proposed to my wife and told her "I don't want you to think of this as gaining a son in law, I want you to think of this as loosing a daughter".


the big trouble is that we come from such different cultures - I have no respect for her and how she lives her life, and she has no respect for how i live my life. and, she is a witch.



oh, and I forgot to mention - last year, when I was unemployed, she tried to convince my wife to leave me with my son and move back to Colombia. with me in the room, underestimating how much spanish I understand.

 

[globetrotter]

Originally Posted by iammatt

My mother in law is no longer invited to visit our house.


good for you.

 

[Stu]

When my kid was a baby, my MIL, who is a hypocondriac, was worried about the child's intestines. She went and ordered up a bunch of tests, and next thing I know, I come home from work one day and there are little containers with baby **** in them in my fridge to take to the lab the next day. Top that.

 

[Mr. Checks]

Great thread.

I actually like my mother-in-law; it's my wife's mother-in-law that we have problems with.

 

[Lucky Strike]

Originally Posted by globetrotter

I took her out for coffee when I proposed to my wife and told her "I don't want you to think of this as gaining a son in law, I want you to think of this as loosing a daughter".
I'll have to remember that turn of phrase. Oh, wait, I just remembered I'm single again

 

[designprofessor]

Is there a father in law? Sounds like the MIL gets to bully her way with everybody. I like that your kid held her accountable to basic standards of "please" and "thank you".
I know you gotta keep the peace, but I'd definately let her know that she adheres to the rules of your house and family. You can damn well bet if you were at her house, that would be the order of the day.

 

[globetrotter]

Originally Posted by designprofessor

Is there a father in law? Sounds like the MIL gets to bully her way with everybody..


it would not be gentlemanly to suggest that there might have been a father in law in the picture, if the MIL hadn't be so incredibly difficult to live with.

My MIL's father, my wife's grandfather, after supporting his daughter for her whole life, and having her live with him for a large chunk of her life, had the locks changed on his apartment when she came to visit me last year, and rented her her own apartment (still at his expense) and moved her stuff there so that when she came back she was all thrown out of his apartment, so that he could die in peace.