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Missing You Folks- Why I've Been Away

Jerry52

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Oct 21, 2006
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Hello to all!

I've really enjoyed reading about stuff here, especially shoes, wallets and watches.

But sometimes real life gets in the way of fun. Big time.

Last Thursday January 11th, my mother, 80, slipped in her sleep to her eternal reward, at a hospice inpatient home.

Although I regret that I was asleep (just five feet from her) when she passed, I was with her every step of the way, her sole caregiver for the last two years. The last year in particular, she was critically ill.

Finally, metasticized uterine cancer to the lung (with only 20 percent lung capacity left) and a shut-down of her kidneys, claimed her life. She was on a "Bi-pap" ventilator machine at the time of passing, and amazed her family doctor that she lived as long as she did. She was basically unable to swallow, eat or drink for the last five days.

Maybe at 52, I'm too melodramatic about things, but I'm convinced that she held on extra time just out of concern for me; she wasn't just my mother, but my very best friend.

Although I never murdered anyone was never in prison never did drugs, etc. I was also a bit of a dreamer and a bit lazy. She believed strongly in my writing ability but I never did much with it. I suppose I'm the quintessential "ship without a rudder" but a piece of her still lives on in me (we always are the product both biologically and in spirit of our parents) so whatever I do in the future will still be in tribute to my upbringing.

A great Christian lady, I have every confidence that she went straight to heaven, having suffered at least two years of Purgatory here on earth.

Just two years ago at 78, she looked so young that people frequently thought we were brother and sister instead of son and mother!

Just under her love of God was her selfless love for me. She bypassed many pleasures for herself so as to provide for me.

Most significantly in a contemporary world where families can be no more than strangers under a common roof, she ALWAYS provided love and made our middle-class house a first-class HOME.

Although now I must cope with loneliness and no-one to talk to sometimes, carry on with administrative details to settle her affairs at least I can be at peace to know that her excruciating suffering is over, and that even if I never gave her as much as I wanted, in the end I could give her my presence as my best present.

We also had the blessing of a very articulate, very heartfelt goodbye. She was definitely able to hear me (I could tell by eye contact and a firm squeeze of my hand) during most of the week-long final phase of her illness; how sad when instant violent death happens such as in ill-advised war or a car crash, and proper goodbyes aren't possible.

Those of you who are married and lose a parent have your wife as a sort of buffer, but I guess it's my own fault for being a late bloomer.

The rosary and funeral Mass were today and well-attended considering that my mom was very private and the weather was dismal.
Maybe once the dust settles, I'll possibly try to scrape enough together for a special trip to energize my mind and spirit, which are tired and crushed. Ideally, possibly to Australia because I'm fascinated by its vastness and remote location, or Brazil, because I think Brazilian women- and Asian women and Scandinavian women- are the most beautiful in all the world.

Then again, maybe I should visit the land of my ancestry, Ireland. After all, my old-fashioned mom always chided me "to marry a good Irish Catholic girl!" That's my unique mother, and I hope I left no doubt she'll be missed.

I hope to have the spirit to be back here soon, even if my clothing decisions might have tobe pushed back a bit until I see how the finances add up. Thanks again for all the advice you guys have given me on this one of my favorite cyber homes.

Jerry
 

Charley

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I'm sorry to read of your loss.
You should consider yourself lucky to have had her as long as you did. And I do believe that you did express that thought.
I don't believe that there is really anything that you can do to fill the hole in your heart. Learning to live with it can take some time.
All the best to you in keeping your remembrances of her.
 

grimslade

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Real life, indeed. Take care of yourself, Jerry. My condolences.
 

Teacher

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We don't have to tell you that, no matter how much prepratory time one might have, these times are always very painful. My sincerest condolences, and all the best to you and your family.
 

Dakota rube

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My condolences to you Jerry. While it is difficult to conceive of such things at this time of loss, consider yourself wonderfully blessed to have had your dear mother in your life for 52 years. I am your age, and have been without my own mother for over 20 years. I miss her to this day, but am comforted by my memories of our friendship and shared good times. Your mother will continue to live in your mind and in your heart.
 

globetrotter

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my condolences to you, Jerry. Peace and good luck in the coming months.
 

Leaveitothexperts

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I sometimes try to think of what it would be like to lose one of my parents and even the thought hurts too much. I feel your pain my friend. My sincere condolences.
 

Jerry52

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Oct 21, 2006
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Thanks to all of you for your kind wishes and support. You've always been willing to be helpful and patient on my clothing searches, especially for shoes. But I guess the search for eternal answers is very much a different concept indeed. I will appreciate your ongoing prayers. Maybe it's the chill of Winter and shorter days, but it just makes the house seem even emptier. If you have someone left to hug, DO IT NOW! That's my best advice.

Soon enough I hope I can really get back into the swing of things here but my stomach is still a little sour. Of course as a couple of you said, I was fortunate to have her 52 years. Funny how when we were in our teens our parents seemed so "square" but as the years go by our wisdom grows...

Jerry
 

whnay.

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Thank you for sharing your memories and my condolences to you Jerry.
 

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