Met this chick and I practically screwed myself.

[NorCal]

Originally Posted by Stazy

Honestly. The impression I'm getting from this thread is that guys seem to think there is only ONE way to talk to girls. It's not really the case. If you're naturally confident you don't need to try and act confident. You just naturally exude it. I think that's the problem with all the PUA bullshit...It's just an act. You might initially trick some girl into thinking you're worth chasing but sooner or later she's going to realize that you're full of ****.

I'm definitely not saying I'm a master of picking up chicks. I'm not. Personally though, I've had more success with just being myself than trying to put on an act. That means: self depreciating humor, lame jokes, asking girls out via text (even a first date...omg), texting more than I should, and so forth.

As long as you present yourself in an attractive manner, you shouldn't have to follow a "rule book".

Seriously. Just sticky this and close the thread.

 

[willpower]

I got tongue tied tonight talking to a girl just a few hours ago - it was because I worked on some material to make bar girls laugh (I do open mic standup, so I'm always writing new comedy bits). That was a mistake. Improv is more suited for this than standup. Found myself stumbling over my words in an attempt to wedge my funnies into the context of the conversation - this is when the Jenga game toppled. I could all of a sudden hear the voice of Jim Morrison singing "This is the end...". Flashes of a Siberian Shaman filled my vision for a split second, followed by a scratchy NASA film reel of a Saturn V rocket launch. The whole resulting awkwardness had injected a dose of self doubt into my bloodstream and I'm sure the girl could see my confidence plummet, which only exacerbated things since I knew that she knew that I knew that she knew. Game over. No way to recover from that. To my credit, it didn't make things easier that her conversational replies were so short. Then began several minutes of playing handball against the drapes. I can re-experience every moment - every detail - every microexpression of this fiasco looping over and over in my mind since it's so fresh. Me - "You're a Bostonian? It's wicked cold back they-a...ayup ! The wind? Wicked. The snow? Wicked. You know how they like saying that word in the North East, wickedly so" Her - "Yeah, they say it a lot" Me - "We're so lucky to be here in LA. It's 50 degrees out and people are breaking out the fur. I saw a lady this evening with a fur hat, fur coat, I swear she had sled dogs ready to go. I find women in fur really sexy. I know that's not a popular viewpoint these days, but I don't care. It makes me feel like I'm a Viking conqueror. " Her - "Yeah" (I'm thinking to myself - change direction, this is crashing and burning) Me - "So being from New England...I'll bet you like rock more than rap" Her - "Yeah, I do" Me - "I'll bet you heard Smells Like Teen Spirit 50,000 times on the radio by the time you were 16" Her - "Yeah, Nirvana..." Me - "So what's the last concert you went to?" Her - "Um...Heart?" (see how vivid this interaction still is in my gray matter? I can hear the "mmmm" of her "Um..." echo in my consciousness - the mantra of shame) Me - "They're still together? I thought the lead singer turned into a Macy's day balloon and floated away" Her - "Yeah, she's kind of heavy" (then scrambling for something to say, in a last ditch effort to imply my big hands meant big everything, this emerged) Me - "I was just at the rock walk of fame in front of Guitar Center and I saw the members of Heart's handprints in the cement. It's kind of wild - musicians either have really small hands or my hands are huge. I discovered my hands were bigger than every musician there - Aerosmith, Jimmy Page, Jeff Beck, Clapton, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Black Sabbath, Kiss, Metallica - everybody except for Chuck Berry. Do you know who that is?" Her - "Uh huh" Arghhhhhhhh. Mr Charming in da haus. The part that also screwed me up was that I'd seen her before at the club and hadn't approached her then, so this time I had built up a "I'm all set to impress the hell out of her if I see her - wait till she experiences how entertaining I am. After all, I'm a comedian and I've got balls to get up there on stage, this chick should be a cinch. I am so ready for this." attitude. I put too much value and emphasis on impressing this one girl rather than spreading my bets around - and the result was this.
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[The Guy]

LOL well at least you tried eh.

 

[wootx]

LOL well at least the song isn't that bad eh.

 

[Don Carlos]

Originally Posted by Stazy

Honestly. The impression I'm getting from this thread is that guys seem to think there is only ONE way to talk to girls. It's not really the case. If you're naturally confident you don't need to try and act confident. You just naturally exude it. I think that's the problem with all the PUA bullshit...It's just an act. You might initially trick some girl into thinking you're worth chasing but sooner or later she's going to realize that you're full of ****.

I'm definitely not saying I'm a master of picking up chicks. I'm not. Personally though, I've had more success with just being myself than trying to put on an act. That means: self depreciating humor, lame jokes, asking girls out via text (even a first date...omg), texting more than I should, and so forth.

As long as you present yourself in an attractive manner, you shouldn't have to follow a "rule book".

While this is undeniably true, a lot of guys out there -- including, presumably, the target audience for PUA books and seminars -- just don't have the confidence to act confidently. They need some kind of false personality, or gimmick, or playbook, because without those things, they act like semi-autistic trainwrecks in the presence of women. As much as I find PUA theory cheesy and silly, I believe it actually helps some of the most desperate cases out there.

Think of PUA teachings as training wheels for the socially awkward. That's the best way to look at them. People can cast them off when they're confident enough to do so. And that's actually the whole point. Most PUA programs aren't selling success with women; they're actually just selling confidence.

No quesion that guys will do a lot better for themselves if they are just naturally confident, outgoing, self-deprecatingly funny, and so forth. But not everyone starts there. Some people need a little help to the starting line.

 

[intent]

Originally Posted by willpower

I got tongue tied tonight talking to a girl just a few hours ago - it was because I worked on some material to make bar girls laugh (I do open mic standup, so I'm always writing new comedy bits). That was a mistake. Improv is more suited for this than standup. Found myself stumbling over my words in an attempt to wedge my funnies into the context of the conversation - this is when the Jenga game toppled.

I could all of a sudden hear the voice of Jim Morrison singing "This is the end...". Flashes of a Siberian Shaman filled my vision for a split second, followed by a scratchy NASA film reel of a Saturn V rocket launch. The whole resulting awkwardness had injected a dose of self doubt into my bloodstream and I'm sure the girl could see my confidence plummet, which only exacerbated things since I knew that she knew that I knew that she knew. Game over. No way to recover from that. To my credit, it didn't make things easier that her conversational replies were so short. Then began several minutes of playing handball against the drapes.

I can re-experience every moment - every detail - every microexpression of this fiasco looping over and over in my mind since it's so fresh.

Me - "You're a Bostonian? It's wicked cold back they-a...ayup ! The wind? Wicked. The snow? Wicked. You know how they like saying that word in the North East, wickedly so"

Her - "Yeah, they say it a lot"

Me - "We're so lucky to be here in LA. It's 50 degrees out and people are breaking out the fur. I saw a lady this evening with a fur hat, fur coat, I swear she had sled dogs ready to go. I find women in fur really sexy. I know that's not a popular viewpoint these days, but I don't care. It makes me feel like I'm a Viking conqueror. "

Her - "Yeah"

(I'm thinking to myself - change direction, this is crashing and burning)

Me - "So being from New England...I'll bet you like rock more than rap"

Her - "Yeah, I do"

Me - "I'll bet you heard Smells Like Teen Spirit 50,000 times on the radio by the time you were 16"

Her - "Yeah, Nirvana..."

Me - "So what's the last concert you went to?"

Her - "Um...Heart?" (see how vivid this interaction still is in my gray matter? I can hear the "mmmm" of her "Um..." echo in my consciousness - the mantra of shame)

Me - "They're still together? I thought the lead singer turned into a Macy's day balloon and floated away"

Her - "Yeah, she's kind of heavy"

(then scrambling for something to say, in a last ditch effort to imply my big hands meant big everything, this emerged)

Me - "I was just at the rock walk of fame in front of Guitar Center and I saw the members of Heart's handprints in the cement. It's kind of wild - musicians either have really small hands or my hands are huge. I discovered my hands were bigger than every musician there - Aerosmith, Jimmy Page, Jeff Beck, Clapton, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Black Sabbath, Kiss, Metallica - everybody except for Chuck Berry. Do you know who that is?"

Her - "Uh huh"

Arghhhhhhhh. Mr Charming in da haus. The part that also screwed me up was that I'd seen her before at the club and hadn't approached her then, so this time I had built up a "I'm all set to impress the hell out of her if I see her - wait till she experiences how entertaining I am. After all, I'm a comedian and I've got balls to get up there on stage, this chick should be a cinch. I am so ready for this." attitude. I put too much value and emphasis on impressing this one girl rather than spreading my bets around - and the result was this.

IMPORTANT NOTICE: No media files are hosted on these forums. By clicking the link below you agree to view content from an external website. We can not be held responsible for the suitability or legality of this material. If the video does not play, wait a minute or try again later. I AGREE

TIP: to embed Youtube clips, put only the encoded part of the Youtube URL, e.g. eBGIQ7ZuuiU between the tags.

You're just as bad. The only difference is that you think you're better.

 

[ChicagoMediaMan]

Originally Posted by willpower

I got tongue tied tonight talking to a girl just a few hours ago - it was because I worked on some material to make bar girls laugh (I do open mic standup, so I'm always writing new comedy bits). That was a mistake. Improv is more suited for this than standup. Found myself stumbling over my words in an attempt to wedge my funnies into the context of the conversation - this is when the Jenga game toppled.

I could all of a sudden hear the voice of Jim Morrison singing "This is the end...". Flashes of a Siberian Shaman filled my vision for a split second, followed by a scratchy NASA film reel of a Saturn V rocket launch. The whole resulting awkwardness had injected a dose of self doubt into my bloodstream and I'm sure the girl could see my confidence plummet, which only exacerbated things since I knew that she knew that I knew that she knew. Game over. No way to recover from that. To my credit, it didn't make things easier that her conversational replies were so short. Then began several minutes of playing handball against the drapes.

I can re-experience every moment - every detail - every microexpression of this fiasco looping over and over in my mind since it's so fresh.

Me - "You're a Bostonian? It's wicked cold back they-a...ayup ! The wind? Wicked. The snow? Wicked. You know how they like saying that word in the North East, wickedly so"

Her - "Yeah, they say it a lot"

Me - "We're so lucky to be here in LA. It's 50 degrees out and people are breaking out the fur. I saw a lady this evening with a fur hat, fur coat, I swear she had sled dogs ready to go. I find women in fur really sexy. I know that's not a popular viewpoint these days, but I don't care. It makes me feel like I'm a Viking conqueror. "

Her - "Yeah"

(I'm thinking to myself - change direction, this is crashing and burning)

Me - "So being from New England...I'll bet you like rock more than rap"

Her - "Yeah, I do"

Me - "I'll bet you heard Smells Like Teen Spirit 50,000 times on the radio by the time you were 16"

Her - "Yeah, Nirvana..."

Me - "So what's the last concert you went to?"

Her - "Um...Heart?" (see how vivid this interaction still is in my gray matter? I can hear the "mmmm" of her "Um..." echo in my consciousness - the mantra of shame)

Me - "They're still together? I thought the lead singer turned into a Macy's day balloon and floated away"

Her - "Yeah, she's kind of heavy"

(then scrambling for something to say, in a last ditch effort to imply my big hands meant big everything, this emerged)

Me - "I was just at the rock walk of fame in front of Guitar Center and I saw the members of Heart's handprints in the cement. It's kind of wild - musicians either have really small hands or my hands are huge. I discovered my hands were bigger than every musician there - Aerosmith, Jimmy Page, Jeff Beck, Clapton, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Black Sabbath, Kiss, Metallica - everybody except for Chuck Berry. Do you know who that is?"

Her - "Uh huh"

Arghhhhhhhh. Mr Charming in da haus. The part that also screwed me up was that I'd seen her before at the club and hadn't approached her then, so this time I had built up a "I'm all set to impress the hell out of her if I see her - wait till she experiences how entertaining I am. After all, I'm a comedian and I've got balls to get up there on stage, this chick should be a cinch. I am so ready for this." attitude. I put too much value and emphasis on impressing this one girl rather than spreading my bets around - and the result was this.


The first thing I noticed about this conversation is that all of her responses were like 1 to 2 words and your responses were like paragraphs.

 

[willpower]

Originally Posted by intent

You're just as bad. The only difference is that you think you're better.
I agree, hence the painful documentation of the above. I knew someone was going to call me on my ****, that's why I laid it out there. I'm a hypocrite - mea culpa maxima. I broke several of the rules that I preached, thinking these special circumstance were going to require a different approach. Usually I'm fine and I talk to girls every time I'm out - no tunnel vision, no expectations, and able at least to think lucidly. The chick I crashed and burned on was an LA 10 (at least to my eyes)and I was intimidated by the hotness - I should have reminded myself she was just a chick like every other one. Big lack of confidence with her, which I hoped to have outmaneuvered by devising a new super duper tactic that would charm the pants off her - literally. I know exactly the mistakes I made - thinking she was a different caliber of female, not testing my witty (yeah, right) comedy bit out earlier in the evening on someone else (huge, huge, huge mistake), putting far too much expectation of outcome into one chick whom I'd never spoken to before (man, I'm kicking myself on that one), and rationally knowing these were the wrong things to do but continuing anyway. I thought I was going to blaze a new trail - Duhhhhhhhhhhh. In my own defense, I don't think I'm better than anyone. I made all of the mistakes the OP had when I was his age and was recommending things that actually worked for me. Yet I ignored my advice with Miss 10 (think Adriana Lima, kinda sorta). Fellas, I phucked up. OP, I apologize.

 

[West24]

man ur fucked up^. practicing on someone earlier to get to her? man shes not your local cross town rivals, its a ******* girl stop thinking so hard into it. i cant believe your giving advice in this thread.

 

[willpower]

Originally Posted by West24

man ur fucked up^. practicing on someone earlier to get to her? man shes not your local cross town rivals, its a ******* girl stop thinking so hard into it.
Yeah, I know. Big mistake - I thought it was going to require some new tactic, so I overthought it. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Originally Posted by West24

i cant believe you're giving advice in this thread.
Well, all of it worked for me before. I'm reasonably decent in meeting girls.

 

[West24]

thats the thing there is no certains! thats why there is no real way of giving advice. every girl and every situation is different. ofcourse there are extremes where its def bad like the op. but in your posts your dishing out exact ways. there are no exact ways.

 

[willpower]

Originally Posted by West24

thats the thing there is no certains! thats why there is no real way of giving advice. every girl and every situation is different. ofcourse there are extremes where its def bad like the op. but in your posts your dishing out exact ways. there are no exact ways.

Indeed. A lesson that's come full circle.

 

[zeezee]

what you text her made me cringe lol

 

[Cool The Kid]

Often times when dudes have "problems" picking up women it stems from **** that has nothing to do w/the art of "picking them up"

Experience
Sense of self worth
Not taking rejection personally

Really all you need, simple on paper but very hard to actually achieve.

 

[andrew96]

Originally Posted by polo votarient

So I met this chick, she was by far the prettiest girl I have met this month and in person things were swell. I mean I started fliting with her and she flirted back and she ended up telling me I was going to have to chase her for like 3 months because she wanted to see if I was really interested, I said okay and I pretty much left. So I sent her a message the first day and this is practically how it went. (I met her this past Friday)

(FRIDAY)
Boy:So how long will I have to chase you before I can take you to dinner?
Girl: we will see

Boy: well I hope that I dont have to wait three months before I take you out to dinner...but if I have to I will

Girl: awwwww

Boy:

Boy: (6 hours later) what are you up to tonight?
Girl: no response

Saturday
Boy: have a nice day at work

Girl: thank you

Boy: how was your day sweetheart?
Girl:no response

Sunday: I did not text her nor did she text me

Monday:
Boy: Hope you have a great day

Girl: no response
Boy

ten hours later) so is this whole ignoring my messages part of the me chasing you part, not that I mind being ignored and all,

I just dont want to bother you
Boy: and I did not say that to be rude in any way, I just dont want to bother you
Girl:no reply

So clearly, I came on too strong and I guess I turned her off. Thing is I really want to get to know this chick because she seems like a good girl, so I faced stalked her and found out she had 2500 friends, I was like WTF, but she does work for some trainer who is supposed to be good but whatever. So I obviously did not add her because she is clearly ignoring me I suppose, she seemed into me when I met her friday though and I think I just screwed myself with the texting thing (******* KIDS AND THEIR TEXTING, I NEVER LIKED THIS **** TO BEGING WITH) so I want to recover and need advice. Shes the first chick Ive talked to in about 6 months thats my age, the otehr girls were about 6 years my senior. Im 20, so I think we would get along, I at least want a chance with this girl. So if you guys could give me some advice as to how to approach her again, via text I believe is best, I was thinking of trying to establish communication again in a week, probably this coming Monday. What do yall think. Thanks guys.




She obviously doesn't like you. I mean, who does that? How awful, say yes or no, don't torture them.